Relationship issues revolving around depression

[Panda01]

Hi,

I'm a high school student and need some advice. To start with i experience anxiety regularly and occasionally get depressed. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend of 7 months and things have been great up until the past month. We are very close and I feel like I rely on him for emotional support a lot. Lately he has seemed a bit distant and says he's confused about his feelings. He says he doesn't feel like being around me as he always feels down. He knows how much I care about him and I've told him that I am always there for him but he says I can't do anything. He insists that I have not done anything wrong and says he doesn't want to hurt me and that he needs space. I am willing to give him space but I feel worthless and like I've failed him and it's really emotionally taxing not knowing where our relationship is going. I'm scared of losing him as he is the only person I feel comfortable talking about my feelings with but I want him to be happy and realise that being with me may be preventing that. I'm just a bit confused and feeling so helpless. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

- Panda01

[white knight]

Hi Panda, welcome.

There are some things in our lives that we cannot have much effect on. You'll hear people say "if its out of my control I cant do anything about it". That is so true. So in order to help with your anxiety there are a number of things you need to give logical thought to so you can cope.

- Control. You cant control others feelings about you. It doesn't mean you are at fault or have faults. It could be they feel they are missing their free life unattached or they don't feel the chemistry is working 100%. There are many other possibilities.

- Sort out what thoughts are realistic and those that are not. Facts are confirmed with evidence not guessing or fantasy. Maybe this or maybe that what ifs are all vague thoughts.

- Emotions. Teenage years can be full of confusion. Your bf could well not know what he really wants.

- Mental illness. Both me and my wife have depression and I also have bipolar 2. We are regularly reviewing our little disputes and I can say that most of them are due to moods or stress caused by our illnesses. We decided some time ago we have to accept this as it might never go away. It means we have to work harder than others to cope day to day.

- Google this thread- Topic: depression, are there any positives- beyondblue it isn't all negative, the lives of the mentally ill.

- Think positive. Once you have become a positive thinker you will never return to negative thoughts. It doesn't mean you'll conquer depression but you'll live much happier.

- plan happy times. A simple picnic in a park. Laughter will make him happier. We often get so tied up in our issues we transfer it to our loved ones. If you know you are having a bad day then declare it. Own your own illness. Give him the choice of staying or leaving to spend his day doing other stuff.

I hope I've helped a little. And well done coming here and discussing these issues. Good luck

Tony WK

[Panda01]

Thanks for your advice Tony,

I think I'm just confused really. Lately I have been crying a lot. Sometimes not even for a particular reason but knowing my boyfriend is facing something similar isn't the best feeling. I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to draw attention away from his problems and make them seem petty by telling him about my issues. I've been through regular periods of depression and anxiety for about 18 months now and have learnt how to tackle them, generally just waiting for them to pass. Because he knows I get over them eventually I think he thinks that I'm okay and that my problems aren't that significant but it's really just that I've learnt to deal with it.

Although, this is good in a way as he doesn't have to worry about me, maybe making it a little easier on him, it's making me feel worse as I don't feel like I can rely on him anymore to be my shoulder to cry on.

I am well aware that we're likely to break up soon as a result of all of this and I'm worried about him but when I try to be comforting I feel am not at all helping. To add to this I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to cope either.

If anyone has any suggestions, I would be very grateful.

- panda01

[white knight]

Thanks for getting back to me Panda.

Tony WK

[Touille]

Hey Panda,

I'm sorry you are experiencing depression and maybe your BF, I think you both need to see a good counsellor and GP, life can be hard growing up, at your age, hormone imbalance can cause depression in teens.

Being in love can be a wonderful feeling I know, I'm 35 and split up with my GF a year ago and still find it hard to cope at times. I find socialising with good friends, mature ones, family and getting outside and enjoying the sunshine and some exercise helps.

Maybe you could still be friends with your BF. You are a caring girl, it's nice you try and comfort him. Is anything at school caused you to feel stressed,like grades, which has continued?

Can you talk to your parents? You really need to talk to a counsellor, they can really help. It's important to talk about how you feel, it really helps.

I hope this helps.

Hugs,

Touille.

[Panda01]

Thanks Touille

Yeah I definitely stress a lot over grades. That is probably the main factor of my anxiety. I always achieve good grades. I think this just puts more pressure on myself to maintain them.

Talking does help. Other than my bf I have a couple friends which I trust but I don't really think I would feel comfortable talking to my parents or a anyone else in person. I've learnt to cope with most of it so it's not so bad. I suppose I'm just curious and anxious as to what's going to happen within the next few years. I am a very ambitious person and have high expectations of myself which has both positive and negative sides to it.

I would like to remain friends with my boyfriend. This could prove easier said than done but I'd like to give it a shot.

I think the worst part at the moment is not knowing where my relationship is going. If we're going to break up I'd prefer it to just happen so I can deal with it. This anticipation and being oblivious to it all is a lot worse I think.

Thankyou for reading

Panda