6am and still awake...

[TS]

Hi,

The sky is getting lighter outside and the birds are starting to chirp, but I haven't had a wink of sleep since trying to go to bed hours ago... my heart is racing and I've been on the verge of tears (if not bawling my eyes out) for the past 5 hours now.

Things have been like this for almost 6 years. Not every night, not even most nights - but every now and then, it happens. Sometimes without warning, sometimes triggered by an upsetting event. And once it starts, the anxiety grows and snowballs and gets infinitely huge until all I want to do is leap out of my body, away from my racing heart and mind, to somewhere far away. I toss and turn and get more and more freaked out by everything until I have no choice but to get out of bed and away from the thoughts by parking myself in front of the TV to try to forget everything.

And it's always, always on the back of my mind: will tonight be another one of *those* nights?

I am a naturally anxious/high-achieving person. I've been through two incredibly stressful degrees (I'm almost 27) and now, because I have chosen not to pursue the path my education would indicate (another story), I am looking for a job - without much success. 

I feel so helpless when this "sleep anxiety" happens to me. I don't know what to do I don't know where to turn. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive and tries his best (he stayed up with me for 3 hours tonight but he couldn't keep his head up so I told him to go to bed) but it's not something I expect people to understand or know how to help.

I've tried going to my GP and she referred me to a psychologist, who didn't help all that much.

I'm at a loss for what to do. I know I should probably consider seeing another professional. 

I am just so exhausted. If it persists like this I'm afraid of what I might do.

I know it's linked to feeling useless/unemployable/not having money or direction but this began well before all of this was even an issue.

I just want to be normal - to fall into bed like a normal person, close my eyes, and fall asleep...

Helpful related threads:

Sleep

[integrityguy]

Hi TS

I've been there many times. It's just another nuisance that anxiety sufferers have to deal with. Night is the time where our bodies are supposed to relax and recharge us for the next day, but our minds seem to have other ideas (literally). It can also be compounded by anxiety about not getting to sleep, which creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, and means you sleep even less (or not at all).

Maybe a different psychologist might help? I've been told that sometimes you have to go to more than 1 professional to find someone who is the "right fit" for you.

In terms of sleeping (or not sleeping) ... you're probably mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted right about now, so probably your highest priority at this point should be to give yourself some time out. Take a few hot showers, get a massage, go for a walk, etc. The experts suggest, just before you go to bed, that you write down your thoughts and worries on a piece of paper, and maybe put them in a box. It can give you a sense of "letting go". Sometimes life is about taking things one minute at a time, moment by moment. All the best, and take care of yourself.

[Pixie15]

Hi TS,

I hope that when the tears end you do feel some relief. I know what it is like to cry uncontrollably. After many years of suffering I have recently been getting help from a psychologist. I have some features of GAD but am high functioning so I am not really considered to be ill. I do have a high level of stress because of my various commitments. I hit overload on the stress at times and can end up with severe depression. I am currently undertaking a program of CBT. It may help to write down what you are thinking when you are crying. It may be worth while trying a different psychologist. I know from my experience that it can be a very challenging process. But it has been worth the effort. Best wishes, Chris.