It's just too much

[Hazel97]

The last 2 years have been a lot, you know when you feel it snowballing and you just can't get out. I've always struggled with it but life seems to be getting bigger and worse. At 21 years old my mum has just moved back overseas, which has left me feeling alone. I had to let her go so she could get better for herself, so she could get through her depression after a sexual assault. But it's pushed me into my own depression now, which I can't tell her about or she'll want to come home. I haven't spoken to my dad in years, since she's left i've been revisiting the idea of opening communication back up, but he's hurt me too much, they say forgive and forget but that must run out at some point right? I just feel like an orphan. I'm in a loving relationship which I am so grateful for. He is my rock, the love of my life, but he doesn't always understand which isn't his fault. I've lost my dog this year and have been made redundant from a job I love. I'm unemployed and just left with my thoughts all day long, there's only so much netflix a girl can watch. Lots of good things have also happened the last couple of years too, but there not pushing me through like they usually would.

To add onto it all, a couple weeks ago I found out I had an early miscarriage which I didn't think upset me at the time. But since then a close friend has lost her brother, and her loss is making me think of my own. I'm not quiet sure if it's the miscarriage or the idea of losing something that could've potentially made me happy, or just having something else in my life be taken from me.

I thought I had been through enough during my childhood, and thought the universe would be kind to me later on, it's now later on and my luck won't change. But I know we make our own luck in this world, I'm hoping each heart break makes me stronger, each tear makes me happier and each loss makes love harder.

I hope anyone reading this can understand i'm in a bad place right now, i'm needing to vent, and just wanting someone to listen.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Hazel97,

Welcome to the forum. Its is great to see you reaching out and getting some support for what sounds like a difficult few years. It is great that you have supports such as your partner and your mum (even through she is away). I wonder if you have ever touched base with a counsellor before? With so many stressors such as the loss of a pet, becoming unemployed and having a miscarriage as well as having your mum overseas - its no wonder you're feeling the snowball effect.

Sometimes when things like this occur and one stressor happens right after another, it can become really heavy. Besides reaching out here on the forum, there are a few other free support options you can access from home which I will list.

There is eheadspace which is free and for people under 25. It has an online counselling service as well as there may be a centre in your area. You can visit the site by going here. https://headspace.org.au/eheadspace/

There is a free program called Mindspot that helps people over 18 with a combination of phone and online counselling for people with low mood and worry. You can review the treatment courses available by clicking here https://mindspot.org.au

There is a free coaching program that is Developed by Beyond Blue called NewAccess but is only available in some parts of Australia. You can see if it is available in your area and find out more about it by going to this site https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/newaccess

These are just a few of the many support options available. As you have been feeling progressively worse for some time, I would recommend a visit to you GP and talk to them about what you're going through. They may be able to offer you a referral to a mental health professional and you can start your healing journey. Having a regular person to talk with can really help relieve some of the symptoms you are experiencing. You are not alone and we are listening.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[Alana_H]

Hi Hazel97,

Man! You have had a rough time lately, I think you definitely have a right to have a rant!

What you said about your miscarriage definitely captured where a lot of the grief comes from I think, it's not the loss of life people miss but the loss of the potential future and I'm really sorry that you had to go through that. It must be really hard to feel like things just keep adding up against you, it sounds like a particularly hard time right now.

The resources that Nurse Jenn gave you look great, I suppose I'll just add one more to the mix which is Grief line - 1300 845 745. Griefline isn't just for what people see as "traditional" grief but it can also be for the grief of a miscarriage, or the loss of a job, or the loss of a pet (all things that you've had to deal with lately). Sometimes when we've experienced so much loss we kind of shut down to defend ourselves, and we might need help (like counselling) to open back up again.

Also, I definitely know what you mean about there only being so much Netflix a person can watch, when you start getting down to the B grade/C grade shows you know you've been watching waaaay too much;)

Feel free to come back to rant some more.

Alana_H