Anxiety - Can't leave my house

austin0095 · ‎03-05-2017

I've been diagnosed with an underlying anxiety disorder and severe depression, meds help a lot but in the past couple of weeks they've not worked so great and I'm currently upping my dose by about half. Today I had a day off work and I've wanted to go into the city particularly Newtown to buy more clothes to wear etc. and I'm still here, at home, at 12:00pm because I'm too uncomfortable and stressed to leave my house. I put this down to not having anything to wear, as I've been looking through my clothes for the past hour, i feel so dumb writing this out. This doesn't happen everyday and I just get so stressed out and feel very very self conscious, staring in the mirror, looking at the time, giving up then thinking "I've gotta find SOMETHING" but ultimately i can't and i end up laying back in bed feeling so ridiculous that i can't pull myself together and throw something on. I keep thinking of how i look, how people will see me, if i'll look exactly how i want to, i am a complete perfectionist but usually i can get over this but today i couldn't and i feel like crying, i deep down hate how i look and thats fine but i really wish i didn't care so much, i'm just so down on myself and i can't bare leaving the house not feeling i look a tiny bit good. I don't know how to break the cycle.

MarkJT · ‎03-05-2017

Austin, first off welcome to the beyondblue forums. This is a very protective and caring place that is chockers with people who have lived mental health condition experiences.

I want you to dispense of the words, "ridiculous" and "dumb" because what you are experiencing is not ridiculous and you should not feel dumb. I can absolutely guarantee you that there are many people in Australia at this very moment that are going through the exact same situation so you are most definitely not alone.

I have and continue to live with PTSD, anxiety and depression and are leading a pretty functional life now so there is no reason why you cannot do this either.

You need to learn to ground yourself. The best way of doing this, i find, is by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness is about living in the present and not worrying about the past nor the future. There is a really good app called, "Smiling Mind" which will help you learn it. It is a learned skill so please download it and persist with it.

Exercise. Critically important to combat anxiety and depression. Not talking about running marathons here but just simple body movement. Take the stairs instead of the escalator. If you cannot get outside like today for instance, put on some active wear, YouTube some exercise videos and do them. Put on some of your fave music and just dance around at home - I have done that. When you have good body movement all types of positive things happen within your brain and body.

I realise that you said that you are upping your meds, but are you being treated outside of the meds?

Here to assist you through this journey mate so feel free to ask any questions.

Mark.

Blue_Jane · ‎03-05-2017

Hi Austin0095

Welcome to our forum. It is brave of you to reach out and share what is going on with you.

I agree with Mark's points above.

You are being very hard on yourself and sometimes when I am in that mindset I focus on three things I am grateful for eg my job and my health. Then I remind myself that everyone out there is focusing on themselves and not me!

How are you feeling now? When can you get to the shops again?

Blue Jane

Ken1 · ‎03-05-2017

Hey austin0095

Can I ask, had you gotten over your feeling ridiculous and hating how you looked today and just gone out, do you think you would've enjoyed being out and shopping, etc? Or do you think you would've felt just the same?

Had someone seen you, someone that you know perhaps, and (this is unlikely) told you that you didn't look good, how do you think you would've reacted?

The reason I'm asking these questions is because it's the easiest thing to get all caught up in your head and not see beyond your thoughts. Sometimes following your 'what ifs' and your negative thinking to see what actually might happen and the chances of it - and how unimportant it really is can help you slowly minimise those thoughts. Totally know it's not a quick fix though.

The other thing I want to say is that between how you look, and how you see yourself, the one thing that has the opportunity to change is how you see yourself. I've struggled with an eating disorder and most days will struggle with how I look too, but at the end of the day I know that I would never talk to anyone else the way I talk to myself and that really helps.

Appreciate you sharing on these forums and hopefully one of us has said something helpful. If you're struggling with depression and anxiety and have a difficult time going out then that makes things extra hard but not too hard that you can't find a way around them.

Hope this helps.

austin0095 · ‎03-07-2017

hey Mark, its really comforting hearing you continue to deal with the problems you have, knowing you have them and acting on it. It took me long long time to get to a doctor about my depression though anxiety isn't something I've acted on and its what i struggle with the most for sure, I'm not in this situation right at this moment but i know that its predominately my anxiety problems that make it so stressful to feel comfortable and the only way i can avoid it is if i try and leave the house quickly, it more or less goes away and then hits me so it really takes over my life on days like i had on my original post.

Thanks for your reply

austin0095 · ‎03-07-2017

In all honesty i think i would have been self conscious all day if i didn't leave the house happy with myself but i can see i still would have enjoyed it, and i saw it then too, i just get so worked up and disappointed with how i look (naturally), i have a lot to work on with how i see myself and self confidence but my perfectionistic personality really makes that hard. If you know what i mean? Thank you for opening me up to the thought i would never talk to someone the way i talk to myself because its very true, I've heard about cutting yourself some slack and not sweating the small stuff and its something i really really want to start practising, because it ultimately effects my work/social life. A work in progress!!

Ken1 · ‎05-07-2017

Hey austin0095

I totally know what you mean. I'm glad that some of what I said stuck with you - the whole self-compassion thing is something I'm not sure that anyone ever truly masters but it makes a phenomenal difference if you stick to it.

Great that you use the word practising because it shows that you understand that things can't change overnight and practise really does see results.

Feel free to keep us updated with how you go!