Alright, here I go...

[KidJones]

Hi everybody.

I'm a 31yo male who has been trying to cope with on and off anxiety for around 4 years now. Not exactly loving this experience to say the least.

To get down to what I want to say I'll just out right and say it.

I recently was sick with what the doctors told me was bronchitis, taken antibiotics 3 times now and every time things got better it came back, so that kind of set my anxiety off about to the point I keep thinking it might be something else. I have on occasions get intrusive thoughts that freak me out every now and again, throwing that in there because it will become relevant in the minute. I was feeling content and recovered last night while playing PS4 when suddenly my intrusive thoughts decided to say hello! I was doing something in the game when my thoughts just went "quickly do this or mum will die" which threw me off and made me paranoid and anxious as all hell. I got tight in the chest, heart beating faster, confused, and began coughing. Was hard to sleep aswell as I was tossing and turning all night with very little sleep accomplished. Woke up and my ribs are in a little bit of pain, coughing keeps creeping in, feel like I might throw up sometimes, and feeling guilty as anything where I want to cry but can't. What is wrong with me?

I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed but feel deeply regretful over that stupid intrusive thought.

Wish I was normal like when I was a kid.

Any feedback is appreciated, and thank you for taking time out to read my post. Very grateful.

[InhaleExhale]

Hi KidJones,
First of all, well done on reaching out. I hope these forums can provide some support for you and let you know that you’re not going through this alone.
Sorry to hear that you haven’t been well with bronchitis and anxiety. It sounds like you are going though a really hard time and the intrusive thoughts must be terrifying. You’re also having sleep problems which probably just seems to make everything harder. Does that sound right?
You’ve mentioned a lot of physical symptoms as well such as feeling like throwing up and wanting to cry which I have actually had myself due to anxiety a few years ago. I found this very scary and I want you to know that there are others out there with the same symptoms.
It’s great that you are trying things to stay calm and relaxed such as playing the PS4. I’m wondering if there anything else that has helped you in the past or maybe some other activities that you could try?
I can definitely appreciate that you want things to go back to normal like when you were a kid. You haven’t always had these feelings and intrusive thoughts and they are very upsetting.
I’d love to hear back from you and thanks for posting.
InhaleExhale

[KidJones]

Thank you for replying InhaleExhale, that of itself means a whole lot to me.

You're spot on about it all, everything just sometimes feels terrifying, some moments there are times when my mind feels like it goes directly into rush hour when awful thoughts seem to just clutter everywhere and all I can do to stop losing it fight them off as if they're not there, but it still leaves me feeling low and disgusted in myself.

The physical side in easier terms to explain things would feelings of tightness, slight annoyance of pain, and sort of like gas bubbles being trapped within my stomach, chest, middle of chest and sides. Frightens me but I try to remind myself they're anxiety pains that will eventually subside. Though sometimes that doesn't help.

Other activities besides the PS4 I haven't done in around 3 years because I had a huge wave of depression snack me down out of the blue. I lost all motivation for anything. I used to love running, and weight lifting but haven't tried them in a while. Have put on the kilos and just feels like I've dug myself further down into it all. But I truly want to be able to get back I to all of that.

O used to get these thoughts but I was able to ignore them and let them pass by but given the last few years it's like they cling to me and just hide for a while before emerging back into my mind. It's very frustrating.

I feel so guilty over my thought I had that I've been down on it all day just trying to let it go and move passed it, like it never happened.

Again, I really do appreciate your reply and am grateful for it. Thank you.

[Gambit87]

Hi KidJones,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out! I can relate with intrusive thoughts! they're brutal.

I obsess over the fear of harming myself and others people (including my partner) which means I get intrusive thoughts of harming my self and others. Even though I would never ever harm myself or anyone in a million years.

I'd obsess and fight my intrusive thoughts hard, the thoughts of hurting myself or other people really rock me and I would absolutely chastise myself for thinking these thoughts and it would lead to negative thoughts about myself. It was/is a vicious cycle that overwhelms me.

I've learnt that reacting to these thoughts only feeds them and makes them stronger. I'm learning to acknowledge these intrusive thoughts as fake news, letting them go and then focus on something else. Im finding as I am reacting less to them they are impacting me less. Sometimes they even go away as quickly as they pop into my head.

