The highs and lows of being mentally interesting.

[Rizzo9]

Gosh, where to begin.  I grew up in the UK and moved to Australia aged 32 and have been here for 13 years.  My parents divorced when I was eleven and even though my Dad was still around, I was devastated.  My Mum re-married to a man who was agressive, domineering and violent - although he was never physical with me, he was utterly terrifying to live with.  I grew up with serious self worth issues and often felt like a fraud. I moved to Australia and very quickly fell pregnant to a man I barely knew (the fabulous thing is that we have been married for 12 years and have two wonderful children) and was first diagnosed with post-natal depression when my daughter was 12 months old.  Since then it has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, times of feeling very clear headed and focused and times of being in that deep, dark well of despair.  I have started numerous businesses, most of which I have closed due to depression and all of which have been unsuccessful because of it.  I was working as a Life Coach in 2010 and even won an award, but I thought that I had somehow tricked them into giving it to me and that one day they would find out that I wasn't even capable of helping myself, let alone anyone else.  So I've bumbled along for years, spend A LOT of money on "stuff" and businesses and it has caused many problems within my marriage.  A couple of months ago, I found myself back in that tunnel, lost in helplessness and darkness.  I went back to the doctor who doubled my medication and it was only when my husband mentioned to a therapist that I'm like an elevator (either at penthouse or basement), that it was suggested I might be Bipolar ii.  I am now about to begin a formal diagnosis for this and have my first psychiatrist appointment on Monday.  I vary hugely between barely being able to get out of bed, to feeling pretty good and knowing that my experiences of mental illness can help others.  I am a living story community presenter for the Black dog Institute and when I'm feeling good I am very open and honest about my mental health, because I know it helps others.  Of course, when I'm in the cloud, I don't want to speak to anyone at all, let alone admit to anyone that I'm struggling.  So, I'm so glad to be here and hope that I am able to offer valuable contributions as I continue on my journey.  It's nice to be among people who truly get it.  Thanks for reading.  🙂  

[white knight]

Hi Rizzo9 welcome here

I hope I can help.

I also have bipolar 2 but I also have depression, dysthymia and did had anxiety (I licked that one lol)

So these issues can cross over and somethings that occur I don't know where they come from this illness or that.

However, your elevation and dives are in line with mine and after many tries I finally found the answer in mood stabilisers. But that's me, might not suit you. As a parallel, my life has been littered with buying and selling cars (90 in all I think), leaving jobs without notice, financial irresponsibility and simply making irrational decisions.

This instability has made relationships difficult and "firey". The partners I've had (apart from my now wife of 4 years) were not the type that could tolerate my moods. My current wife also has depression so we help each other out and are tolerant.

I discovered my issues 12 years ago (am 59yo) and joined here on this forum 18 months ago. It has been grand. I don't need to respond if I don't wish to and I feel safe here. I'm among my own. I'm also a positive person that wont give in. But of course my bad days lead me to think otherwise for a short time.

My bad days however are now shorter, sometimes even a couple of hours rather than a couple of weeks. I now work out at the gym every second day and that has improved my outlook on life. Simple improvements like getting up from my couch without holding onto something is a big thing. Gardening without pain etc.

I hope you hang around.

Tony WK