Mild Aspergers with Major Anxiety and Mild Depression - desperately seeking advice!

[Miss_Amy]

Hi everyone,

This is the first time I've reached out for help on an online forum, but I'm really desperate and willing to find help anywhere. I'm a female in my early 20's, from Brisbane. I have mild Aspergers Syndrome, so I'm very analytical and a major over thinker. I've had anxiety my whole life, which usually came in bouts in my teenage years which I would kind of recover from, and live my life completely normally. I hit a peak nearly two years ago, and never really got better.

I changed medications about a year ago, and that changeover was the worst experience of my life. I gradually went up on the dose until I found a point where I was coping better and I've been pretty good for about six months until plummeting again a few weeks ago. I would say I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder, with a major fear of death/dying. My symptoms include mostly a huge sense of fear/doom/dread, elevated heart rate, rapid breathing, hot/cold sweats, as well as diarrhoea, vomiting, and difficulty eating and sleeping.

The hard part is I don't seem to really have triggers; I don't know why I feel anxious most of the time, so there's nothing I'm fighting or particularly afraid of - it just hits. I don't really have any friends, at least not outside of work, but I'm happy that way. I get anxious going out some places, or just things scheduled for a specific date/time (doctors and shops usually okay). I pretty much can't RSVP to anything, I have to decide how I feel on the day. I always need to have an 'out' if I need it, but usually once I'm there I'm fine, it's just the process of it all.

I have an incredible partner and mum who support me so much; I'd be lost without them. My mum suffers with anxiety, but not as extreme as I do. I don't really contact my dad much, but he/his family basically are the history of anxiety and depression. I'm really hoping to find coping methods that work for other people - anything that has changed your life and symptoms for the better. I tend to 'stim' a lot, a very autistic thing, I can't explain it but it helps in the moment - pacing around the house, shaking, rocking, moving in general. When it's mild/moderate, I find keeping busy helps, such as games on my iPad (such as sudoku and solitaire), doing puzzle books (crosswords, word searches etc.) and going to work, but when it's severe, nothing works and I've had to take time off work.

Any support would be most appreciated!

[Croix]

Dear Miss Amy~

You sound, as you mentioned, an analytical sort of person and have given a very concise idea of your situation together with your current problems.

There is one area I'm a little unclear about, you said I would say I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder. Does this mean these conditions are undiagnosed and your treatment is for your Aspergers condition, or have I misunderstood?

All the symptoms except vomiting, plus a few more I guess, are pleasures I've lived with for many years as a result of PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression.

Assuming you are under appropriate treatment (if not may I suggest you have a long talk with your doctor to target anxiety more) I'd think you were on the right track. Not being able to identify triggers is highly frustrating though in fact you do hint at some: appointments, going out, social contact.

I've found anxiety falls into two broad areas. The first is my general level. If it was like yours I'd say I was in a heightened state and the measures I was taking were ineffective.

These, apart from medical support, are nothing remarkable. Exercise (v important) and a healthy lifestyle, eating nutritious food (yes I realize that can be a problem for you), getting restful sleep and generally trying to avoid situations that I reasonably suspect may increase stress. From not watching the news to not taking on too much, avoiding some people and so on.

Interacting with people is helpful, especially loved ones, something you mentioned, and are very fortunate to have, as I am.

I try to balance things with a set of regular distractions and pleasant rewards. Things to take me out of my everyday situation into another world. Also things to look forward too. I use reading and movies.

Actual attacks, panic and others, can be partly forestalled by the above measure which lessen frequency and partly by controlled breathing (2-4-2), thinking of other matters, moving away/exercise and remembering having survived before. While no one here can mention specific medications I'm sure it's worth discussing some of the more inconvenient physical symptoms with your doctor. I am less housebound as a result.

The free smartphone app Smiling Mind is highly useful (requires practice) to damp down unwanted thoughts and reactions.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/self-help-tips-for-managing-anxiety

is long but good.

