New bean on the block

[Beaner78]

Hey guys, thought I would introduce myself and give some background as to why I joined this site!

I'm Canadian and in my late 30's, been living here in Oz for about 6 years. Couldn't deal with the endless grey skies of Canadian winters (which usually last half the year) !

I have suffered from anxiety since as long as I remember being alive. As a child, I knew what I was feeling but I unsure what to call it. I just knew I always felt on edge, scared, constant stomach aches, etc. As I became older, I begun to understand that I was experiencing anxiety...about everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!! I tended to be prone to melancholy for as long as I remember as well.

Fast forward to high school and a long-term controlling relationship AND that's when I finally snapped. Unable to attend school for a week and literally feeling like I was going crazy. My weight was down to roughly 42 kg...which made me quite the walking skeleton at 5'6 tall. I couldn't bring myself to eat much due to the chronic state of anxiety and feeling like I had a golfball in my throat that wouldn't disappear. At this point my parents took me to the Dr. and I was diagnosed with GAD. I was put on medication and another to take as needed.

Life changer...I became happy, confident and took control of my life. I finished high school and went to Uni, finishing in 2004 with a Nursing Degree. New relationship and career. 8 years later, my husband and I divorced... definitely for the best, still not painless.

I moved to a new city and started a new position...became independent once again. Life was good...I wanted an adventure, and moved to Oz!! Met an amazing guy who is now my husband. Continued to work as a nurse until this past year when I had to quit due to back problems (I crushed my lower back in a car accident in 2004 and the injury finally caught up to me). I have been unemployed for half the year, dealing with chronic pain and spent most my time in bed, waiting for surgery and becoming quite depressed. I'm now 7 weeks post-op, but am still feeling down. Anxiety has been reappearing, probably due to my boredom and overthinking. I'm left questioning what direction to go with my career now that bedside nursing is no longer an option. I kind of feel like I'm having an existential crisis at this point 😕

Running out of room, so this is who I am and where I am at (in a teeny nutshell) I welcome any comments, questions, sharing of stories, etc.

Thanks for reading 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Beaner78,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Wow what an eventful life you have live up to this point, I am sorry about some of the stuff you have had to deal with. Moving across to the other side of the world is an amazing thing to do so well done.

The positive news is that you have had the operation and seems like it was a success, I know that nursing is not longer an option to go back too but is there anything else you enjoy doing... more people need to do jobs they enjoy doing, I find if you enjoy your job, your mental state is a lot better as well.

Have you been back to see a GP simply about your mental health? Maybe speaking to a psychologist may be the way to go to try and work through everything you have been through?

These forums are full of people who suffer from a range of mental illnesses so a really supportive community, I myself suffer from anxiety so I can relate on that level and the overthinking as well. It really does drain you.

Please, feel free to post back as much as you like, always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Beaner78]

Hi Jay,

Thanks for responding 🙂

I haven't seen anyone yet to talk things over, probably cause I'm too anxious to...ironic, lol! It is something I really should push myself to do. I hate feeling as though life is passing me by as I spend most of my time feeling exhausted and struggling to get out of bed.

I think joining this site was a step in the right direction 🙂

Cheers,

Beaner78

[BballJ]

Hi Beaner78,

I know the exact feeling, I was very hesitant to speak to someone about my anxiety and actually didn't believe anything would help me regarding counselling but then I went and was hesitant to even talk on the first session, by the third session I was finding the hour long appointment wasn't enough as you just open up if you connect with them and it does help. Gently push yourself to do it if you can, you have everything to gain by seeking any help you can.

Always happy to talk, so feel free to post back as much as you want.

My best,

Jay

[TourmalineSpectacles]

Hello there Beaner78,

Welcome to forums!

I'm a little new here myself, and I can definitely say it has been a great choice to join. Already, I have found good advice and pleasant conversations.

Although I don't believe I have anxiety, I have got to agree that seeing some help will most likely do some good. Why not allow yourself to gain some sense of relief by sharing the burdens troubling you?

Have a good week,

Specs

[Just Sara]

Hey Beaner!

Lovely to see you here on BB telling your story. Canada! My sis and I were planning to go but her daughter's having a baby. One day...

Anyway, I digress. You've had an interesting life of up's and down's hun. Late 30's is a great time for a career change btw; how exciting! I did it at 37 and never looked back. I become IT savvy and went back to studying to compete in the job market. I did this in my down time from work when my son was little. (single mum) Qualifications never go astray.

You're 7 wks post op and I know from experience, slowing down from an active lifestyle hits the body (and mind) pretty hard; bio chemistry kicks in to respond; brain included. Learning to relax isn't easy when you're used to being busy. However, your back and body require R&R to recuperate.

You never know, time spent researching a new career pathway could be fun! For instance, the NDIS and NDIA have created a whole new field of expertise positions and business opportunities. Not sure what state you're in, NSW implemented the scheme a month ago.

I hope you're sleeping ok. This is a major source of mental exhaustion.

Sometimes the Universe gives us opportunities when we least expect them, even if they seem uncomfortable or unpleasant at the time.

I have great faith in you. 🙂

Stay on board and spend time with your laptop here on BB. A nice way to receive, give and be part of our community.

Miles of smiles;

Sara x

[geoff]

hello Beaner, welcome to the site and thanks for posting your comment.
I can join in how you feel after an operation and being 7 weeks post op makes your life restricted but I've been told and have actually done this before, and that's go swimming, all those muscles you haven't been able to use you can when you're weightless in the pool, that always feels good.
As a nurse what do you say to someone who is scared just before an operation, or someone who hates having injections, you try and calm them down, so the same applies to you booking an appointment to see a psychologist.
Whether your injury was caused at work then they should be paying for the visits. Geoff.