not sure what to say.....

[jcuzzyb]

Hi, im a 31 year old father of two beautiful children, im also married to a strong woman with the best marriage anyone could have, my problems stem from huge anxiety issues i have about meeting new people, my wife is born and bred in the city we live where as i am sort of new, i have massive self esteem issues and am battling alcohol aswell, i know what i need to do im just feeling very weak atm, cheers.

[Doolhof]

Hi Jcuzzyb,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue Community. If you were to go to the Anxiety section here , you would find a lot of posts similar to yours!

You wrote that you know what you need to do, but you are feeling very weak right now.

Can you write down the things that you think will be beneficial to you and then try to do those things one at a time. If you think you need to do everything at once, that can make you feel even more overwhelmed.

Is it possible for you to meet some of your wife's friends for example in a small gathering at home or at a restaurant? That way you might not feel so overwhelmed.

Have you managed to find like minded people with hobbies and interests the same as yours? Can you expand on the activities that you enjoy?

Can you try to reduce a little of the alcohol that you consume? I try to encourage my husband to have a glass of water now and then between drinks. It doesn't happen, but at least I try! Ha. Ha. Cutting back the amount you drink would be a good start.

I don't know if you drink every day, maybe you could select one day a week to be alcohol free.

This is a safe place to share how you are feeling as no one is judgemental. Hope you feel free to share more of your story.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[onward_and_upward_]

Hi Jcuzzyb, 

I can relate to your post very much. I also feel dependent on alcohol at the moment and I know I have to stop but just can't bare the feeling of not having it. I don't drink a huge amount but it is the first thing I need when I finish work each day. My mind is smart and realises it is the only way to regain happiness and open myself up to life but I feel a restlessness and intense agitation if I don't have a drink. Then I feel very weak when I do. I just wanted to share my support. I hope you find the strength. Take care.

[geoff]

dear Jcuzzyb, thanks for coming to this site, it's never easy to post your first comment, heart beating, sweating and a dry mouth, but now you have done it, so well done.

I feel for you and can certainly relate to what you are saying, as I always had to have a drink before I went out, that's what my depression and social anxiety caused me to do this, however no one is weak when they are suffering from any type of depression, it's easy to say to themselves that you feel weak, but again please never feel this way, and if anybody ever says that to you, never take it on board.

I would think that your wife would have many friends as she was brought up in the city and if so, this would make your situation feel very difficult.

What I would do is to stay close to my wife and/or my sons until someone I knew would come up and start talking to me.

I am now single and don't go to many functions, and in particular I hate walking through the door with the expectation of what or who is behind that door. Geoff.

[jcuzzyb]

Thankyou all for the warm replies, I managed to get alot of information on social phobia which was a massive wait off my chest! It basically sums up my past and present state. Ive decided to attempt social tennis in the next few months, im crapping myself but if you were in my shoes you would understand, lol.

[Doolhof]

Hi Jcuzzyb,

Social tennis sounds great, only problem for me would be that you have to play out in the sun! I am a great fan of winter and not summer.

Have you thought of a group that you might like to join? Maybe you could go there before hand and just check out the scene before joining. I always find that if I am familiar with a place then I feel a lot more comfortable when I actually have to or want to be there.

As an example I have recently started a TAFE course. I am needing to do a week of practical stuff at the TAFE so I asked one of the facilitators if she could show me around so I am familiar with everything before the practical happens next week.

Congratulations on getting out there and trying to do something to improve how you feel about life.

If you do start to get a little too anxious about stuff try some deep breathing and reassure yourself that everything will be okay. Easier said than done I know!

Sometimes we take one step forward and two steps back, but at least we are still moving!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools