constant overthinking thoughts are taking over my life

[LostInMyThoughts]

Hello, this is my very first post to this page.

 I don't really know where my anxiety came from, I just noticed myself become a more insecure, shy, unconfident individual who always self doubts herself. I have so many conflicting thoughts and no matter what I do throughout my day I'm always overthinking everything, my head just controls me, it controls my thoughts. I want to have friends but i don't want to be the one to make the first move or conversation because I don't want to be annoying or a clingy friend and I always find myself saying if a person wanted to talk to me they'd speak to me first. I want to go out with friends but when the day comes I find myself dreading it and not wanting to go because I want to stay at home, home equals safe. I'm so unproductive with uni I just don't want to go anymore I don't want to leave my house. I've become such an angry person, I bottle things up, i hold grudges even though I don't want to, I just can't let things go  no matter how hard I try to. I always feel as though that person doesn't desrve my forgiveness, even if it's something so petty, and I know it's petty I just won't let it go. I often tell myself the only person I can trust is myself because this world is filled with just horrible people who betray and hurt you. It gets worse late at night though when I am completely alone and have nothig to distract me, I feel worthless, unimportant, nonexistent, like nothing I do is good enough, I just don't think I belong in this world.     

I don't want to think or be like this I know it's unhealthy, I know it's not good but it controls the way I think, the way I feel. I feel so trapped I feel so alone sometimes. I can't reach out for help because how do you explain something like this to someone without them thinking your nuts.   I've done counselling in the past and I didn't find it effective, I've tried writing in a journal and I used to find that helpful when I was younger but not so much now. I'm hoping talking to others will help  

My anxiety controls who I am and I want it to stop. It's ruining my life. I'll take any advice I can get. I need help please. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

[joeljoel]

Hey LostInMyThoughts, 

I have experienced/am experiencing the same things at the moment. I completely understand the fear of being clingy or not texting enough. I used to think that if I didn't remind everyone I knew of my existence and bombard them with texts all the time I would be forgotten and alone. I have also experienced my worst anxiety moments at night and I feared loneliness. Have you ever opened up to any of your friends about your anxiety before? 

In some cases the best way to overcome this is too socialise and get out of the house. I know the house is safety and you fear losing control but that those fears need to be overcome. 

Feelings of worthless and unimportance can be crippling and they are very destructive, until recently I felt completely lost in the world, unimportant and like no one cared about me. But I opened up to some of my friends and discussed these feelings that I had and they told me how they perceived which was in a very positive way. This boosted my confidence greatly. 

Anxiety, like you said can make you incredibly unproductive, I hated uni at first. I hated the work and couldn't be bothered to do anything and to some extent I still am. The only thing that actually motivates me about going to uni is honestly meeting new people and hanging out with the people I am friends. The fact that I am excited to meet new people proves how far I have come because I am a very pessimistic and critical person.  

So in essence the only way I began to feel better about myself was through leaving the house, socialising with people I could trust and opening up to my friends about what I was feeling. But there are other options like therapy, perhaps that might be helpful to talk to a professional.  

Hope that helps, even a little. But it is good that you are on these forums and taking steps to feeling better. 

Joel. 

[geoff]

dear LostInMyThoughts, I do know that we feel embarrassed talking to other people about what our concerns are about, because they can give you the look that we know that they aren't at all interested, which only makes us crawl into our own little cave.

I'm not saying that you do have this particular illness, it's just a suggestion you can look into, and this illness is called OCD, which controls our thinking in regards to many problems that we have.

I hope that our manager Chris can provide you with links which would give you some clues.

Please let us know how you go. Geoff.

[ronO]

I understand the racing thoughts perfectly. 

My strategy , for what it is worth , is to just say to myself , "all is well and I will think about that thing later".

Then,  I just do something , make a cup of coffee, have a cigarette, go to the letterbox.

I found that youtube is a great way of dispelling racing thoughts.   I usually type in things like , "Graham Norton Red Chair "  or funny cats,   funny people laughing . etc .  It does alleviate the racing thoughts when watching something on youtube.

I hope this helps

Kind regards

Ron