Unsure of how to begin

[Eternal_Return]

Hi all.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I'm not sure what I want to get out of sharing and posting on this forum, but I was having a low moment and felt the need to talk (but not bad enough to need lifeline or something similar).

Anyway, thanks for reading.

[BballJ]

Hi Eternal_Return,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. That is exactly what they are here for. Just to talk.

Is there anything in specific you want to share about your experience with depression and anxiety?

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Eternal_Return]

Hi Jay,

Thanks for the reply. There are many facets to my struggles. Perhaps the most salient one right now is the torpor I experience after working myself up to function 'normally' for a period of time. I have spent the last few days completely idle, watching netflix and laying around, lost in my depressive thoughts and doubts. And this is because the week prior I was engaged with something that was no more taxing than a regular full time job. This is a problem because I need to be studying for exams (30 year old honours student, second time around).

I was on top of the anxious work up and depression crash cycle for a while, but I have slipped into bad habits again due to destabilising effects of the drawn out deterioration of my 8 year relationship with my partner, for which I am largely responsible. The associated feelings of guilt over that, and the complicated push-pull of a messy, incomplete break up, make for a pretty unstable situation, both within and without.

[geoff]

hi Eternal_Return, I'm sorry that it has come down to this, because any breakup which may have been caused by whatever you have done is certainly going to affect your concentration and ability to finish the exams, especially the second time around.
What are your chances of making up, if this is impossible then can you defer again, because what you need to do is get over this by contacting your doctor as your depression and anxiety have once again taken hold of you.
This needs to be done because it's such a big world out there and there will be many challenging situations in your life that will come by each day, they will have their own degree of concern, but each one is just as important as the next one.
Your mental health is something that needs to be looked after, it's your first priority.
Uni can always be taken up later on, and no it's a failure, you can't compare MH to uni, there's distinction and there will never be, your health always comes first. Geoff.

[Eternal_Return]

Thanks Geoff. I'll be able to refocus on getting better post exams: it's all done with by the 6th. It's too late to make a change now, but I should be able to muddle through. Cheers

[Mathy]

Hi Eternal_Return and welcome 🙂

I like that you know yourself well enough to feel comfortable enough to “muddle through” your exams. What are you studying, if I might ask? I also admire the fact that you’re having a second crack at your Honours, that takes a lot of persistence, ‘grats.

I completed my second degree in my 40s and commenced an Honours year. During that year, I was researching and writing my thesis, plus doing some subjects and completing a major renovation on my house. The following summer, I inexplicably crashed with anxiety and panic attacks. I say inexplicably because to me, what I was doing was “normal” for me, but the Psychologist I went to see, almost had a panic attack of her own - at my description of “normal” lol.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to attempt Honours, whilst already dealing with a MI, so a huge well done to you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, I’m sure that you will get there, the finishing line is not far away, all the very best to you, cheers M 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Eternal_Return,

Going through the motions is exactly what mental health is, it is so hard. We get caught up procrastinating a lot when we know we should be spending our time better but that is mental health. I know you said you are waiting until the 6th to focus on getting better but each day is a chance to get better. Exams are important but so is your wellbeing.

Keep talking here if it helps, we are always happy to talk.

My best,

Jay