Feeling like a drain on the health system

[Yak_Yak]

Hi there. I've had OCD for a long time, diagnosed about 2 years ago and with a little bit of progress made since then. I've been going through a symptom flare-up lately and today I hit a huge trigger and the ol' anxiety and depression have been off the charts since. It's at the point where I'm thinking I need to go back on meds and maybe do a psychiatric review, but I hate going in to see my GP because I feel like I'm wasting his time and taxpayer money. I understand this is profoundly ridiculous but I just hate being a drain on yet more people. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to just skip away into the bush and live a hermitic lifestyle until I die of cholera aged 22.

Anyway, I guess I'm wondering if anyone else feels like they aren't worth the investment of the healthcare system, and if so, how do you deal with it?

[BballJ]

Hi Yak Yak,

Welcome to the forums.

I think everyone is entitled to what our great health system entitles us too... it's the ones who take it for a ride and abuse it for no reason. Mental health however requires a lot of attention and one the health system does a good job at supporting, so yes you are worth the investment because you know what you are dealing with isn't right and you want to fix it. Your GP definteley wouldn't feel as if you are a drain of his/her time, he is there to help you and they want you feel better. I would be going back and getting the review you speak of, just to try and get back on the road to recovery as you seem to of been there and just had a little bump, along the way, we all do. Just remember to remain positive and find the strength you initially had to start your recovery journey.

My best for you.

Jay

[Guest_322]

Hi Yak Yak,

Things do seem very rough for you at the moment. I think that sometimes feelings of guilt can stem from depression and anxiety. Like there's our voice and then there's the mental illness voice, and sometimes the mental illness voice likes to pile on the guilt (even if it's completely unjustified). I personally often found that feelings of guilt (even if unjustified) and rough patches went hand in hand for me.

I don't think you would be wasting your GP's time or draining taxpayers' money. I think the bottom line is yhat you're struggling very much and the health/mental health professional's job is to assist. It's a bit like, say, you were having heart problems, you might need to see a GP and cardiologist (for example). So mental health is no different in the sense that doctors and psychiatrists are there to help us. I mean, it's their job.

Yak Yak, you deserve help. Just as I deserved help. Just as anyone who was/is struggling deserves help. Maybe try to view it from the perspective that any sort of health condition warrants treatment; physical health condition and you need the appropriate health specialist. Mental health condition and...you guessed it...appropriate health/mental health professionals.

Remember, you deserve help.

Dottie x

[White_Rose]

Dear Yak Yak

Hello and welcome. You have received two replies telling you how worthwhile you are. I am going to say the same. Dottie has related mental health to physical illness. She is quite right , especially in her example.

I'm not an OCD expert but I have experienced depression in a big way. Having OCD can make you depressed as you have said. The black dog is a bit of a mongrel. Mt guess is that your OCD will get better when you have spoken sharp words to the dog and taught it some manners. It needs to walk to heel and not bark, drowning out your thoughts. Remember, when you get self doubt and consider the world too hard to live in, it is the dog barking.

I know it's hard to remember when you were feeling well because it seems like a dream at times. In fact depression is the dream and real life is waiting for your return. Please go and talk to your GP. I have often thought I am wasting the time of health professionals because my self esteem is very low. So look at it this way, you may need to make many more GP visits if you do not attend to your health now. To be unbelievably trite, a stitch in time saves nine. Sorry, my keyboard did that all on it's own. 😊

Keep writing in. It helps to write about anxiety and depression, and in fact any other topic related to mental health. Here you are in a safe place. Revel in it and let us help and support you.

Mary

[Yak_Yak]

Thanks a lot everyone for the responses. Maybe I just needed a bit of a push to get me through the door. The funniest thing about this feeling is that I have some understanding of what it's like to be a health professional, and I know that if I had a patient in my position, I'd want them to come in and see me. The whole rural "she'll be right" attitude of leaving it way too long to seek medical help is deeply ingrained in my psyche, it seems!

As Mary suggested, it's pretty much a matter of incredibly low self-esteem caused by depression and OCD ganging up on me (though tbh I've never meant someone with OCD who wouldn't also fulfill the criteria for MDD). Sometimes (like this very moment) the nature of my obsessions/intrusive thoughts causes me to think that I'm such an irreparably terrible person that I don't deserve help and that if people could see "the real me," they'd want me dead anyway. I'm not really in the business of comparing the severity of various flavours of OCD, but the particular stuff that I'm experiencing is a particularly severe manifestation of what is commonly considered the least pleasant obsession.

Anyway, thanks for your compassion. I really appreciate it, and it's heartwarming knowing that there's other people out there who just try to take a caring approach to these sorts of issues. It's a nice break from the constant self-prosecution 🙂

[White_Rose]

Hello Yak Yak

If you could only see inside the brains of others. Not sure about OCD but I never met anyone with depression who does not have a low opinion of themselves. It is of course the nature of the beast. This is where you can say you are getting well again, when you suddenly realise you do not hate yourself or believe you rank below a snake's belly. And it is a wonderful day when you can say I am as worthwhile as anyone else.

Am I to take it you went to see your GP or psych? That is fantastic. How did it go? I hope you feel a more reassured about yourself.

I suddenly started to yawn which means I will be falling asleep at the computer. Better quit while I am ahead.

Mary