Anxiety and Difficulty with New Manager

[Panic90]

Hi everyone

I have anxiety and PTSD. I have recently started a new job within the same company. I have a new manager and work in a different office space with different colleagues. I was in my old job for three years and found it very difficult. I was glad to leave.

I've been in my new role about four months now. My new manager is a lovely lady but her management style is significantly aggravating my anxiety.

She is high energy, constantly on the go, zooming in and out of my office with different things, she can't focus on one task at a time, literally runs around the office freaking out about things, sends 15 emails before 8am changing her mind about everything, doesn't let you finish a sentence without interrupting with some random thought, forgets what she tells you to do, forgets to go to meetings, is constantly late for everything etc

I find myself getting really agitated, freaked out and nervous by this type of environment. I had my anxiety well managed until now. I don't want to let it get out of control.

I ultimately know that the only way to deal with her is to sit down and speak with her but my anxiety is at a point where I can't do it. I had a bad experience with management in my last role and I feel physically sick at the idea of having to discuss this with her. I also feel like I haven't been there very long to be making such a bold complaint and I don't know how she will take this. It's basically criticising her personality.

I've tried some other tactics:

• Closing the door to my office to prevent her from ducking in and out 50 times a day (not joking). However, she just opens the door and closes it constantly which aggravates me even more.
• When she gives me verbal instructions and I know she will forget it, I send an email confirming those instructions. She doesn't read it and still forgets.
• Wearing noise cancelling headphones. She just waves her hands in my face 50 times a day (not joking again) and I end up taking the headphones on and off and on and off.

Has anyone with anxiety experienced a person who aggravates their condition and how did you deal with it?

I

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

That sounds like a really difficult situation, and yes, I agree that some people make anxiety worse, without meaning to. You've done well to put things in place to try and manage the situation, so it's a shame that they haven't worked out as intended. I think you might have to have that difficult conversation, as really, our mental health is the most important thing. So I guess, working out the most comfortable and manageable way of doing that is the solution. I don't think of it as criticising her, if you talk about it from a "me" perspective, then it's not a blame thing, it's about you and what works for you.

Do you think there's a way you'd be able to manage having that convo?

[Panic90]

Thank you for your kind reply.

I'm going to keep trying my more subtle tactics (door shutting, headphones etc) and see how it goes.

I do agree I will need to have a conversation with her. I don't really want to (quite yet) divulge about my mental health condition to her so I'm wondering if there's a way to tell her without doing that? I'm also in a position where I've only been there about four months and it's a contract job which I'm hoping will become permanent. I don't want to rock the boat and ruin my chances of getting a secure job.

I wondered if there was some good tips from anyone on what kind of things to say to her?

[Emmen]

Hello Panic90,

Your work situation sounds anxiety-inducing, I'm sorry you're in this situation. I understand you're not comfortable divulging your condition to her just yet, and I do think telling her that her actions are making you feel more anxious might be taken as a criticism of her personality. I wonder if you phrase it differently, perhaps by telling her that you produce your best work when you can concentrate on the task at hand without interruptions and ask if you could both work out a way for both of you to meet, say, three times a day for these discussions (or every hour if need be)?

Kindly,
M

[Summer Rose]

Hi Panic90

I want to suggest to you that it's not so much your mental health condition that is the issue, it's your manager's lack of professionalism and skill. I don't think many people would be able to work well with her. I know I couldn't.

I don't think she's going to change. As you said yourself, it's her personality. And she has managed to get promoted through the company operating this way, so I'm guessing somehow she gets results.

I'd talk to HR about transfer options or start looking elsewhere for work. I know this may not be what you want to hear but the risk is that you try talking to her and then it goes pear shaped and it's worse for you. Based on the information you've provided, I can see this happening (eg she must have noticed the headphones and door but is chosing to ignore).

You want to come out of this with a good reference after the years you've put in and good health.

Kind thoughts to you

[Panic90]

Thank you Summer Rose and Emmen for your kind words and advice

I was quite afraid to have to admit to myself that the job isn't working out for me. I think you are right Summer Rose, it's time to look elsewhere. My industry has been hit hard by COVID and there's not much going at the moment. I thought I'd had it made with this new job: higher paying, less overtime, consistent work hours etc.

I want to ask my colleagues if they have any ideas but don't want to be seen as the new person whinging about the boss. It's not an overly social office so I don't really know who is friends with who. Office politics. Gotta love it.

Thank you for listening and for your advice. I'm going to keep doing my strategies (door closed, headphones, not replying to 20 emails about the same thing) and start the slow process of looking elsewhere.

Sending best wishes to all.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Panic 90

I agree that you've got nothing to lose by continuing your strategies, as she might pick up the hints and at the same time you look for the right opportunity to suit your needs and timing.

I would not talk to your colleagues. Somebody looking to score points with the boss is liable to say something. The only person I would trust is an HR manager, with their express agreement that the conversation is confidential right from the start.

Keep well and perspective. You are doing you're very best in very difficult circumstances.

Kind thoughts to you