Anxiety and nursing

[VeronicaLou]

Hello,

This is my first time joining a forum and my first time discussing anxiety openly. I am 25 years old, working as a full time nurse at a busy hospital . This is my second year nursing and people would expect that the anxiety of working in this field would have minimised after two years. Unfortunately that's not the case.

During my first year of working as a nurse, I had been mentored by a educator who was very tough and her expectation from me was more than I could reach at the time. I constantly felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job and that I was stupid. She even told me during an evaluation of my development, that I shouldn't work in a critical care area because it doesn't suit me. There were a lot of put downs instead of constructive criticisms that I received from her on a daily basis. It got so bad, I started waking up in a panic and became so afraid to go to work. I started calling in sick a lot because of the anxiety and it made me physically sick also. I decided that I couldn't cope feeling like this every morning and I seemed help from my GP. She referred me to a psychologist and gave me a prescription for antidepressants. I tried the antidepressant and after the second tablet, I had a severe adverse reaction to it. I went to the emergency room with dialated pupils, constant shaking for three days, racing heart rate, high blood pressure and severe anxiety. This medication made me worse. I came back to work and I had to let my manager know about what had happened between me and this educator. She was very supportive and spoke to the educator. My educator ended up talking things out with me, I'm not sure if she was attempting to apologise, but she didn't sound very apologetic. Nevertheless, I tried very hard to face her with a smile at work but the fear never went away. My heart would race every time I see her walking through the corridor. Even though I don't work with her anymore, I still constantly feel that I'm not doing good enough, I'm not a good nurse, this area doesn't suit me. I'm a very gentle natured person and I constantly doubt myself because of the things this person said to me in the past. I constantly feel anxious going to work, so much it's caused me to have tension migraines with vertigo, high blood pressure and racing heart rate. I am constantly afraid... it's made it so hard to function at work. I just want to be a good nurse and help people.

[Croix]

Dear VeronicaLou~

I'm afraid that educator left you in a very bad position. Constantly berating someone and forever pointing out their shortcomings is just about guaranteed to put the pupil in the exact same position you are now, with massive lack of confidence, an ingrained habit learned over time.

It's no real use saying how you should have been treated, with positive reinforcement and playing to your strengths - anyone tasked with training and mentoring should know this basic strategy (I trained nurses at uni for years).

Trying to avoid work because you feel this way is terrible in year two of a maybe 30 year career, and you have my great sympathy.

So what to do to set you back on the right path of positive growth and learning? You have already taken the first step by visiting you GP and the second by letting our manager know something is amiss.

The fact that you want to continue is the great thing. If you had lost that then things would be bad. As it is all you need -and I realize it is not that simple - is to work for an extended period in an environment where you do receive the support and positive training you need to get back on your mental feet and further your career.

You mentioned working in a busy hospital - maybe a large one. Are there areas you can go to for a tour of duty where the pressure is less? Not permanently, just for a while. When my wife -also a sister -had been ill for some time she went to X-Ray where the duties were less demanding. That was years ago. Talking the matter over with your manager may yield good suggestions.

On a personal level is there anyone in your life you can talk to - workmate, family friend - who will understand and help?

I'd also suggest having a look around this Forum at how others have coped in similar situations, there is also information about anxiety and depression and panic attacks in The Facts menu above.

Seeking opinions here was a sensible move, and I'm sure you will get back on track. Having the desire to go on and care is the main thing.

Please talk again and say how you are going

Croix

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi VeronicaLou,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

I'm sorry that you've been dealing with this and I'm disappointed your educator said those things and provided a bad experience for you.

Can I ask how intensely she worked with you over that first year? How often was she there; how many responsibilities did she watch you do?

Ideally, a good educator is there to support you and help you find your feet in your role; regardless of how busy the environment is or what sort of area it's in. You have the skills to be a great nurse because otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far. There should be no put downs at all but instead lots of positive encouragement mixed in with constructive criticism to help you become a better nurse. I'm sure that you know all this already, but given the impact she's had on you I think it's important to keep reminding yourself that this is only one person's opinion and regardless of her role, she was not doing a good job.