What helps me alot is getting out and about, short walks, bike rides anything that requires me to focus on what im doing/surroundings and meditating.

You're not alone mate.

[InhaleExhale]

Hi again KidJones! I’m glad to hear back from you.

You have a great way of describing your physical and emotional feelings. I think it can be really helpful if you can explain what you are experiencing to others because it makes it feel real and valid. When you said that you try to remind yourself that they are anxiety pains that will subside that reminded me of something I find useful which is that all thoughts and feeling will pass, the only constant in life is change. I also like to remind myself that the number of people who experience anxiety is huge. Like Gambit87 said, you’re not alone.

I also noticed that you said you feel low and disgusted in yourself. It makes sense that you feel like this given how mental health problems are often perceived as a weakness in our society. The truth is that it’s not your fault that you are experiencing this. It’s super common, really difficult and can happen to literally anyone, just like a broken leg. The fact that you are reaching out is fantastic and shows that you might be ready to make some changes and consider some different methods to help with your symptoms. You can be proud of yourself for taking this step and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, this is such a super difficult thing to do.

Running or weight lifting would be a great way to start increasing those feel good hormones in your body. They would definitely help to lift your mood, but of course if your feeling down it would be very hard to get going. It sounds like you are keen to give them a go which I think is great, I would suggest maybe just starting small, a short run and see how you go.

Let me know what you think.
InhaleExhale

[KidJones]

Thanks again for replying InhaleExhale.

So I had another moment last night. I couldn't sleep the previous night and come last night I only managed 2 hours, so I decided to switch on the games for a while, and lo and behold those intrusive thoughts decided to pay me another visit, but this time I feel like a bomb exploded in my stomach and all day it feels like I've had acid reflux running up and down my body. Like deep heat or something.

Went to the doctor yesterday and got prescribed some meds to help after having heart check, which come back all good. Felt great all day after that then came night and what I said happened. Now my gut just doesn't want to stop growling at me, never really had this type of thing before.

Just hoping it goes away, trying to ease my mind of things and think positively, but it feels like it's easier said than done.

Thanks for hearing me out.

[KidJones]

Thank you for your reply Gambit87.

Somedays it feels overwhelming to the point I feel my brain may break into a million little pieces, or like an onslaught of traffic raging through my mind. At the end of it I feel as though I've been thrown through the mill to exhaustion.

I try to wave the thoughts of as insignificant little things but sometimes feels like it makes it worse. I'm up to the point where I get headaches, stomach pain, back pain, pain in my sides and acid reflux. This isn't a way to live.

I plan on seeing my doctor then hopefully a psychologist just to hear me out. Try to exercise to keep myself busy but can't do that all day.

It never used to affect me like this but lately has become too much.

Again, thanks for the reply. Appreciate it.

Kidjones.

[InhaleExhale]

Hi KidJones,

It might take a while, and a lot of hard work on your behalf, but it will go away. You will be ok.

Is it usually at night that you are feeling your worst? For me it was the morning. I don’t know if it’s the same for you and the PS4 but I found at the time that my anxiety was triggered by watching TV shows with any sort of suspense. To the point where I stopped watching TV!

I’m glad to hear a few things in your posts. You’re going to the doctors, have gotten some meds, maybe a psychologist and you’re exercising as well. I have found all of these to be really helpful in recovery and I hope you do too.

One other thing I found really helpful (but really difficult) was talking to my friends about what I was experiencing. It was really hard to admit I was struggling and not well but I felt so much better after getting it all off my chest. I wonder if you have anyone in your life you would feel comfortable talking to?

I apologise for it having been a while since my last post, I’m on placement here at Beyond Blue and will be checking forums on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Thanks for keeping in touch.
InhaleExhale.

[Gambit87]

I can definitely understand the feelings of being overwhelmed! It really gets exhausting after a while.

Do you get anxious at all? For me, I find the frequency and intensity of my intrusive thoughts depend on how anxious I get. If I'm calmed, relaxed and not anxious the thoughts just dont register and im sitting there ready to catch myself incase once comes in! If my anxiety is high - my mind is a raging dumpster fire of thoughts that overwhelms me.