Hello 321,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with our community. This must be an incredibly painful time for you... seeing someone we love in positions that feel unsafe can be very scary. I can imagine that it would be hard to feel settled right now, so how you are feeling makes perfect sense.
It seems like there is a lot going on for your son mentally and emotionally, and I can see he is in a cycle of sorts here - one that is really hard to shift out of. Even so, it's very positive that he is willing to go to rehab and get further support. Do you know what other care he has right now?
I am also wondering if you have any support (other than your wonderful partner)? It could be very helpful to have a psychologist or support group to talk about all of this with, to know you aren't alone. I encourage you to reach out to our counsellors directly for more guidance around this:
Talk to a counsellor - Beyond Blue - Beyond Blue
You could also call Turning Point for free, which is a 24/7 phone-based support service surrounding any drug and alcohol-related concerns:
Counselling Online - free drug and alcohol counselling in Australia
Overall, I would really encourage you to do things that will help you to feel more centred and grounded right now. Whether that is through journaling, meditation, walking, or another activity you really enjoy, it's important you are making time for you. It can also be helpful to write a list of everything that is within your control and everything that is out of your control, so then you know what you can feasibly focus on. For example, you can control how much you show support to him and how often you show yourself love and nurturing.
I can see how much you care about your son, and I am sure that you want nothing more than to have him back to a place of health and safety. I know you left things on not very nice terms, which would feel really vulnerable... what do you wish you could say to him right now?
Looking forward to your reply,
Sophie M.