Critical care can certainly be a tense area to work in, but all areas can be tense in their own way. How would she, or anyone know that you shouldn't work in critical care area? Unless you've tried it you (or anyone else) won't know if its for you. People are resilient. You can and will find that you can meet deadlines and cope under pressure. As a nurse you have the right to explore any and all of the fields and care units that interest you. This is part of the journey of figuring out your career; what you enjoy most/least - where you find you excel at, and your strengths and weaknesses. We all have them.

You mentioned talking to your manager and that she was supportive; what about your other colleagues? Is there anyone at work who knows what you're going through? I'd really encourage you to talk to your manager about it; you can do this in private so that the educator doesn't have to know - but that way she can get an idea of what you're going through and support you throughout.

I also read in your post that you talked to a GP. While it doesn't sound like the medication went down smoothly, did you end up seeing the psychologist? I'd be interested if you want to talk more about that as I think this would be helpful too.

[ruy]

Hi VeronicaLou, thanks for this post. I am a graduate nurse in my first 4 months of placement. I have developed terrible anxiety. I have had very little support in applying what I learned in uni into the workplace, and am expected to know how the ward works without being instructed. I am constantly being reprimanded for not knowing things I have not been told. I too want to be a great nurse, but now when I wake up I now have heart palpitations, nausea and dread. Worse, my days off are spent obsessing about work. I have been spoken about by other nurses who think I am not up to the task, yet I did so well at uni, and know if I had had support I would have done better. Now I feel like a complete failure. I push myself to go to work everyday, I am sick with fear, something that has never happened to me before. It is comforting to know I am not the only one to experience these feelings. I hope things have got a little better since your post. I am considering counselling and medication - not a great way to start a career however.

[Tess2]

Hi Veronicalou and Ruy,

i am a nurse of over 50 years experience and am very distressed to read of your experiences. New graduate nurses should be given structured support especially to get through their first year of practice. Do the hospitals you work in offer graduate year programs ? Or at least inservice? I worked in a paediatric hospital and we only took new graduates in via a programme of structured support with clinical teachers and ward based mentors. It was about getting nurses to succeed. Ruy. Please dont give up after only 4 months. Who can you go to for support? Is there a manager or clinical teacher or a more senior nurse on the ward? What systems are in place in the hospitals? There must be someone who can help during this transition period.

[Croix]

Dear Ruy~

I'd like to join Tess2 in welcoming you here, I'm glad she has been talking to you as she has the experience to point out to you that you are one of very many that do fall into a gap. My close family has been involved in nursing for many years and I"m reasonably familiar wiht the School of Nursing or equivalent syllabus at university.

In addition to pracs there needs to be a bridging procedure for recent graduates, and while some institutions are good in this area it sounds like your particular place of work is not one of them. Ending up stressed and blaming yourself is horrible. Too much of that and you will end up wanting to end your career, which would be a real tragedy. You can see from reading this thread you are not the only one.

Like Tess2 I would strongly suggest you get help. In every hospital there are educators, supervisors, leaders and colleagues to ask advice from. I would think that while unpleasant to seek out help it will be less so that trying to persevere in such an unfeeling and unrealistic atmosphere

Croix

[Whistle17]

Hi Ruy. Im really glad ive come across your post. I am in an exact predicament as you and veronicalou. Ive been doing nursing now for 3 years and still I feel like I am still struggling and not coping at all. So much so that Ive been feeling quite paranoid that the staff are talking about me and that the manager’s quite disappointed having me in the ward. I’m also working in a rather large hospital. Sometimes I really dreaded coming to work that i’d wish id be in some sort of a car accident then i wouldnt have to come in to work anymore. The only thing thats holding me in place is my 18 month old baby. This is a actually my second attempt to give this career a go. I was a nurse back in 2005 then I had to quit after just working 2 years because of anxiety issues as well. Been having some serious doubts if nursing is really for me. Im an introvert soft spoken person. And i usually dont speak up and im always being overshadowed by someone who has a big personality. Ive always done really well in school and ive loved every moment of it. But the real world isnt whAt ive hoped for. In the real world you shouldnt really ask questions. You just need to know “everything” and be very confident about it. This very idea makes me so sad.