Anxiety, OCD, and pets

Marchaaika · ‎27-09-2018

Hi everyone,

I have pretty severe anxiety issues, OCD and depression, and am currently in the middle of a bad symptom flare-up. As part of this flare-up I have been experiencing feelings of extreme loneliness and grieving for my old dog and companion of 15 years, who passed a year ago. I couldn't face the thought of another dog, but thought that maybe adopting a couple of kittens might help. This was not an impulsive decision, but one that I've been considering for a while and thought now might be the right time, as did the others around me. My symptoms had eased off to a level that I could function again, so I went ahead and adopted two sweet and beautiful kittens.

The minute I brought them home my anxiety skyrocketed again, and I felt I had made a horrible mistake. I worried about their health and the future, what would happen when my physical health issues played up again, had guilt about replacing my old pet, and my OCD went crazy at these two little balls of fur disrupting my routine and environment. Although my doc tried to reassure me the next day that I'd made a good choice, I could not calm down and couldn't sleep, eat or stop bawling most of the time for two days. A fairly minor allergic reaction provided me with an excuse, and I gave them to a family member who I know will give them a wonderful, loving home.

And now I'm sitting here having a massive breakdown because I feel like a failure, and like I let those poor kittens down, and because maybe, if I'd just given it a better shot, it would've all worked out. There's not really a point to this story I suppose, I just needed to let it all out in a way I can't manage verbally.

Thanks for listening/reading.

blondguy · ‎27-09-2018

Hello Marchaaika

I feel your sorrow where having an old furry friend pass away. I still grieve for my K9 friends too. It doesnt help that I have had 35 years of anxiety followed by depression....(in recovery)....ugh! I understand where you are coming from with your pain

You are a legend for ensuring that the kittens have found a caring place 🙂 You have the courage to cry your heart out afterwards which is a solid sign of inner strength.

Can I ask what your 15 year companion's name/breed was?....If thats okay?

The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you and I to post Marchaaika. I hope you can post back with any questions or comments when its convenient for you 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

Marchaaika · ‎28-09-2018

Hi Paul,

Thank you for your response. My old dogs name was Sheila, and she was a border collie x mix breed. I got her as a 6 week old puppy when I was 18, before the worst of my physical health issues began, and before my mental health issues began getting worse and multiplying. She saw me through a lot of bad times, and was the only reason I got up in the morning many, many times. Having difficulty interacting or forming any kind of meaningful relationship with other people, her unconditional love and unjudgemental companionship was invaluable.

Thanks again for your reply.

Summer Rose · ‎28-09-2018

Hi Marchaaika

I'm so sorry that you lost your beloved dog and friend, Sheila. I know that was tough. I have lost two dogs in my lifetime and I know how much it hurts.

You were very brave to adopt the kittens. My daughter has OCD so I understand how things went sour and how panicked you must have felt. It's okay. This just wasn't the right time for you.

Thete wss a time when my daughter could not tolerate our family dog in the house. My daughter loved the dog so much and it broke her heart (and mine). She started with allowing the dog in one room for short periods of time, eventually they could be in the same room together and then she tried patting the dog, etc. It took six months to get things back to normal but it was so worth the effort.

Maybe you can spend time visiting the kittens and work up to having them over for sleepovers to build up your tolerance. Then when you are ready you can try adoption again. Talk it over with your family member who has the kittens, hopefully he/she could work with you on this. What do you think?

Courage to you

geoff · ‎29-09-2018

Hello Marchaaika, my heartfelt sympathy because Sheila must have been your pride and joy for 15 years, I am really so sad to hear about this and all my condolences to you.

I mean this because I had a small dog I loved so much for 18 years, it was devastating to lose her and while I had another puppie (the one showing ) it took me a few days to reconnect with her, even though she knew something wasn't right but she was also missing the company.

I also have OCD and it can become worse in what we do when something awful like this happens.

People say go out and get another dog sometimes it helps while with others it may take a couple of days, but we understand the intense pain and emptiness that occurs after this loss.

We also realise that you may become depressed mourning the loss of your beloved Sheila, unfortunately, I had a relapse and if you feel as though you help, then please book an appointment with your GP.

Can I also mention that if you feel up to it, then you could go and visit the 'Adoption Centre', where they have so many dogs of all sizes hoping that you can take them home.

My deep sorrow for you.

Geoff.

