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New to this. Im 39 and mum to a 7 year old son. Separated from my ex almost 12 months ago and had been doing ok, regularly seeing a mental health care professional. Just these last few days, I've been feeling very low. Trying to work out patenting agreements and property settlement and my ex is dragging things out and picking at small things. Work is too much at the moment as I deal with clients all day. Smiling and being polite is hard. I don't want to pretend anymore when all I want to do is sleep and be left alone. I know I'm in a slump but don't know how to get out of it. I dont feel like talking to anyone as such, even though I'm here. Maybe I just need to let this pass?
2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello SadieLou, and a warm welcome to the forums.

The old saying 'time heals all wounds' maybe true for other situations, but with mental illness is a difficult answer, for me, it's no.

Don't get me wrong because people do feel so much better and on top of the world, but a relapse is possible, however, those concerned could go through years feeling so good.

As you are going through a property settlement is it possible to have some time off work, I know that money is a concern, but do you have any sickies left or perhaps have a brother who can handle this for you.

I say this because how you react to your partner is not your fault, it's just that you aren't feeling well or think clearly.

I hope I haven't upset you because that was never my intention.

Best wishes.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear SadieLou

Hello and welcome to the forum. This is a good place to write/talk about those things that upset you.

After a major upheaval in your life such as separating from your husband, it's common to have the sort of reactions and feelings you are experiencing. It's a year after separation and it seems many people in your position manage the first year of separation when you are busy setting up your home as a separate person and coping with all the that this entails. I know it happened like this for me.

Having survived the first year the time comes when you start to grieve. You may believe your separation is a good thing but you have lived with your ex for many years and this sort of shared life is missed no matter how right you believe it is to go your separate ways. A year later seems to be the usual time to experience your loss. It does not mean you regret the change, but there is sadness for what has been. This may be contributing to your tired feelings. It has been an enormous change.

How are you going with your mental health (MH) professional? I Do you feel it's helping? I hope you are managing to talk to him/her about your feelings. Writing here is a good option because you can say as little or as much as you want. And of course you can talk to your MH professional. These are good support strategies which will move at your pace.

Have you seen your GP lately? Your GP may be able to help manage the tiredness and it's a useful option. Try to keep your physical health on track as this has a large bearing on your psychological health. Is it possible to take some sick leave? After my separation I became deeply depressed a year later. I went to a psychiatrist who wanted me to take sick leave. I had plenty but I could not bear the thought of being on my own 24/7. We compromised and I worked four hours a day after this was approved by my manager. It was incredibly helpful especially in relieving the exhaustion but still having contact with people. It is important to have this contact as we need the comfort of others even in the workplace. No need to have long conversations with your colleagues, just knowing someone is around is good.

Is it possible to have a change of duties for a while? Perhaps you can swop jobs with someone for a few months. Just a thought.