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Am I wrong/ out of line?

Community Member

I feel this is weird and very specific but Ive had a singing teacher for a number of years who is also a counsellor, they often use counselling methods in lessons saying that singing often brings up difficult emotions, which it does. I am quite socially anxious and well often talk about things in lessons, often the discussion is too short and leaves me a bit unsure of myself. I actually don’t like discussing my insecurities much, it can help but it’s often caused me to cry in lessons.  The teacher recently broke up with her husband stating emotional abuse and when I mentioned my mother not showing emotions much because she’s English, the teacher said no, that’s abuse very definitively and criticised my mum as a person that she’d dealt with in person. I was a bit shocked, she is certainly not abusive but very loving (just doesn’t tell you how she feels) and it really upset me, she will often be at concerts my teacher attends. I felt ashamed that I’d made my mum seem awful and wrote an email to the teacher telling her the reasons why my mum is the way she is and that she’s not abusive and that my husband (who she called manipulative) was not.  The teacher thought I was stepping over a boundary and looking for counselling, which I wasn’t. I couldn’t sleep after this, I was a few days out of my period and it stressed me out so much that I called her to explain that I wasn’t looking for counselling, I was just really upset that she’d said my mother was abusive. She was quite angry at me and at the same time accused me of two things that I’d done which had upset her in classes recently, one which I can understand over a very silly joke that I acknowledged at the time but the other was completely fabricated.I felt completely gaslit and that it was all my fault for blurring boundaries but I feel that she’s always blurred the lines and breached my boundaries and perhaps she shouldn’t use counselling methods if she doesn’t want her students to feel like they can bring things up. She’s now put up a very ‘professional’ wall and won’t apologise for calling my mum abusive or acknowledge it, it’s all my fault. 
I feel quite destroyed over this, it’s really affected me, I feel like I can’t judge or trust people well as it is without someone I’ve worked with for so long making me feel like this. Her moods have been unpredictable in the past couple of years too, I don’t know what to make of her. I’ve also caught a couple of lies that were weird and pointless in the past. 

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome


All professions have qualified individuals that aren't professional enough to occupy that role. They might well have passed achieved the qualifications to get them into such profession but that doesnt mean parts of their personality is suitable to carry out those duties.


I think it was unfair conclusions thy came to based on such short conversations. Furthermore when you consulted her with a reasonable request she got defensive and even combative. 


Clearly this music teacher should not include her counselling but I do see why she does, because she feels she has more than a music teacher role leaning towards a personal interest in your well being, thats what people that are counsellors do, they have empathy. However I think she was over reactive.


If this music teacher is that abrasive I think moving on to another one would be the answer. I dont think this situation is easily repairable back to what it was.



Thankyou Tony, 

I really appreciate your opinion, I’ve discussed it with my partner who thinks similarly but I really needed outside advice, I felt like I was going mad/ overreacted, perhaps I did but I really felt that she could’ve had more empathy towards me, rather than snapping to this corporate wall- like personality. It may be the result of her going through divorce etc but it really hurt. In high insight, I think I’ve been on the edge of some kind of burnout and it triggered me more than it should have. I feel too humiliated to go back to her, even after all of the years of work I’ve done with her. I think I’ve needed to move on for two years though, it’s overdue. I really appreciate your input, thanks again.