need your advice/ opinion

[connorrrr]

Ive been battling minor depression,anxiety and paranoia for about a year now iv been in to see doctors and psychs and they put me on medication for about 3-4 months but i dont feel any better at all if anything things have gotten worse i feel as though i cant walk through town without being with someone or its late at night ehen theres no one there i cant go into shopping centers at all i just cant do it it makes me so edgey and i get the shakes an my skin goes all red i really dont know what to do i need serious help ive tried reaching out so many times but i just can never explain how i feel and i get to emotional when i talk about my problems. I feel like iv got no one to talk to at all like iv mived away from my family because we fight to much and living out of home when your 17 isant easy an that just ads to my liw mood ive litterally lost so much in my life all because of thoughts in my head like i had an amazing girlfriend who held me up for months prettty much shes the reason im still alive but i lost her and my apprenticeship my family and now i live pay check to pay check i really dont see how my life can get better thankyou for reading i hope you understand what i mean an sorry about all the spelling mistakes if anyone has ANY advicce or information on how i can help myself or what is wrong with me id really appreciate it ❤

[StressedReader]

Your life may seem like it's the lowest it has ever been but it will get better. I know it's hard sometimes but it's good to have someone close to you that you can talk to or just check in with. Being able to talk about how you're feeling and getting help is a great start. When you feel comfortable with it, maybe connect with your family. That could be calling them up and saying hi or sending them a letter or email just to catch up. It may not seem like it but there is always someone out there who cares about you and is willing to help.

[Croix]

Dear Connorrr~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. Your post says you are having a pretty tough life at the moment and you sound pretty discouraged -not surprising

First thing to say is this - life does get better -lots better. You might not see it at the moment, but things can unfold one after the other. That's what happened to me.

Because your symptoms are up and you can't do things or talk properly I guess the first thing to do is straighten your medical help out. At the moment your treatment is not really working and your doctor and psych need to understand that.

You said talking is not on, well I've had a similar problem in the past and got round it by writing everything down first, well before going to see them. Put down how you feel, what happens when you go out, difficulty talking to people, everything including the current treatment is not working and things are getting worse.

Book a long appointment and let the paper do your talking for you. Spelling does not count -just so it's understandable. Print your post out if you get stuck

Can you say what happened about your girlfriend, did you have an argument? She sounded pretty good.

Having a problem with your family at 17 makes it tough, not only because you have to get somewhere to live but also because you need to talk to someone who will be on your side and they are not there.

Do you think there is anyone at all in your family you can talk to, or if there is a chance you might get back together with your girlfriend?

There's only one more thing for me to say. When I've had bouts of depression plus anxiety everything seems as bad as it can get, which is not always the case. Depression does do some of your thinking for you and always paints things black.

Well to Connorrrr I've said a couple of things and asked a couple of questions. I'd be pleased if you came back and said what you thought

Croix

[connorrrr]

Hey criox thankyou for the reply i really appreciate it a little goes a long why in my eyes iv organized an appointment to see the dictor and my caseworker from mental health about my medication and they're going to review it and see what els can help my ex and i will never be back to gether again unfortunately but its for the best i only think my memtal health will get worse if we got back together and its a long story to explain and id rather not go into it in detail once again thankyou for the reply 😊😊😊

[Croix]

Dear Connorrr~

I'm very pleased you came back and told me you were getting your meds reviewed, that's great news. Also about seeing what else would help, I found just meds did not do it, I had to have therapy as well.

With your ex, I can understand. Some relationships were just not meant to be, and end up bad for both people.

You take care, and I'd still be very interested if you came back later and said how you were getting on

Croix

[connorrrr]

Hi Croix not sure if you recall this thread? I just want to say thanks for reaching out to me back then re reading your comment now brought a tear to my eyes literally. iv been theough a hell of a time since then Iv been battling ever since with more or less the same problems. Lately (last 6 months) iv felt myself falling deeper into the hole I can’t get out of I havnt seen my doc or phsyc in a over 12 months and can’t bring myself to do it iv been telling my dad somewhat how I feel and how I don’t really feel I can make a impact or go anywhere in life but he dosent seem to care iv had serious conversations with him crying telling him I feel like the only way I can get better is if I’m not alive or I’m far away from everyone. at the moment no one seems to want to help and I’m scared to go back to mental health because last time I left them I got my script for a certain medication that they already knew I had dependence and overusing/abusing problems with and made me promise I wouldn’t abuse them and I did and never returned there calls. Iv been self medicating since I havnt had a day without some sort of sedative in months I can’t keep living like this it’s costing me every cent I earn but if I didn’t take anything I wouldn’t be able to go and earn any money in the first place.I can’t talk to strangers or even people I know I find it hard wich is affecting me in every way imaginable like I havnt been shopping in weeks iv been living off takeaway because I feel to anxious to go to woolies or anywhere with a lot of people Or risk running into my ex. It’s been almost 4 years since we have broken up and I’d like to say Iv gotten over her but deep down I havnt ,still when I see her I get extreamly anxious and can’t help but re live what I went through and can feel the abandonment like it was yesterday. I feel like she was one of 2 people who actually cared for and about me . My mom was the other person who I felt cared for me but when I got into high school and started hanging with the “wrong people “smoking, going out the party’s that sort of shit you do when your young my mum just completely disowned me pretty much taking her new partners side saying I was “lost hope” wich really hit hard for me and set in stone some abandonment and trust issues, so when me and my ex and I went through what we did and she cut me off so quickly it was extremely hard knowing That the only other person I’d felt close to had left me feeling the same way

[Croix]

Dear Connorrrr~

Sure I remember our conversation which had ended on a note of hope. I'm very sad it did not continue.

Still I'm glad to hear from you and can see what a terrible time you have had. With you dad not taking it seriously and your mum, her partner and your ex all moving away from you it does seem at times there is not much left.

It's easy to take all the load on yourself, to say if I had been a better person, or a stronger person, or a nicer person then things would be different, maybe even good. I think that is a bit of a mistake. You have an illness and like anyone else, when you are ill normal standards do not apply. I fell into that trap and it is a hard one to climb out of.

I know just talking logic does not cut the mustard, it's all very well for me to say illness makes a huge difference, but saying that will not -by itself - make you feel better. It takes more. You are in a sort of loop, as I have been, and it does take people on the outside to give you a helping hand, to start you on a road to better things.

So who is there? Well for me looking in from the outside it's pretty obvious, you need to get back together with your medical team. I know you feel terrible for breaking your promise and also becuse you do not have the confidence in yourself you would not break it again.

Competent doctors and psychs are very used to this, often even expect it and can deal with it. It is not a case of thinking badly of you, but of how to help.

I mentioned before to write things down, if you just gave them a copy of this latest post of yours that would do the trick. Meds can be dispensed in small quantities at little or no extra cost by a pharmacist on doctor's orders, so the temptation to overuse is taken away. I know you would have only limited access to a psych, but a bulk-billing doctor can be seen as often as you need, so if the wheels start to fall of you go see them and talk it over.

I gave up, and it was only circumstances made me genuinely ask for help, in time it has worked, I'm good.

Do you think you could do the same? Life has to be better than now.

Croix