Anxiety attacks at work

[Denzel]

Hello,

I have suffered from a lot of anxiety in my life but I have never received professional help. Usually I self manage it or talk it through with my family and I get on with things.

About a year ago I started a new job. I was so happy to have finally got a job as I had been looking for a while and thought I had made it through the tough times but unfortunately they had only just begun. I felt unwanted and unaccepted as soon as I started at work. At the beginning I felt strong and confident so I did the best I could, working hard, trying to make connections and earning trust. But slowly over time my anxiety started to take over. I worried about every decision and how it would be interpreted. I worried people were talking behind my back. Recently an incident happened where even though I thought I was being helpful and collegial I received a nasty email that implied I had acted with malicious intent. For 3 days after this incident I fell into a deep depression, cried spontaneously all the time, thought of wanting to die, lashed out at my family and couldn’t think about anything but what had happened. I went over things constantly in my head and couldn’t sleep. The matter has not been resolved and when ever I think about it I have a panic attack. I feel like I am very fragile and any trigger will make me crumble. I am afraid because even though I want to stand up for myself as soon as I have any confrontation I start shaking, my heart starts pounding and the right words just disappear.

Can anyone relate to this and offer any advice? I have organised to see a counsellor and I have spoken to my superior but I am exhausted and can’t believe I have gone from a confident strong person to this mess.

[PamelaR]

Hello Denzel and welcome to the Beyond Blue forums

Anxiety can be debilitating can't it? The good news though, it is manageable. Many in our community, who are caring, friendly, supportive and non judgmental, have many similar experiences to you.
You've taken great steps by - organising a counsellor and speaking to your superior. Well done.
I worked all my life and had the same experience as you on numerous occasions. There are a number of ways I managed these situations and my severe anxiety:

• Tried talking to the person (even though I was a quivering mess). It didn’t work because they weren’t into wanting to resolve anything.
• One situation I ignored the person. We eventually talked and she believed I’d said something that was a slight on her. Wow, she wouldn’t believe me when I said it wasn’t. I had to conclude - it was her problem and not mine. It meant me looking at how I thought about the situation - the problem is not me, it is the other person.
• Another situation - the person and myself sat down with a support person for each of us. We talked through all the issues. The support people were there to help us through. It worked well, we got to the bottom of what the issue really was and ways it could be avoided.

The last scenario, I must say is very late in life and I had the confidence (even though I still had the anxiety) to sit in a conflict situation and to discuss what had happened, how we could go forward and come out being friendly.
There are a few things I’ve learnt:
In most instances of work conflict I found are based on miscommunication. Communicating well is not something
we all do naturally, it is something we have to work at, to improve as we go on.
I was unable to control others - thoughts and behaviours
My thoughts about what others think is not always correct - it has to be validated. I often found talking to someone about the situation helped me to move away from how I thought about it. That is to take the blame off me.
You talked about self managing your anxiety, what sorts of techniques have you used? If you’re interested there’s a thread here - TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY that you might find useful. Go to the BB search field at the top of the page and enter the thread title.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Denzel]

Thank you PamelaR.

It is so nice to know there are people that understand what I am experiencing.

I spoke to someone today about what had happened at work. I was so anxious prior to the meeting. I had to write everything I wanted to say on a piece of paper in case I lost my words (even though I had gone over them a million times in my head). I explained my actions and made it clear that I was not acting with malicious intent. I went through everything leading up to the incident, clearly explaining why I had made each decision along the way. Thankfully the person I saw was very receptive and was able to understand the circumstances now that there was a clear picture of the situation. I felt a thousand times better and hopefully I can sleep a little better tonight.

Many years ago I went through a traumatic work event and ended up resigning from my job as my mental health was deteriorating. I did not have access to any support services. This time I am determined to use my supervisor, counselling services and formal processes if I need to. I will not let an unhealthy work environment ruin my life again (well, so I say now). Fingers crossed I get through this and can continue working while maintaining a healthy state of mind.

I like the tips on managing anxiety but it seems to me that I can cope from day to day using strategies such as exercise, putting aside worry time, acknowledging my anxiety, taking time out and talking to my family. However, as soon as there is an incident where I feel victimised, unfairly treated or my actions are misinterpreted I can't cope. I try to be selfless and treat people fairly and without judgement while doing my work to the best of my abilities. I help others, am friendly and acknowledge my mistakes and try to rectify them. Why is it that I feel that some people are just against me and that they feel that I have done bad things against them. Sometimes communication just doesn't work. People will perceive things in a different way or interpret actions different to how they were intended. I get that. So why do I worry so much and think that I have done the wrong thing and go over scenarios again and again in my head trying to understand the outcomes. It is hard to be at peace when I am constantly in this state.

