You are the happiest person I know.

[PLA0049]

"I can be surround by a sea of people and still feel utterly alone"
People believe that the more friend you have the more likely your are to be happy,I believe though people are wrong.You can be the most popular person on earth but still feel empty and alone even worthless.I can't explain the feeling it like the feeling when you did something really bad and you get that tightness in your chest and for a moment everything around you disappears and you are just focus on that pain.I try to I under all that pain and try to focus and tell myself it was all in my head,then I stop being afraid of the monsters under my bed when I start to realize they where all in my head.And how do you tell someone that you are going mad,it's not really a conversation you bring up at the dinner table.hey I'm depressed"I feel like that why is so bad because you got to fight it alone because its a 'mental illness".
I come to school each day and put on a brave face,laugh,smile,talk to try and avoid questions like "are you okay","what wrong","stop acting so depressed".Because the more I do this the more I will convince myself that I'm happy when I'm really not,and I haven't been for a long time.But honesty when people ask if I'm okay I take a deep breath and say "I'm okay just a bit tried," trying to hold back the tears imagination the respond I would of got if I would of said "No"
I want up to one of my close teachers to try and ask for help and the conversation want a little like this.Her:"are you okay,you seem really flat lately?"Me:....."I'm okay just tired"Her:"you normal so happy and you been quiet for the last couple of days"Me:"I'm never happy...haha"Her:"yeah!you are like the happiest person I know"Me:"yeah true haha oh well I got to get to class"That when I realized that I fool people so well in to thinking that I'm this happy,in some sort I fooled myself.


I'm tried of pretending,but the more I come to school lately without wearing my mask the more questions people will ask.

What should I Do?

[white knight]

What should you do?

Read, read, read!

Every night read a thread on this forum.

Read books on depression.

The more knowledge you have about it the better perspective you have.

Keep close and often contact with your doctor .

Other people won't understand...accept that. Like, we don't acknowledge the difficulties living in a wheelchair until we do.

A few threads you can

Google these

Topic: depression are there any positives- beyondblue

Topic: depression and sensitivity, a connection?- beyondblue

Topic: they just won't understand, why? - beyondblue

Tony WK

[Maggie_Mae]

Hi PLA0049

welcome and thanks for sharing your story, (not an easy thing to do)

firstly I want to say you are not alone in feeling like this. It is often easier to pretend or like you said wear a mask. I have been there and still to often choice to respond with 'just a bit tired' You have taken a few big steps, which is awesome. Firstly speaking to your teacher and secondly on here.

have you thought about speaking to a GP about how you are feeling?

IF you feel you can talk to your teacher again maybe do so, maybe if you can't say it maybe you could write it down.

Dont want to ramble on to much, so I will end in saying your not on your own.

[Uni_nursing_student]

Hi,

I want you to know you are not alone, i have so many friends and family members which i see on a daily basis, always socializing, however when i go and sit at home i also feel lonely. The only advice i can give to you is that i have told my close family and friends about how i feel. So they understand that i may i look ok, but inside its not always the case. It makes them aware of your situation, and they will start to recognise when you are not 100% even when you are wearing the mask. A challenge which i am trying to face is to love my own company. It is something you should try. After your busy day, try to sit and do something you enjoy, even watching t.v, youtube, reading, cooking. And just focus on doing that alone and enjoying the serenity of being alone. Its a hard concept to enjoy, but with practice i hope it works. I am always here to talk if you need me.

[blondguy]

Hi PLA0049...I am sorry to 'highjack your thread' I just wanted to have a word with Uni_nursing if thats okay 🙂

Dear Uni...My name is Paul and if can say hello and give you a compliment....

Uni_nursing_student said: "A challenge which i am trying to face is to love my own company. It is
something you should try. After your busy day, try to sit and do
something you enjoy, even watching t.v, youtube, reading, cooking. And
just focus on doing that alone and enjoying the serenity of being alone.
Its a hard concept to enjoy, but with practice i hope it works. I am
always here to talk if you need me."

What a wonderful and kind post! Nice1 🙂

Paul