Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

Chris_B · ‎01-07-2014

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves. I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician. I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

Ladyhawke · ‎11-09-2015

Thank you so much for your kind welcome. It feels good to be in the company of others who share similar life experiences and understand.

ashley1 · ‎11-09-2015

Hello All,

I've always struggled with my self esteem, weight, relationships and socializing. I have always kinda known that it was linked to a trauma caused by childhood abuse.

I moved from Sydney to Brisbane 4 years ago to start a new life in QLD. I met an amazing woman, we shared an amazing 2 years of friendship before falling absolutely and hopelessly in love with each other. She helped pick me up and face my childhood trauma, including facing the person responsible. She helped with my weight issues and my self esteem. She made me feel good about myself.

Through the last few months of our relationship I changed jobs, into a job that I didn't get any satisfaction from with no real work mates to talk to. We were planning a 12 - 24 month trip to Europe together, where I was planning to propose to her under the Northern Lights, something that she has always wanted to see.

I became depressed, I thought that I was doing so much for her and not getting anything back in return. I became sour, and I started to hold things against her.

I started looking at ways to run away. That's been my coping mechanism, to just run away. June and July were the worst months, I treated her badly, I hurt her a lot. We separated and I ran back to Sydney to "find myself again, and get myself back". Only I've realized that my issue is that I was afraid to grow up. I was afraid to commit myself to her. I was afraid to say no to her, so I would do anything and everything for her which I later held against her.

Now, I'm depressed. Nothing is the same, everyone else has grown up and one of my best mates has opened my my eyes. I want her back, she's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

We're talking again and her visa for the UK just got approved but she's planning to go by herself. She just wants some time to heal and feel independent for a few months. She's said that we'll keep in contact and if we still feel for each other after a month or two that I'm welcome to join her on her trip, but we'll play it by ear.

I will admit, I'm a little scared she won't come back to me, but I don't really have a choice. I will have to let my little boomerang go, and hope she comes back to me.

The thought of not having her in my life is excruciating. I'm depressed and anxious all the time. I have an appointment with a psycologist to show her I'm trying to get better, she deserves it and I deserve it.

My name is Ashley, and I've made a huge mistake.

Alice00 · ‎11-09-2015

Greetings. My name is Alice and I am 34 years old. I am married with a 9 yr old girl who is the most wonderful child in the world (in my humble opinion). I went off my antidepressant medication about 2 months back (against doctors advice) and trying to regulate myself with a ketogenic-type diet instead which I read is great for depression. It's been going well, although I was triggered today and feel like I'm going down the rabbit hole once again. I guess I'm giving this site a go to see if I can get myself out of it again before I crash much further. Cheers.

Sugarcane · ‎11-09-2015

I am new, why, I have chronic pain and related stress and depression , I have this pain one year and have just got to the understanding that it will maybe go away on day or not at all, so it is testing my resolve and strength every day and so hard, I wonder what's the point sometimes, and see a black future, and other times I am positive the pain and emotional up and downs, I am not happy with it period, need a sign of hope.

Leira · ‎12-09-2015

Hi Everyone. I hope things are alright and manageable for you guys. I am here because I also suffer from Depression and anxiety with secondary cause of being a obsessive compulsive type. I am a very independent minded person. I was raised and look after by a strict parents. I am 1 in 9 children of middle class type of family.As a child grew up in a very religious group of people in remote town where people enjoys simple living. The source of most families income coming from farming.

I consider my childhood as dysfunctional. At the very young age of 7 years old I experience being sexually molested by our neighbour. I suffer emotional pain of trying to hide it to my family and friends. After I graduated high school, I still remember that sad part of my childhood. I begun having a relationship with the same sex. I still able to keep everything secret to my family.

I did manage to earn a degree in university and work in a big company. When I started earning to support myself I started to do everything that I want. I even married a woman and now we have one son. Before that marriage I was in different relationship with girl but most of the time with boys. But I cannot continue living and hiding something. So I guess my decision to get married is just to hide the real me.

Today I am working on to divorce my wife. After 15 years of troubled and unhappy relationship. I am so depressed and trying survive everyday of my life. I have been confined in mental institution and just couple of months ago I discharge myself from rehab center ( for my Compulsive Gambling addiction).