I hope some of this can be a starting point and we can talk more

Croix

[Miss_Amy]

Thank you Croix, I really appreciate your reply. As I'm new to the site, I didn't know if I got an email notification when someone responds so I've only just seen it now I've logged in again.

I've seen psychologists before and haven't found them much help, and have a psychiatrist that I should really go back to, but her practice moved further away, and I was already driving an hour to see her, and last time my head was so foggy when I was driving back after my appointment and I had a car accident. I have been diagnosed with anxiety, I just can't remember if I was diagnosed with a specific type, but reading the descriptions on here, I definitely fit Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder.

I am really struggling at the moment, and there just seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. During the week while im at work, I've been really good, just by the time the weekend comes, I'm anxious, and it just worsens. I'm pretty much avoiding everything that I know causes extra stress/anxiety such as going out for events, and stay at home doing comfort things. But now, while in my home, surrounded by loved ones and doing my comfort things, I'm completely falling apart, and I don't know what else to do but cry. My stomach is in knots, I feel sick, and can't stop shaking.

I do have the Smiling Mind app, I'll have to use it some more. The main times I open it are when I'm really bad, and by then and shaking so bad and I can't sit still and follow the techniques. I've recently ordered some lava bead bracelets which I can put essential oils on, and looking at ordering a weighted blanket. Only little things though, I know they're not going to solve anything.

Again, thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. I think at this stage I'll need to go back to the doctor and see what they advise.

Amy

[Croix]

Dear Amy~

I'm pleased you came back. I'm afraid this Forum does not send you notifications, you have look to see what's new I'm afraid.

I'm pleased you are going back to your GP; anxiety, of any sort, is not the sort of thing you can completely recover from without help. It's a pity your psych has moved further away. If you do have a good rapport with her is it possible to have someone drive you over and back?

It's interesting the worse times seem to be when you are home. I'm guessing but perhaps you no longer have to put on so much of a public face - what do you think?

The Smiling Mind app does take practice, I use it regularly to help reduce background stress and also when I'm being hit by anxiety or panic. If you do not have the practice effect to carry you though I'm not really surprised you find it too difficult when things are extreme. Actually I've found everything from dealing with panic attacks to trying to defeat circular worrying thoughts all take practice to be effective.

I'm afraid I don't know much about essential oils or that weighted blanket you mentioned, hopeful they may help. Perhaps others here have tried them.

I did mention before I get a great deal of relief by regularly doing things that distract me, that I look forward to. The lifting of the weight of anxious thoughts for a little while is a great thing, do you have activities you can resort to - drawing, reading, exercise ...?

Please feel free to come back again. We would really like to know how you get on

Croix

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Amy!

I'm really glad you found the courage to reach out here on BB. So well done! Croix has been giving some good advice; he's a lovely person. 🙂 (Hi Croix!)

I've read thru your posts and think I can enlighten you somewhat; at least I hope I can. I have knowledge of the autism spectrum and Asperger's from working in the field. I also have ptsd and anxiety/panic, though my recovery's in full swing. I have my bad days, but cope so much better than I used to.

Your home-life sounds supportive which is an amazing backbone for recovery. You're intelligent, insightful and best of all, willing to do what it takes to move thru a step by step process to getting better.

As an analytical person myself, I know the obsessive compulsion to find solutions to problems more than most. It can be a Godsend, but also an inhibitor.

Having a triple header of Asperger's, autistic tendencies and then Mental Health issues, would be confusing and frustrating at times, though you sound on top of things re self assessment and knowledge; that's a great beginning.

A weighted blanket sounds perfect along with your coping strategies like repetitive/constant movement. I understand the benefits well.

Re triggers; it took me some time to comprehend my responses were caused by 'something', then identifying those causes was one step at a time before I saw a pattern. Feeling like you're dying is a clue along with your social anxiety.

Most anxiety's caused by feeling out of control, especially in situations where others are involved. Self empowerment and confidence are ways to combat this dreaded fear.