Marchaaika · ‎29-09-2018

Hi Summer Rose,

Thank you so much for your sympathy and understanding, and your ideas. I do hope to be able to visit the kittens regularly - my family member was very clear about leaving that option open to me. Your story about your daughter is inspiring, you must be wonderful support for her. Your post has given me some hope that I might be able to accept another pet into my home one day.

Hi Geoff,

Thank you also for your sympathy and understanding. I have noticed a worsening in my OCD symptoms, and have had a relapse in panic attacks and depression, all of which I noticed a bit too late, and now my doc is struggling to help me back out of the hole again.

I'm starting to get a little hope that I may be able to get another dog again, once I get my symptoms better under control. I would love to one day be able to take home one of those lonely dogs in the adoption centre, confident that I can care for them as they deserve.

Thank you both again, you have no idea how much your understanding means to me.

Doolhof · ‎02-10-2018

Hi Marchaaika,

I've just been reading this thread. I too am sorry about Sheila, pets do worm their way into our hearts don't they.

New kittens are exciting and also can be bothersome even for the most devoted cat loving person. They can get into some mischief can't they! They are so cute when they play and when they curl up on your lap to sleep.

When they are climbing the curtains, scratching the furniture, hiding under the bed and won't come out, or are stuck somewhere they can be a little bothersome.

I think it is wonderful you can visit the kittens and possibly have them for a sleep over. Some cats are very adaptable and travel well.

Sorry to read your health issues are problematic. A psychologist I saw suggested that I try to "embrace" my mental health issues, to accept them, not fight them and each day to try the best despite how I am feeling. Not an easy thing to do, but worrying less has helped a little.

Hope you are able to find ways to make the symptoms tolerable.

Do you have family members or friends with a dog that you could take walking and play with?

Would you feel comfortable volunteering at a dog rescue place? Just a couple of ideas.

Hope you find some answers. Cheers to you from Dools

Marchaaika · ‎02-10-2018

Hi Dools,

Thanks for your reply. The kittens were most certainly a bit of a handful, and they are absolute sweethearts as well - it just wasn't right for me at this time. I've accepted that I made the right decision for myself and them, and have eased up a bit on beating myself up over it.

I have also received similar advice from my psychologist about embracing my mental health issues, but I have had limited success putting it into practice. I still tend to lean towards fearing my symptoms, particularly when I get back into a cycle of panic attacks, though I know it isn't helpful and only fuels the cycle. I am trying to educate myself as much as possible, and practicing relaxation techniques along with my docs medication changes, but it still seems to be a case of one step forward and two steps back at the moment.

Fortunately my parents have a lovely little dog that I can cuddle and play with on a regular basis. I have considered volunteering at a dog rescue place, but I fear I'm just too soft and would want to adopt all of them and then be sad that I couldn't, lol.

Thank you for your kind and supportive words and your suggestions.

geoff · ‎03-10-2018

Hi Marchaaika, thank you so much for your reply, that always means so much to us because sometimes when we do respond we are unable to connect with the person who has posted, that then upsets me.

OCD habits/rituals and obsessions can vary from day to day, but if you have to do some habit when you at home, then it's always done, it has to be done.

It can also become more dominant when you have been drinking alcohol as well as being really excited, so it's something I don't wish upon anybody.

Is it possible to go to an adoption centre or even look on the net at the puppies available, and maybe you can feel as though this new one, is in honour of your previous dog?

Look into their eyes, the love they show you as you look at them.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Doolhof · ‎03-10-2018

Hi Marchaaika,

Like Geoff mentioned, it is lovely that you have responded to our posts made to you. Hopefully you feel welcome and comfortable here on the forum.

I have just had a thought regarding dogs. Recently while at the beach, I have noticed a group of people rehabilitating greyhounds. I am not sure if there may be such an organisation in your region that could do with assistance walking dogs.

In the past I had thought about helping in an animal shelter I think I would some days feel like I wanted to adopt all the animals or it could be heart breaking as well. You may be bale to come up with other options. Borrowing and seeing your parent's dog is a good option.

Regarding trying to acknowledge and accept those troublesome thoughts, it can take a lot of hard work and determination to do this! Some days are easier than others. I will admit that some days I don't succeed at all, that is okay, I tell myself I can try again next time!

Even acknowledging that you recognise your thoughts as being depressing or troublesome is a huge accomplishment. To me that means there is a possibility of being able to do something about them.

It can be difficult to find the determination, motivation and the strength to push through. When you do, it might not seem very effective at first, but once you achieve this a few times, it can help you try again next time!

Hope this helps provide you with some encouragement!

Cheers from Dools