Is this an ego problem??

[ThousandMiles]

Hello,

Firstly, sorry I haven't been on here in ages ahh 😕 I hope everybody is doing well and staying strong!

Secondly. I have heard people say "the world doesn't revolve around you" and "it's not always about you" quite a few times in recent years (when my anxiety and depression really came forward and were diagnosed and stuff). This is because I constantly worry that people are annoyed with me, or dislike me, or are judging me, or will be/are disappointed in me. There isn't really any rational reason for worrying about this, it just happens a lot. But especially if a friend/family member is tired, or grumpy, or whatever, for some reason. It just sets me off worrying. 

And part of that worry is that I don't like seeing people upset because I want everything to be nice and cute and happy, and I'm downright scared of anger (or anything that leads up to it). But "are you annoyed with me?" is becoming a bit of a thing that I just say a lot when I'm feeling really anxious. I don't know why, it's really hard to stop. 

But because of this, people get the impression that I have a big ego or something... and from what I can tell, I don't think I do? Like, I'm pretty shy, I love to talk but I also love to listen, I pretty much always put others before myself, I don't like myself much, I'm open-minded and try to be diplomatic... I'm sensitive, but I don't get angry at criticism. Just upset because I already feel like I'm not good enough... but suffering from anxiety and depression, as I'm sure you all know, makes you more self-conscious, self-aware and even self-absorbed at times. I'm just wondering whether this makes me a narcissist or someone with a big ego?

Thanks for taking the time to read this xx

[white knight]

Hi TM, welcome back

I would have thought you lacked ego if you are concerned with others feeling about you?

I share many of the symptoms you raised - sensitivity and always putting others before myself. I dont know why we do that? Is it fear? Is it due to a hard disciplinarian parent that you always tried to satisfy but never did fully? Would that also cause you to be fearful of anger?

You mentioned "are you annoyed with me" in terms of you asking all the time. This seems to be a need of yours to maintain approval for that cute and rosy relationship you yearn for. You might fear rejection instead of being like most and take rejection mildly and move on. For us sensitive types it isnt that easy. Rejection can trigger ill feelings and confusion. And being worriers that rejection festers in our minds a long time, sometimes lifelong. This leads to the knowledge that there is something amiss. I've raised this on this forum and one clever poster mentioned "mindfullness" as an answer. But at 58yo I'm no longer keen to begin new programs of learning like I did with cognitive therapy years ago.

You mentioned you "dont like myself very much"  Are you always trying to be like the others? Are you afraid of being "different" to the point of not being liked? I've heard all the comments for others- "just be yourself" what is "yourself"???  Someone that isnt accepted? Or "just be easy going"....how do you be that?

I have a good mate with depression. He is introverted. You wont hear him speak at a group gathering uless asked to. He is talked about in terms of "top bloke". He is never controversal as you can guess.  Yet, I'm louder, controversial because my thoughts are not mainstream and dont fit in. So I'm discarded eventually.

Make sense?  I dont think you have an ego issue at all but thats my view.

Tony  WK

Is the compulsion of trying to satisfy others seen by others as a weakness? Creating a persona that "he'll always be there, no risk of losing him, he wont be a threat, an easy pick, a soft touch"???  This can create a feeling of guilt for us because others we seem to honour or even beg to, themselves feel "royal".  I hope you are following because it isnt easy to describe.

I've always been a worrrier and nicknamed "the worrier" at school at 13yo such was its obvious signs. And I've noticed on these forums the component of worry is very common so is it associated with depression and anxiety?

[White_Rose]

Hello Tony and Thousand Miles

Interesting comment Tony, about worry and depression.  I feel they are inextricably entwined and react to each other. Am I good enough leads to self-examination leads to worry, more self-examination, believing the worst of ourselves and thence to depression. Not always in that order but I hope you get my drift (there's my worry).

Fear is a hue motivator of worry and lack of confidence and self-esteem. I am afraid of the opinions of others, I need approval from others etc. etc. etc. And so it goes on. Depression has a lot to answer for.

I have also been told that the world does not revolve round me and various other unhelpful comments. Partly this is part of the lack of understanding about depression and, I believe, a lack of care about others. I think if I had a loved one who was seriously ill I would be researching that condition to find out everything I could. But of course I have answered my own point. People do not believe depression is a serious illness despite the number of people who take their own lives every year. Usually they are considered selfish.

No wonder we are anxious and worried about the opinions of others. Anyway I have very definite views on the lack of compassion of others towards those with any mental illness but I think I should not voice them here. There's that fear again.

I suspect I have not been much help to you Thousand Miles but you have my complete support. I am struggling with the same problem and have not found a solution but may be it helps to know you are not alone.

Mary