I know you'll understand how 'patterns' of behaviour play a major role in self assessment. Once these are identified, it's a matter of putting the jigsaw pieces together.

I'm here most days, so I'll keep an eye out for you; looking forward to chatting.

Talk soon Amy...

Warm thoughts;

Sez x

[Miss_Amy]

Thank you for you reply Sara, I really appreciate your response, as well as Croix's. It's really good to hear from someone with more insight to autism/Aspergers. I honestly appreciate anything, I'm starting to cry just knowing there are others out there, who don't know me, helping to fight this with me.

I just had my birthday on Friday, and surprised myself at how I coped and managed with only minimal anxiety. Great day out with family on Saturday, good day Sunday and Monday (my day off work to study) and was all good until around 11pm Monday night, and I came crashing down big time. Absolute fear/panic/dread consuming me with no answers on how to calm down whatsoever. I just cried and cried, while my partner did what he could, but was basically as helpless as I was. The hard part about my anxiety is that if I have a really bad incident/episode, it isn't over when the attack is over - it becomes this long term problem, anxious and edgy all the time, and feeling so low with no hope, no end in sight. Going to work keeps me busy and distracted at least, which I try and continue at home as well but it's not the same, and I do need my down time - I'm always exhausted. My job is exhausting, but I do sleep and nap way more than I should for my age, but I'll admit that sleeping is a happy place where I'm not affected by the anxiety.

I just wish I had more answers. I'm looking st seeing a new psychologist who specialises in autism/Aspergers which is great. I've been wearing my lava bead bracelets (that I add essential oils to) and have ordered my weighted blanket. I've downloaded the "Breathe" app and also have "Smiling Mind", but trying them when I'm at my worst is hopeless because I can't sit still to stop crying and shaking. I'm trying, I really am, just not really making any kind of progress.

Thank you again for your kindness and compassion - I will keep fighting!

Amy

[Mathy]

Hi Amy, and welcome. As you can see, I’m a newbie, but a couple of things that you said, I thought I could offer some constructive thoughts on.

I live with PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. However, I have what my Psychologist described as “wildfire” anxiety, meaning that it wasn’t triggered by significant thoughts or something that happened - it JUST happened. Now, maybe this was because I couldn’t adequately describe a trigger or what, I don’t know. Initially, I found distraction (ipad - jigsaws, solitaire etc worked well). Over time, I’ve become capable at acknowledging that it’s anxiety and moving on - but that’s taken a while, because usually I spend some time freaking out that I’m having a major health scare - it takes a bit of self talking to sort myself out. I’m not advocating a “toughen up” approach, more an acceptance type approach, based on not fuelling the anxiety. There’s a great book called “Living with IT”, written initially for panic attacks, but the theory works well with anxiety and agrophobia.

Regarding the Aspergers - do you feel that you’re in the right job, or is the job structured to work well with you? Bear with me on this. I started working with a young man who is Aspergers about 4 years ago. He got a job working Nightfill, I think he was probably in Y12 at the time. Anyway, Nightfill is something that logically should have strict rules, but really, in a big business, there has to be “unwritten” modifications. Anyway, I unwittingly caused him to get very upset (I didn’t know about the Aspergers) by answering a question about what to do, with something that broke the rules - I felt awful. Anyway, he’s pretty much through a double degree in mathematics and engineering, he’s very bright, very confident - much to do with his academic success, I suspect. BUT, he was moved to a position where the rules are much more logical - and he’s blossomed at the work that pays him some $$ whilst becoming an academic superstar. And I’ll give my organisation a gold star for making that happen.

Is there a conflict for you with your job perhaps? I know it’s possibly a cliche, but those with Aspergers do tend to have a special talent at something, You are a unique thinker/creator, perhaps some help exploring that side of you might be worth the time?

If you examine the concept of anxiety, it’s generally born out of conflict of some sort. Just a few thoughts, hopefully helpfu. All the best, please keep us up to speed on where you are at, cheers M 🙂