Morning, new here and i wish i knew what was wrong

[Generate1]

Hi all,

im Michael, 34, 2 kids, recently divorced with an amazing new partner but I don't understand why I can cry at the drop of a hat. Im not sure where to start but its affecting me and the rest of my world. The constant fear that im not doing things right is causing me to look for issues that aren't there which in turn creates issues. I find myself adding bits of irrelevant info into the story which I know sabotages myself.

I don't want to be this way and I need to talk with someone about what this is, it makes me want to stay away from everyone in my life and stop being the burden that they have to protect.

Help please

[white knight]

Hi Generate, welcome

So, you've been through a separation and have 2 children and now you have a relationship you seem very happy in, however you cry often and easily.

You said you feel you are not doing things "right". Can you elaborate on that? What specifically don't you feel you are doing it correctly?

Having a marriage split especially with children can be soul destroying for some years. Your children live now in what you didn't plan- a broken home. But they are resilient and adapt. Is this where you feel failure?

Friends and family sometimes aren't the ideal people to get support. Yes, they can feel you a burden. So we are here to listen and guide. Hopefully I can help you with that.

So please reply with specific areas you feel in error. Also please read the following using google or search. I'm not suggesting you have any illness - just highlighting possibilities of why you are crying a lot.

Beyondblue topic dysthymia

Beyondblue topic crying, let it all out

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

It's great that you feel free enough to get some help. Adding thoughts on top of thoughts might be an indication of some anxiety and a GP visit would be beneficial. We are here 24/7/365.

TonyWK

[Generate1]

Where do I start,

I fell in love early and with only one person, I thought this was everything I needed and I could take a few bullets and keep moving towards that one wife/house/kids/car scenario. I figured some collateral damage was inevitable and I could push it down and away. Im not completely innocent in destroying us but after 7 years married I found myself wanting to talk to someone else, I found her and wouldn't change how we met at all.

Running a second life didn't help, I became anxious over everything and jumped at shadows.

Eventually I had to make a decision and I pulled our little family apart, it was something we both needed to happen but everyday I feel guilty for breaking there hearts and changing there lives so I could be happy.

I struggle with being alone, I find myself creating scenarios in my head where nothing good happens. to the point were I purposely push my new partner away or give her reasons to go! I self sabotage us.

When im sad and tears happen I don't have a good reason why, then I start to judge myself for my partner and think how worthless and weak I am, shes better off without me, they all are. itd be easier for them to not be around this burden and I entertain the thoughts of going away.

Sometimes ive already created an answer In my head I want to hear, as simple as saying I love you when she leaves and not getting one back, when that doesn't happen I start to over think and create my own reasons why... and they are never positive ones.

i know my kids are strong, but i cant help but feel like ive broken them and my ex wife., and now me and her. i used to be confident, now i dont feel worthy of the love and support she gives me through this... and now its affecting us cause i hide from her like im ashamed.

Like i said, where do i start

[white knight]

Hi,

I have around 340 threads like the ones I've recommended so I've been looking through them seeking the ones that fit the best for your situation. As I said just read the first post of each.

So bearing in mind your last reply

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/guilt-the-tormentor-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/who-cries-over-spilt-milk-

The fact is, your children value you more than you value yourself. Also your mind activity mirrors mine when I've had anxiety, that is why I recommended the "anxiety, how I eliminated it" thread.

In 1987 following a workplace incident I attended a therapist. After a few visits he said "Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world" in response to trying to help so many people and being Mr Fix it. Then a few visits later he said "Tony, you have been a security guard, bylaws officer and PI...you are a black and white person living in a world of 9 billion grey people" That was in response to the flexibility of humans, such that I didn't have. I didn't allow for other people to have grey areas which is natural.

Re: "Sometimes I've already created an answer In my head I want to hear, as simple as saying I love you when she leaves and not getting one back, when that doesn't happen I start to over think and create my own reasons why... and they are never positive ones."

So, that is simply two examples that I still recall 32 years later that have helped me understand my misgivings and hurdles I find hard to jump. In your case Generate, you look into things too much and have a racing mind that needs slowing down, guilt that needs addressing and low self esteem that could do with some encouragement.

This forum and champions like myself can offer you threads to read that are beneficial and being available 24/7/365 is a great asset to have. One has to seek direct one on one counseling to get the mental health care you need.

I'll tell you of an incident- About 8 weeks after splitting with my little family (1996) I rang the principle of my kids school and burst into tears. She asked what the problem was. I told her that I was a/ worried about my kids grieving for me and b/ that my very lazy estranged wife wouldn't get the kids to school on time. She put me at ease as she explained that children are resilient and that they had arrived on time every day.

So our minds can play tricks on us. Clarifying is good.

Am I making any sense?

TonyWK