First thread for an Infamous_Moustache

[Infamous_Moustache]

Hi there. Its my first time here so I think its appropriate to introduce myself a little

Online I'm known as Infamous usually. In my real life, I go to an intensive selective high school and compete in many competitive sports. For quieter activities, I usually put all my stress into drawings and art. I like to eat a lot of foods as well because that always make me happy. Seems like a good life hey?

My main reason on coming here is to understand a bit more about myself and hopefully getting some advice and support. Growing up in a competitive environment has understandably created a want to be the best as a moral for my mentality but I also don't understand why my stress is really obvious compared to all my friends around me. I have visited my school counsellor a bit ago this year but I believe that it has gotten worse over the months of 2020.

I have a few theories why I may be feeling this way. Perhaps it is with all the changes my family has gone through suddenly. We got someone else under our roof and a whole new bunch of responsibilities to juggle. Perhaps it is my failing performance in studies and disappointing myself. It could perhaps be because I am being threatened of getting stripped of all of my extra activities of which I hold lots of value to. Being honest I don't really know for sure. I also suspect that it may be multiple things, but I haven't really searched that far enough.

I am too scared to reach out to my family or my friends because they're all really busy all the time. Some days, I feel like everything is an effort and that I should have no reason to feel this way. Some days I don't want to interact with anyone. I don't look after myself well, often finding it difficult to get myself to eat or drink anything for a day or two. I don't feel comfortable talking a teacher or a counsellor about it for whatever reason I don't know of.

Usually my stress would be managed through drawing or simply sketching (buildings are my favourite), but ever since getting restricted heavily on all my mediums, I'm finding it difficult to keep it under-control. I lash out more often and there is a rise of arguments between mum and I (usually in the mornings). My greatest fear is loosing control in front of people because I don't want them to think I am too weak to deal with emotions. I mean, shouldn't we always show our good side to people and keep negative emotions to ourselves?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I tend to understand. I think the first thing that shouts out to me reading your post is that your life is full. Where is the mentioning of relaxation? Yes, art and drawing and the like is great but it's still an activity. As a machine we cannot expect ourselves to continue hour after hour day after day and not rest. Sleep is not relaxation.

Relaxation in my world is to select some good Youtube videos and use muscle tensioning exercises. Try to shut out everything else in your mind and just take 20 minutes a day to do this.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/meditation---words-of-wisdom---...

Another thing is your mother arguing most mornings. To take that next step to adulthood (sorry I dont know your age) is to listen to what she is saying, her side of the argument, and think whether she has solid grounds for her claims. If so then alter your routine/life to accommodate them. Apologise and move on. If she is wrong then stand your ground and provide evidence for your claims. Be fair not just defiant. With a full sporting and educational schedule I could safely believe your input towards the house chores would be minimal. Doing so many sports, hobbies, education is all well and good, great in fact, however running a household is not easy work and everyone needs to pitch in. Eg do you vacuum, sweep, clean windows, grocery shop etc? If so good but if not then someone has to do those activities and its usually left to the parents. All they see is their childhaving fun with the doing the chores that are everyones responsibility in the household.

If that is the case I would help even a little- grab the vacuum and do the house, it takes 10 minutes. They will be grateful. Their attitude will change.

I hope I've helped.

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Emmen]

Hello Infamous_Moustache,

Welcome to the forums. Like you, I grew up in a competitive environment. Also like you, I do art for relaxation. I want to address both these points and I hope it gives you something to think about.

Firstly, a competitive environment will come with its stresses. Adding to that, you're also dealing with changes to your family life and the feeling that everyone around you is too busy to give you any time (a sense of isolation). That's a lot to deal with, and you're perfectly justified in feeling the way you do. It's not a sign of weakness.

Because you've been brought up in a competitive environment, you tend to compare yourself with the people around you. That's why you ask questions like "why is my stress more obvious than those around me". It may seem to you like you're struggling compared to others, but in reality, they may be keeping their emotions bottled up inside, which is far worse in the long run than letting it out. So don't compare yourself with others. Your responsibility is first and foremost to yourself, and if that means seeking treatment for the stresses, do it without regard for what other people will think. The school counsellor is a good start, and if you could bring yourself to speak to him or her about this, it would help because he/she would be familiar with what your school life entails. If speaking is hard, perhaps try writing a letter to the counsellor and handing it to him/her.

I'm happy you have drawing as a relaxing activity you can do with your time. But I wonder if you actually put too much thought into the activity such that it becomes, as TonyWK says, "an activity" (that is, an activity you actually put effort and through into rather than one that actually relaxes you). Art is relaxing when you don't put any pressure on yourself to produce, when you're willing to let your art fail and still don't feel like you've messed up. For instance, doodling is relaxing because you don't really think about what you're drawing. From what you say, it sounds like you're actually feeling the pressure from being restricted, and that means that drawing itself is adding to your stresses. Alternatively, I wonder if you'd be interested in exploring zentangles or mandalas - they're often seen as meditative drawing techniques. I've tried them both and find that drawing repetitive patterns does feel more relaxing than regular drawing.

Kindly,
M