[PamelaR]

Hi Denzel
Great to hear you’ve spoken to someone. And well done in writing everything down - that’s how you do it.
I’m not a health professional, though I’ve had many similar experiences to you. So maybe I can give you a little of what I’ve learnt through time?
Traumatic events have happened in my life and while at work I have frequently been triggered by certain situations. So my anxiety was always there - never to let me be. Always feeling unworthy, useless, unliked by everyone. However, I did cope. The question is how?
I’m only recently new to therapy so I never had this to fall back on and never knew it was anxiety that I had. Well I was lucky to always have someone within the office to help me. While I’m an introvert, I do talk a lot and do talk about what is on my mind. If I talked about my under confidence, or how I felt my work wasn’t up to scratch, then that person (usually someone higher than me) would always give me positive reinforcement about what I was doing or gave me guidance about what needed improvement. This helped tremendously. Is there anyone in your work environment to mentor you? Does your organisation have a mentoring program?
The basis of this is to help you challenge those views and opinions you have of yourself, to help you see that they aren’t right.
In the work situation, people are always going to have different - views, ways of doing things, interpreting what’s been done. This is absolutely a normal work environment. It actually shows it’s a healthy work environment because people have the courage to speak their mind.
Now, for you I think (my opinion only) it might be useful to learn - to have courage, to be assertive, to be innovative. Learn that it’s okay to be different, to have disagreement.
What sort of training program does your organisation have? Is it feasible to do a confidence and assertiveness training course through them? Alternatively you might like to do one yourself. It’s well worth it. I did, many many years ago. It helped me be assertive, confident and courageous - and still be anxious underneath.

Yes, I know it's hard to be at peace when you constantly feel worthless and have little to no self esteem. What I found work the best was going to my most recent psychologist. He's been the best. Getting to my core beliefs. Are you seeing anyone?

Cheers

PamelaR

[Denzel]

Hi PamelaR,

Wow, you just made me realise something.

You are right. I have done something that goes against the work culture. I have worked using team mentality and collegiality. I have been different and that is why I have been targeted and critised because others who do not work that way and are suspicious of my motives. I need to be assertive and believe that my work ethic and values are genuine and for the good of the team. I have been so constantly put down and felt left out and unwanted at work that I forgot who I was and became full of self doubt and loathing. I need to remember that what has happened in the past does not define me, that I have learned and grown and can stand up for myself and my beliefs. I need to be the change that I want to see in my work environment. Strength and focus.

I spoke to a another colleague today who was going through similar emotions to me but in a different work environment. I have had great mentors in my life but now maybe I need to lead the way to change, maybe I need to be the mentor rather than be engulfed in my anxiety and self doubt.

There have been lots of moments in my life where I regret things that have happened and worry about what I could have done differently. When I am feeling ok, I reassure myself by saying that I did the best I could at that moment in my life and that my past experiences have enabled me to grow and learn. And from that I can now help and be kind to others. That’s how I quieten all the negative thoughts in my head. That’s how I find my moments of peace.

Thanks so much for you help. I now have some clarity and perspective.

What a wonderful person you are to share you stories and advice.

D.

[PamelaR]

Thank you Denzel

I'm so pleased to hear something has clicked for you!! Very encouraging indeed.

Leading change is good, and as one does, challenges and opportunities abound. With this comes bouts of anxiety. However, the anxiety is manageable - being aware of it, knowing you can manage it, having a tool kit that supports that, having support network around you. It's all very doable - with anxiety.

Well done D!!

P

[blondguy]

Hi Denzel

Ive come in late here. PamelaR has provided excellent advice above and good on you for being proactive with your health too

I understand you about anxiety and its an awful set of feelings to have. I hope you can stick stick around the forums and post with us (if you wish to of course) I used to have bad anxiety attacks in my 20's and they were awful

Any questions or thoughts are very welcome Denzel.

I hope your day has been good to you 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Hi denzel.

l'm sorry about what your going through but l can relate. l work for myself now and have for years but even in that l still get nervous attacks doing my work . l'm normally pretty confident in it but even just this week for example , there's been so much going on that even on easy bits l've done 100 times l'm all thumbs and muddled . l just started coming good today thank god ,

But as in your job , when l use to work for a company or whatever , l often got really bad paranoid or just froze with people , fumbled with things l could do well , stuff. Once l stormed out of a great job bc l thought l heard the boss and the others talking bad about me. years later l realized l might've heard it wrong , damn.

l'm sorry l fon't have any tips but thankfully others have. For me it was mainly only with certain types of people , with others l was fine. So choosing a job back then was all about the environment and the people for me and whether l'd feel comfortable and stuff. l use to go to an interview hours early and watch the building and try and sneak a look inside and the people and stuff , before l went in.

Good luck with everything and l hope people can help you out .

rx