My psychiatrist have tried different types of anti depressant medication and the tablets that i am taking now is the 5th type since the first antidepressant prescribed for me. I still don't feel the benefit this antidepressant helping me with coping this depression. I cant go back to work because I am still under regular assessment for my fitness to work again.

I hope by joining you guys in this forum, I will be able to connect or learn something yourself is doing when you are in depression mood. I been into counselling but only to find out that I am still depress.

Thank you and I hope I hear from you soon.

Missy_T_ · ‎12-09-2015

I'm Missy. I'm a fourteen year old female from a town in the middle of no where. I suffer from Panic Disorder since I was little. So yeah, I'm just basically here to seek help.

Niggles · ‎13-09-2015

Hi folks

Ive been ready the posts on this page and it breaks my heart to read about all the perfectly normal people that you see in the street (and we are all perfectly normal people) who’ve been having a rough time in life recently. Last year I was having a few dramas with work, relationship, money and most importantly me. Like most blokes I thought I was being weak and just needed to “man up and get on with things”. No point in telling you folks about that sort of thing, it sounds like a common mistake to make.Needless to say that strategy didn’t work out so well and I ended up being pretty close to getting locked up (for my own safety). A year down the track and things are much better now and im doing well.

Yesterday a mate of mine rolled up on the doorstep (crying his eyes out, which is not normal for him) asking if he can stay for a while. He’s welcome (and always will be) to stay for as long as he needs. I really want to help my friend but im not exactly the most emotionally equipped fellow out there and I need some help. It turns out that

1) It looks like hes probably got cancer!.

2) His misses just bailed on him, taking his son!.

3) His Work life is somewhat less than impressive!.

Any tips would be much appreciated at this point

Niggles · ‎13-09-2015

Your not crazy luv but you do have a very interesting family. Ive got no answers for you or even any good ideas. I just wanted to say that most people would be somewhat stressed to find themselves in your position.

Cherrydreams · ‎13-09-2015

Hi everyone,

I'm a 34 year old female from Sydney. My Psychiatrist last week diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder, but my GP prior to that had said I had GAD, Major Depression and PMDD. It feels great to have an official answer, and now I'm looking forward to getting better.

CrystalM · ‎13-09-2015

Hello all,
I'm 28, a mum and a loving partner (try to be) I was a foster child until I was 16- not 18 like it was meant to be. (so here i am a 16 yr old living on my own)

In life i had a lot of struggles with knowing what was real and what wasn't due to having two lives. I had my foster life & the life they told me to make; because my social worker & foster parents said that if i told anyone i was a foster child my world would change and ppl would treat me differently. Me being a kid did exactly what i was told not to do; & they were right. My then friends dispersed. it was tough. not to mention i was hiding an enormous secret. (i was molested by my foster parents son from the age 2-12 years old) this is still a secret to my foster family except some have their suspicions due to how we act around each other (my foster parents son & i that is)(we barely look at each other or speak)

I have had some nasty experiences in my life to which i have flashbacks of & wonder if my mind is making this up or is it real? The feeling that i get is; it's real.

After i met my sons dad. i seemed to straighten out but when our son was born i got post-partum depression. 2 years later he left me & the thoughts kicked back in but i know i can't do anything like that because i have a beautiful son. He's 8 years old now & is my world.

Lately my living situation is tough. I don't work because no-one wants to hire me, im on centrelink and struggle to pay rent & put food on the table, I cry all the time, there are days where the world is going so slow or fast & i cant move at all, I barely go out anymore because i don't like ppl nor can i can't afford it. I'm so out of touch with everything that it's overwhelming.

I have a short fuse & snap at my son / ppl around me. i dont want this life any more. My son deserves to see his mum genuinely happy & not crying. he needs a mum who will get up & play. I look at him and think... you would be better off without me in your life & i truly believe it because his dad & step mum can give him the world. I can’t.

I've tried getting help from my GP but he looks at me like im a twit & tells me its my diet or he hands me an anti depressant that doesnt work.

I feel trapped because i cant afford help but i know i need it. (i have no family/friends) i don't know what to do or what avenues to go down to get help so i can get better for myself but mostly for my son.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.