Advice Please? How to quit job without burning bridges?

[Aussie.Girl]

I have finally decided to leave my job because there is too much pressure to do more, go faster, be perfect etc and I just can't handle it anymore. 

I am the only employee and work closely with my boss.

I had planned to stay until the end of the year (as we haven't started booking for 2024 yet), so there would be no argument from my boss about having too much work for her to handle alone. 

However, she is already pressuring me about doing extra days and covering for her holiday in April 2024 (which isn't even finalised yet), so I need to tell her I'm leaving ASAP. So that she only books what she can handle for 2024. 

My boss is the reason I want to leave (one eg. she blames me for everything - even customers turning up late). I don't want to burn bridges though because she is close friends with my ex-boss who I don't want to think badly of me. 

So what am I supposed to tell her when she asked why I'm leaving?

I'm not good with confrontation so I'd like to avoid lying but I can't tell her she's the problem.

Also, when would be best to tell her? At the start or end of the week? 

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Please wish me luck... I really don't want to have 'the talk' about quitting but I know I have to leave...

[sunnyl20]

Hello,

I am sorry to hear that this is causing you so much stress, it sounds like your boss and her treatment of you are unfair and having a really negative impact on you. It is especially difficult when you are the only one, with no other employees as a buffer. 

Your wellbeing is the most important thing. From what you've described, it sounds like if you continue on the same trajectory into next year, you will only feel worse - try to keep this front of mind in terms of how important this is for you. In saying this, I can only imagine how stuck you feel given the way your boss treats you and her potential response to your leaving. In terms of burning bridges or your ex-boss thinking badly of you, I think that if you give your boss plenty of notice (minimum 2-3 weeks) then that is reasonable. Whether your boss twists your words or says other things to this ex-boss is unfortunately out of your control, but I think you have recognised how important leaving this job is regardless. 

You do not have to explain the true reason why you are leaving. If you feel comfortable with doing so, you could give her an alternative reason like 'an opportunity has come up elsewhere that you want to look into/ pursue', 'need to spend time with a sick family member', 'I've really enjoyed the experience of working here but I feel like I am ready to move on' (whether that is to a different area, somewhere with a bigger team, working different days)... you may have to fudge it a little bit. This may sound strange but it may be helpful to do a bit of role play with a friend or family member of what you might say and you can practice being assertive with them. 

Be prepared that your boss may try to 'guilt' you into staying - it is important that you are prepared in what you want to say and that you stand your ground.

I don't think there is a best day of the week but maybe do it towards the end of the day (if that is feasible with the nature of the work). I think the important part is to do it sooner rather than later. Acknowledge it will probably feel quite uncomfortable, but remind yourself of why leaving this job is what you need to do. 

Please do not hesitate to reply, I am here to listen if you need.

Take care. 

[therising]

Hi Aussie.Girl

I feel for you so much as you face so many stressors on top of trying to figure out how to resign. Personally, I found a lot of fear in resigning from my job last year and, when breaking it all down, managed to identify all the fears while addressing each one

• The fear of not resigning well. I covered this one largely by carefully crafting everything I wanted to say into my resignation letter. I must have read and reread that letter 20 times before I handed it over. That letter spoke for me as my boss read it in front of me
• The fear of walking up to the boss with a good opening line, while preparing to hand the letter over. I found asking if my boss had a free moment, while she was in her office on her own, was a good start. The second I pulled the envelope out, she pretty much knew what I was about to say. Not too many things come in an envelope from an employee (from out of the blue) beyond a resignation letter.
• Fear of picking the wrong time to leave (aka the last day of work). I knew my workplace would find it a struggle to replace staff, so I gave them a couple of months or so in which to fill my role. Putting the end date in writing makes it an official date. Whether it's a date you have to look forward to (with an exciting countdown) or a date that you're open to negotiation with, as time comes closer, is up to you
• Fear of the boss's reaction. Basically, we can't manage the way someone else's going to react. All we can really do is prepare them best we can for what we know they'll most likely feel as stress
• And here is the ultimate fear a lot of people have...facing the build up to the moment where you do it. My gosh, I think I was just about hyperventilating in the lead up but, basically, it has to be done. I even researched 'How to resign'. One of the best tips was 'Don't do it on a Friday. If you like your boss, you'll possibly ruin their weekend'

The job of manager is a tough role, which is why they get paid more than we do. Part of that management involves managing resignations and managing the challenge of employing new staff. While management where I worked were generally great, one thing they refused to manage was the staff shortage. No matter how many times they were told by staff that the job was just too stressful without an extra staff member to take the load off, they weren't prepared to pay for an extra staff member. Short staffing can end up costing us in so many ways. We shouldn't be paying the price with our nervous system and mental health.

Wishing you all the best with your resignation plans.🙂❤️

[blues23]

Hi Aussie girl

Sorry your having a hard time at work it’s good you have decided to leave for your own personal wellbeing, as others have mentioned giving 2 weeks notice ( depending on your time in the role ) quitting is always hard you don’t necessarily have to tell your boss why if she asks just say it’s personal reasons, you can put it in writing to ease the pressure on you to have this discussion , I personally have quit mid week , early in the week I think what matters is your wellbeing try to focus on that . But maybe If your really anxious give her your letter first thing Monday , 

[Aussie.Girl]

Thank you all for your replies. I think I really needed some people to assure me I was making the right choice so that I'd have the guts to go through with it.  

I handed in my notice, and it actually went reasonably well - so that was good & I already feel much less stressed. 

If anyone reading this is in a similar situation, I ended up using sunnyl20's suggestion of a white lie (that I wanted to change jobs/industries to one that suited me better) and my boss accepted this with no arguments. 

Thanks again to everyone who replied. 

[sunnyl20]

It is no worries at all, I am glad it went okay. I hope you can feel some relief now that it is over and I hope that the next few months are less stressful for you. 

Take care.