The Eventful life of FatT

[FatT]

hi all,

I am 41 (almost 42) year old male who suffers from Depression and Anxiety.

I have a vision impairment. Legally blind in the right eye and not 100% in the left this has led to some confidence issues in some regards especilly in the area of having a career. After high School, I studied Accounting at Tafe and then continued to Study a Bachelor of Commerce majoring in accounting.

After finishing my degree I was unemployed for over a year which my depression was compounded by my Brother dying in a car accident. I remember I had the gamut of feelings at the time and one of the strongest feelings was "God had taken the wrong Brother.

Later that year I started seasonal work at a tax preparation business and I went on to get some sporadic work over the next couple of years. After another period of not getting work I decided to go back to uni and study a masters of Teaching and straight out of copleting this course I started a new accounting job. I was with this guy for 2 years. However working for this "Gentleman " was not good for my mental health. There were times where I was not paid to the extent that I would have been better off being on unemployment. And finally right on 2 years I had finally had enough. for the first time I quit a job. And I had lost all confidence in the possibility of dealing with children in the teaching profession.

Another period of Unemployment and I finally get a job with an employee who understood that i was vision impaired and could be a bit slow. I spend 4 years with this employer. But for the last few months working at this place I could feel the depression creeping back in.Then Covid happened and an error on my part led to the possibility that I was going to cost the Business a five or six digit sum in a potential lawsuit. I had a massive panic attack and after the panic attack I learnt that over the course of my life I had anxiety issues, So back to not working. At least they were kind enough to keep me on job keeper while that was around until september.

After deciding I want to do something I enjoy and do things that I am interested in I started a Youtube channel on my interest and in order to improve those videos I have started doing some courses at tafe.

However once again my mental health would take a turn for the worse after 3 members of my extended family diesand I am now back seeing a psychologist.

I am hoping that I can be inspired by this forum as well as inspire others.Digit count reached!

[Hanna3]

Hi FatT

I want to welcome you to the Beyond Blue forums! I hope you will find some help and support here.

I particularly noticed your post because I am losing sight in one eye and I understand completely how much a vision problem can affect your self confidence.

People don't understand how you can't see on one side of you, judge depth perception and bump into people! I'm lucky that at least I'm not working.

You sound like you've had some bad experiences with your workplaces and you've clearly been proactive in getting yourself trained in different ways. Good on you.

I just wanted to welcome you and hope that you will find some people with helpful advice and support. I hope you can navigate around and get to know people here.

It's great that you've shared your story here. Others will probably come by and you can also look around the site.

Best wishes!

[Scapegoated]

Hi,

You are a Very valuable person and God did nOT take the wrong brother. You are a compassionate and good person. The only problem I can see from which you suffer is unkindness towards yourself which you don't deserve. I think delving into childhood issues will be the key to finding out why things have happened the way they did in your professional life and you won't blame yourself so much. Self-compassion i s the most important quality. Your post reminded me of this movie i watched about a Narcissistic mother-my mother is a sociopathic narcissist. In the movie one son dies and the other Good son blames himself. The movie is called Ordinary People. The movie is very depressing until the end, however it has helped me a lot in identifying my mother's manipulative behavior in blaming her children for all her faults. I hope your psychologist helps you see core issues which may have led to your professional difficulties and that your burden is lessened. A compassionate hug to you. 🙂