13 Years and still anxious - tips?

[Volar]

Hi All,

I wanted to start by giving a background...

I grew up with great family and friends, and nothing from my past really was stressful or bad. My parents are very liberal meaning that drinking from a young age was allowed, which didn't interest me much. They also smoke (not cigarettes) which is something I seemed to enjoy a lot more, no hangover or loss of control etc.

Most/all of my friends got into smoking and other stuff pretty early on and yet still managed to be A students, ending up at good Universities and now all have good/well paid jobs.

I used to smoke most days for 8ish years and at weekends do other stuff. I then decided one day to stop it all as I was bored of it....still no anxiety.

One summers day after a few drinks I went to a shop and bought a "legal high," thinking by this point in my life not much could really affect me I took it...an hour went past and then I started being sick, sweating and feeling very unwell. I decided to take myself home, where I spent the next 8 hours shivering and throwing up. This is where my anxiety started...every morning for 6ish months I would wake up and want to throw up and I would shiver myself to sleep every night. At work it felt like the screen was moving around and had this constant "root" down my throat and in my stomach making me want to gag.

I spoke to friends and professionals who all asked "what are you anxious about?" The answer...nothing, apart from the feeling of being anxious.

I remembered a few relaxation techniques I had learnt as a kid - slow breathing and think of somewhere you feel relaxed (beach under a palm tree, with my hand in the sand). This seemed to get me through most days when things were bad.

My brother then committed suicide after battling with being bi-polar, all of a sudden my anxiety was gone (perhaps the shock cleared my thought paths).

I now have a good job, great wife/friends and am healthy and fit. I still go through patches of anxiety and depression, but they are less frequent/severe. When the anxiety comes I tell myself I can get through it, use the relaxation techniques and I always do.

The worst bit about anxiety for me is the physical feeling (the "root") that makes you feel sick, faint, heart racing and want to gag and unfortunately after 13 years I still don't know how to cope with this and you can't tell people about it or be labeled as mad etc. Anyone got any tips?

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Volar;

I'm interested in the response you describe after taking a 'legal high'. Obviously you can't quote the chemical name due to posting rules, but it'd be ok if you used the 'group' it comes from. Your experience might be the result of an allergic reaction or interaction with another drug or substance.

Apart from your brother's untimely death, (I'm so sorry about this) the reaction you had (above) I feel may be at the core of your anxiety. Remembering the aftermath's important, so my focus is more about this.

Anxiety's the result of a dysfunctional adrenaline gland 'process' that starts in the brain; 'fight, flight, freeze response'. You can usually find the initial cause after searching for an instance where you felt as if you were going to die.

This thought can activate a primal response in your brain that ensures survival of the species, causing your adrenaline to spike to prepare you for running, fighting or death. A traumatic event is the likely pre curser. When your body reacted the way it did, was it a feeling of dying or wanting to die to make the vomiting etc stop? This is important..

Many people think it's our psychology that causes anxiety, but the real cause is in our bodies or more precise, our brain. It's our thoughts that 'trigger' the physical cycle of 'fight or flight' and the anxiety it causes.

Years after the initial event, something may occur that causes us to 'unconsciously remember' the fear factor involved originally and causes our brains to react in kind because it wasn't addressed at the time. To recover, it's a matter of retraining your brain to redefine beliefs and body memories.

Those beliefs are hidden subconsciously so learning about 'why' you were so scared in the first place is important.

You've obviously found ways to address anxiety when it occurs, and that's great. Well done! Maybe it's time to look a little deeper at the complexities of the cause.

I'm here most days if you have questions or want to talk. You're a brave man for disclosing your issues on this forum too. It's a difficult first step for most. I hope I haven't confused you any more than you already are.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Volar]

Hi Sez,

Firstly thanks for your response!

I understand that anxiety is the bodies reaction to a stimuli which results in "fight or flight." I find a major trigger is caffeine, which I sometimes test to see if I can get through it.

The issue with my anxiety has always been there is nothing to attribute to...I have dealt with other mental health issues during my adolescence (psychosis/mild schizophrenia) which I got through on my own without medication.

My greatest fear is going mad, and I feel like I have been close and certainly seen others who have died as a result of it...however I do not attribute my anxiety to this nor my brothers death. Its like my body is high alert at all times for no reason...which not only is very unpleasant but very tiring also.

The "legal high" was bought from a shop (before they were banned) and was labeled as plant fertilizer. My partner at the time had the same reaction (vomiting and shaking) but did not have the anxiety after.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond. I have discussed these issues with a number of people/doctors but no one has answers (inc. medication), and I just wonder how long it will go on for?

[Just Sara]

Hi again Volar;

You're so welcome! 🙂

I probably should've explained myself better when I spoke about the adrenaline process. The central nervous system and adrenal gland becomes physically damaged from being hyper-vigilant 24/7, as you've mentioned.

Situations with caffeine are common, so you obviously understand that aspect. In my own case I used to go into a full blown panic attack from pushing myself at the gym.

My greatest accomplishment in recovery was 'mindfulness', though it took ages to perfect and comprehend the technique.

I've just gone over your original post and something occurred to me; some memories are conscious...and some aren't. They can be completely repressed by the brain to survive a traumatic event. I understand this better than most as it was the backdrop for my own depression/anxiety and eventual breakdown.

I'm not sure whether to go on as my own story may or may not resonate, though it could trigger. Bit of a dicey call actually. What I can say, is to please bring up the issue of repressed memory with your psychologist/psychiatrist as a 'suspect' cause of your anxiety/depression.

If they say it's controversial and not widely accepted, it's up to you to either investigate or leave it alone. I hope I'm wrong...

Sez

[Volar]

Its always good to hear other peoples experiences as you can learn from it, especially your techniques.

I studied psychology for 4 years and have seen a psychiatrist, both not really providing the answers I was seeking. But maybe I will try someone different.

Again thanks for taking the time to read my story/rant lol