Anxiety about car accidents

[Asha85]

Hi everyone im new here.

I have a number of disabilities and chronic health issues. As a child my brother was in a car accident but i was very young and a medication interaction has robbed me of my long term memory anyway. After recently losing my best friend in a car accident two weeks ago it would be understandable but for the last year since ive got with my boyfriend who is an excellent driver and wonderful man, i have crippling anxiety that he will be in an accident. I ask him to msg me when he is home safe but it is so severe to be to the point of nausea and vomiting. I try distracting myself but in the evening particularly once it is dark i find it so hard to deal with. Any thoughts or coping ideas?

[BballJ]

Hi Asha85,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I am sorry to read that you lost your best friend two weeks ago and your brother when you were younger, very tough stuff to deal with and I can understand how you would get anxiety about being safe in cars, not just for yourself but for people you love, I guess deep in your mind, knowing what you have had to deal with in the past will always make you worry about it. Have you ever spoken to a counsellor about what you have had to deal with? Sometimes speaking to a counsellor about this sort of stuff is one of the best ways to fully deal with and overcome it to a certain extent. There are many coping mechanisms but it almost sounds like your mind may not switch off until you know they are home safe which is why I would suggest speaking to a counsellor to help with these concerns.

What do you do to distract yourself? A coping mechanism may be sitting down in a quiet room and just focusing on breathing in and out, like meditation, you just focus on your breathes, each single one.

My best for you,

Jay

[azarrah]

Hi Asha85.

I'm very sorry about your brother, your friend, and your health problems. I know that rationalising your fear may not help, but in case it does: the likelihood of experiencing a fatal car crash is 1 in about 600. Your own experiences have been highly unlucky, and for that I am sorry. From a personal perspective, I have also been in a car crash, which could easily have been much worse than it was. Everyone walked away unscathed. So even if your boyfriend is involved in an accident - which is unlikely to happen - his chances of serious consequences are very slim. You probably know this, but perhaps a reminder will help.

In my experience, the best way to stop brooding over something is to keep busy. Make it something you need to focus most of your attention on. Even loading a dishwasher could help, because your brain needs to decide where to put each plate. A hobby such as cross stitching, colouring, drawing, or reading is relaxing as well as distracting. You could also try yoga or meditation exercises.

You can also focus on the number of times he's come home safely. Instead of dreading the fear of knowing he's driving, try focus on the relief you'll feel when he texts you. That may help turn a negative experience into one with a light at the end of the tunnel.

[geoff]

hi Asha, I can well and truly understand this fear that you are having, because it's only normal when you have lost someone close to you in an accident, but it seems to be that it's bringing you back to when your brother was involved, and this means that PTSD is taking hold of you and making you feel scared for your b/friend.
Love will make you feel this way but you can get the help you need, so that you are able to cope better.
I had PTSD after my van accident when it was close to having the broken steering wheel go through me, just a couple of cm's away, but I've had to have multiple hip operations, but now the PTSD I had has now gone away, mainly because my circumstances have changed.
A psychologist can help you with CBT therapy or you could read this when you google it 'Chronic Anxiety Disorder: The Price You Pay for Hiding Your True Self', remember it's a thought anxiety that is worrying you, but it's only natural, as I have a son who lives 9 hours away and he often comes to Melbourne, so my worry for him is always there, but I concentrate on something else, something that needs all my attention, but I do suggest that you seek help for this, otherwise it's a problem that is always going to worry you. Geoff. x