Adjustment disorder & anxiety.

[Claire_W]

Hi, it's Claire, I'm new here! Slowly working my way through this with a lovely psychologist may Be for a year now. Struggling with one of my triggers being the only friend that I opened up to. This is so hard, confusing. Just would dearly love to chat with others going through similar ongoing experience. C

[Miz]

Hey Claire,

I'm sorry to hear your friend has been treating you this way - it sounds like you aren't feeling very heard in that relationship. Have you tried to speak to her about the way you feel? Even just opening up slightly and voicing that you want to feel a bit more supported and balance in the relationship?

If you do say something and she doesn't respond it might be time to give the relationship a break. It doesn't sound like she is making you feel the best and it's important to surround ourselves with supporters rather than people who bring us down !

Here to chat.

[Claire_W]

Hi Thanks heaps for that. I have tried to start this convo with her. Problem is, we seem only to meet where and when she can fit me in to her schedule. I have actually said I don't feel comfortable or "safe" chatting at her work place. She didn't like that, hey. The more I reflect on this relationship the more I see how vulnerable I have been. After losing my Dad two yrs ago, I've struggled with grief, loss.

I see now I think it not just me and my disorder playing out. I think she is actually now a negative in my healing even though it hurts to realise this.

[Claire_W]

Heya, really love that you have replied. Feels so nice, Thank you. Not sure if you can see my reply to another post by Miz.

You know I thought it was just me and my fault, my weakness. I have been having this re occurring anxiety trigger happen over the last year. In reflection and working with psych and having more chats here, I think not, I must stop this cycle of putting myself back in this relationship without this issue being talked over when and where it's more mutual meeting place. Not just when she can fit me in. Im so sad about this, but i can see I need distance, covid actually has helped. I feel better with less contact, now that cloud of anxiety has cleared once more, and i am letting go of her and the idea of adult friend, was a lovely friendship, I feel I can concentrate on finding myself again ,do the things I love, that make me me and are self soothing.

Losing Dad still is so sad for me, even after two yrs. I see I need people who can love me any time not just when they are in the mood Hope this makes sense it's hard to describe this broken heart and why it's slow to heal but being on here I've found I lovely new support base from unknown people. It's amazing.

C

[Petal22]

Hi Claire W,

Im so sorry for the loss of your Dad, that must be difficult for you…….

Our Dads are our first loves I understand healing will take time..

It’s ok if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again. It’s ok to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control. You are not weak . Healing is messy. There is no time line for healing.

I think that’s a great idea finding your self again and doing the things you love….

Not everyone, deserves your smile, your passion, and your friendship.

Sometimes the most powerful thing to do is to walk away from people who drain you.

Im here to chat

[Claire_W]

That message was so lovely. Thankyou. I've been so confused about my relationship with this friend, how amazing she can make me feel, then how lonely, left out and anxious, paranoid .

So helpful to have another perspective. She did msg as usual on Monday after she failed to contact me over the weekend, again, not even a little text to say a quick hi. Then gave me a day, time and place SHE could meet me.

I can see a pattern now, there was no " is there a time that is better for you" or anything just the time slot convient for her. Actually it dosent suit me, i have telehealth appointment hey. Her triggering me is now really clear for me. Thankyou for your advice, really powerful, now is the time to think of myself for once and not give in to suit people and be so obliging, which us what I have been doing.

It's very helpful to write this down, even if it's just to the universe. It helps clarify my thoughts.

C