Miss Lonely

[Raggity]

Hi everyone, I've just joined this site, cos I'm really struggling with loneliness right now.

I haven't really had any friends for a long time now, sometimes I catch up with my mum which helps but at the end of the day, not meaning any offense to her, but shes still my mum and not a similar age friend if you know what i mean.

I also have a boyfriend but he lives overseas, and so I am always missing him and as of the current changes to the world, I have no idea when I can see him again. We talk at times but he does have to work, as do I and also the connection is often bad when making calls. Also I cant be constantly messaging him all day long but I feel i have no one else to talk to at all.

Its a bad time to be lonely in this world, I thought about joining some meetups near me but every one i looked at was cancelled. My gym is also a ghost town now days, and the shops make me stress like crazy.

Anyway I feel like my depression is coming back cos of all this and that is not fun at all.

so yeah, Hi everyone

[Doolhof]

Hi Raggity,

Thanks for sharing your story here. Yes, I am sure there are going to be many people in the same situation.

I know it is not the same as meeting people face to face, but can you find ways to connect with people on the internet? I don't use the computer a lot, but am sure there must be many sites where you can connect with people.

The Beyond Blue forum has a social section. If you have a look through there you may find topics you would like to join in with, or if you are comfortable you could start up a new one.

One of my volunteering roles has been cancelled and the Church I attend may need to close. I have told myself I could text or telephone people from Church, but I don't know if I will actually do that!

It must be hard having your boyfriend overseas and not knowing when you will see each other again.

Can you think of some different things you could do with your Mum? Do you have other family members close by?

Maybe others can come up with ways you can connect with people on the computer or the telephone.

We may all need to become creative in how we connect with each other.

All the best, cheers from Dools

[smallwolf]

Hi, I hope you don't mind if I just tag onto the end of Dool's post...

firstly, these are crazy time we are living in at the moment. I have 2 jobs - parish Admin and software developer. Odd mix huh! Both jobs are affected by what is going on at the moment though I won't go into detail here.

There are perhaps 2 things from a parish admin role -

the first is "we" want to people to be able to feel connected in some way. We want to ensure that isolation does not become loneliness. To that end certain events get streamed so that people can join in from home.

the second is there was a lady who came in the other day with flyers for a helping hands group. We chatted for a bit, so there are groups out there who are also wanting help community be community by helping and supporting each other.

lastly, tell me about your neighbours? young? old? families? perhaps you could checkin on them to see if they are ok or need anything?

[Raggity]

it seems since i posted this, things have gotten worse in terms of this whole lockdown thing.

I see there are more new people posting about being lonely, its a very hard time. I've felt lonely for a long time and in a way gotten sick of communicating only through phone and internet. I wish i could go out and touch people. its a bad time to need a hug.

I dont really know what to do, i am just hoping that after all this i can make some friends that actually want to hang out with me. For now i just gotta try to keep my stress levels down and get through this shitty time.

I'll try connecting with other people on here for now and maybe that will be helpful.

As for my neighbours, smallwolf, The ones i know, are an old couple, who i am not close to and also scared that i will somehow get them sick. There is also a young woman with a kid who lives next door, I know her but we are not close. We all make sure each other is ok but its not really friendship.

I hope you are all safe out there too

[Doolhof]

Hi Raggity, and Hi to smallwolf as well,

Yes, these times are tough aren't they. We live on the outskirts of a town and have 2 neighbours and farmland across the road.

Today I was having major issues with my mental health and unfortunately the barking of the neighbour's dog was really triggering so I tried talking to the dog so it wouldn't bark at me. Then I became really annoyed and yelled at the dog. The owner then told the dog to shut up.

I don't think I will be talking with that neighbour in a hurry!

None of us know what is going to happen next. Hopefully at the end of this, people will be wanting human contact and will be open to chat and be friends with a variety of people.

Some Church groups and other organisations sometimes ask if people would be willing to telephone people who are isolated. I am not sure how easy that would be to organise at present.

Today I called a couple of older ladies from our Church and one was so happy I had done so and asked if I could call her again next week.

Have you had an opportunity to look at the Social Section here? You might find some threads there you would like to join in with.

I'm thankful I still have 2 days work and people to chat with at work! Not everyone has that opportunity.

Hope you find ways to connect.

Cheers from Dools

[smallwolf]

Hi Raggity, I work as parish admin at an anglican church and many of the activities are moving online and telephone groups are being setup as per what Dools is doing. There would be no harm and nobody would be trying to convert you if you called them for a chat and see what activities they might be doing online. Some of the groups that use(d) the facilities at church are also moving online to maintain some sort of connection.

what are some things you like doing for fun or relaxation?

Tim

[Guest_1643]

"it's a bad time to need a hug" - I really related to that. so true. You're right that so many people are talking of loneliness and wishing they had a friend around. It is hard that your boyfriend is far. I know that your Mum is not a friend of similar age, but it does sound nice that you have her. I think just that presence of someone in your life is nice, someone you can trust.

All the things I was doing to get contact have closed, so i don't know how to advise you without sound insincere... I have no answers and these are isolating times. I can chat though and would love to hear more about you. - Sleepy (vanessa)

[Gum_Leaf]

Hi Raggity,

When I was younger I struggled with loneliness a lot. I’m now 39. What I discovered on my journey of life was that finding things to do that I really enjoyed made a big difference. For me it is creating things, in particular painting and ceramics. It could be anything but something that fills your cup.

Be gentle on yourself and remember these times are going to pass.

[Raggity]

Hi all, thanks for the replies

I feel like i have a lack of words at the moment and dont really know what to say, but thank you

One thing though is I always have this tendency to stop doing or avoid doing the things that I like to do. I dont know why I do that to myself

[Doolhof]

Hi Raggity,

The reason I stop doing things I usually enjoy is because I am depressed.

The things that help us are the things our minds tell us we can't do anymore.

I have been told I need to push through the negative thoughts and just do something that usually gives me enjoyment, satisfaction and pleasure. Eventually our minds click over and realise hey yes! I can do these nice things for myself and enjoy them!

Try a little positive self talk and push yourself comfortably and see what you can achieve.

I'm going to be doing the same thing here today!

I might start with drawing a picture. It may have no purpose other than to give me contentment in doing something nice with my time.

Cheers from Dools