ANXIETY- how people view you

[white knight]

With anxiety we are so wrapped up in our misplaced energy we find difficulty in walking in another persons shoes, to view us warts and all.

I've stumbled on such a topic. You can read the full site if you google "11 Things People Don't Realize You Are Doing Because Of Your Anxiety"

Here is my summary of this great write up, most of it is paraphrased due to word limits but you'll get the picture. We as sufferers should try to visualize what others see with the effects of our illness. We might be suffering but so are others in that they are trying to work us out or walk away due to the effort needed.

1. Declining invites but you might want to go

The debilitating feeling of the date approaching, so overwhelming you cancel it

2. Obsessing over trivial things

An unintended word or a glance can upset your mood. Others would be confused that you are noticing such minute distractions

3. Go to bed late, wake up early

There is a cycle. Wake up early tired, over thinking things and mental exhaustion sends you back to bed.

4. In every situation, the worse scenario is you biggest thought

This is really the negative thought side of you. Everything is bad, your health, job etc the problems are magnified

5. Rewinding conversations in your head, over and over

You tend to say the wrong thing as you are anxious, so you rewind to examine if you said something wrong. Often you haven't said anything wrong but your mind haunts you of the possibility

6. When someone shows concern for you, you become more concerned about ...you

Means if you are not well and it becomes noticeable then you must be worse than what even you thought.

7. That you are to blame for not replying straight away

If someone doesn't reply immediately you cringe because you are anxious. Their attention could be diverted or are bad communicators.

8. Freaking out when the future is talked about

You hide from the future as the present is difficult enough to deal with whereas others are excited about it

9. Comparing others success at the same age

You see others as successful. You aren't envious just worried why you have reached such sstandard

10. You punish yourself over common mistakes that humans make

All the while others allow it to slide as they accept its natural

11. Too exhausted mentally and physically to get out of bed

Anxiety burns energy to the point where you stay in bed unable to find the strength to rise.

Thanks. Tony WK

[CMF]

Another great one Tony,

Number 4 hit home for me. It's funny I was thinking about this today...how do others view me. I do know someone who had anxiety for a couple of years and felt that everyone avoided him and stopped contacting him because he was saying no to invitations and was withdrawn . He said people avoided him because he 'looked sick'. I knew he was not well but i didn't think he 'looked' sick.

I'm a little different. i think people nowadays are busy with their own things. I do think people drop off because we are non responsive but i think everyone is wrapped up in their own lives. I don't believe they are overthinking us. I go to the same coffee shop every day and see the same locals. I have only started to open up to some of them about my anxiety and they have been surprised to hear of how i have been feeling. When i see someone i put on a smile and have a chat. The brave face comes out, not only because I'm forcing it but because i am genuinely interested in talking. These people have no idea of the torment i feel. Maybe i'm good at hiding it?

baby Steps

[white knight]

Hi baby steps

There are talkers that cant stop talking about their illness and there are private sufferers that wont ever mention it...and everyone else in between. I dont think negatively of any of them. We are all different.

Same with " showing" our pain. A smile can hide heaps of tears.

You are doing well to hide yours until you are ready to reveal. Such comfort zones you can lower when trust comes.

Your advance is remarkable. You might not think so though.

Tony WK

[MyProfile]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for the post. I often wonder and worry how others perceive me once they know of my anxiety. I wish it was the sort I could hide, or that I could somehow take it back along with the side effects it's had on my life. I guess I don't feel I can trust anyone.

MP

[blondguy]

Hi TonyWK

A great post and a chance for many people to do a 'self check' too

I like all of the points....they are all spot on!

I am 'trying' to help two people (not on Beyond Blue) that have most of your points.....especially #6 and #7

Your post is an excellent means of obtaining some clarity with this awful disorder

Thanks Tony. Nice1

Paul

[white knight]

Yes Paul its interesting these authors that break things down so we understand easier.

MP. I understand fully your trust issue. Google this one

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

And

Topic: want to be a hermit?- beyondblue

Regards

Tony WK

[Muddlee]

Hi white knight,

Awesome post as always. Can relate to almost all of these, but for me 3, 5 and 9 the most. [3] Used to have the worst sleep routine for about 2-3 years. Early stages couldn't get to sleep for hours, then later on would stay up till 2-3am until I finally felt wound down and woke up at 1pm. Finally, starting to build a good sleep and wake up routine and starting to acknowledge the importance of a good nights sleep as well. [5] Probably the worst culprit. Used to be almost paranoid about saying the 'right thing' to strangers, friends, family even my therapist. Only now am I starting to realise how these 'perfectionist' beliefs just made me rigid, apprehensive and frustrated. MAKE MISTAKES - best way to socialise. [9] Probably a recent one for me. I look at all these other people at uni who have got 'better' jobs, internships, results etc etc. Starting to realise that that's their 'versions' of success and that worry about them only makes me more worried and distracted from my goals! For me, good mental health, finishing University and travelling the world is on my agenda.

Muddleee

[Maggie2]

Yes. This is a very good post. Thanks for sharing Tony WK. It frustrates me the lack of empathy people have for those struggling with anxiety and read your behaviour in a way that best fits their narrative.

I did an explainer video for my family about my anxiety and how it feels and what they can do to support me. One of the pearler responses was:

"I think this is unfair as you have never spoken with us about your anxiety before. You have left us to try to understand what's happening to you and why you're being unreliable, hostile and downright rude. "

Yup, my anxiety is "rude". Thanks. I'll file this one under "Why I'm too anxious to come to family events".

[white knight]

Muddlee

Arhh yes, you get it,your personal goals and your perception of what success is not....based on others success.

Maggie

Great response. You reminded me of a thread l wrote (google)

Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue

If we craft wit we answer people with less words and show them the contempt their attitude deserves. I make no apology for that. Many people are ignorant towards the mentally ill but some also blame us. Like blaming a paraplegic for not walking. I detest it.

However, if they show effort and regret its an opportunity.

Tony WK

[Shannon21]

Hi All,

I am new to the forum and am struggling with the issue of how people will view me when they find out about my anxiety issues. I have hid them from almost everyone in my life, including people that I live with, as I don't want them to think less of me however, I have recently come to a point where my behaviour hasn't been able to be hidden - the feelings have been too intense for me. It's been coming out at work and at home - which I think is a sign that I need to deal with it more effectively. I'm just really afraid of being judged for it. How do you move past this? Any suggestions are appreciated.