Lost and Lonely

[Anie_G]

Hello everyone.
First time poster (26F), just trying to figure things out, not sure where to start and really just want to vent to someone and gets someone else's perspective. So apologies if this is long!!
I'm the reserved type that never really expresses when I have any issues or need help, and because of that I don't really feel comfortable actually having these conversations.

Firstly I've been feeling really disconnected from my friendship group. We've been a small tight knit group for about 15 years now since high school, but this past year I've really started to notice that I'm the one making all the effort in staying in touch and checking in, and that I'm being treated as just the tag along. So as a bit of an experiment on my part I stopped trying to keep in touch and being the one to reach out first and the group chats went silent for 3.5 months. During that time I'd constantly be seeing photos on socials of them tagging each other, hanging out (when lockdowns/restrictions allowed) and making comments like 'don't know what I'd do without you'. Whenever I've brought it up to someone they've always just changed the subject. Which just leaves me feeling worse and lonely. I've tried addressing it so now I just don't know anymore, and I know some would say make new friends but i'm really introverted and making friends as an adult is hard hahaha.

Then secondly I'm feeling really lost in my working situation. I started a new job at the start of the year, which I know in this current COVID world is very lucky. It's a job that I could use as a stepping stone into my wider uni field, but its also a job that I have always said I never wanted to do. I would stay there for the next 2 years while I finish uni but I honestly don't know if I could take it. I live at home still and would be considered the breadwinner by quite a bit. So there is some pressures to stay in the job to make it easier on the rest of the family financially overall.
There have been a few red flags, being so anxious about having to go to work in general, then being so mentally drained when I get home, it being a very alcohol based social environment outside of the office (I'm sober so I'm often just forgotten about), but then main red flag is that the boss said in a meeting 'mental health days don't exist', we get 20 sick days if we need a random mental health day it shouldn't matter.
I have made so many pros/cons lists its silly.

I just need an outsider's view to figure things out.

[hiiamsam]

Hi Anie, I do not really have an answer for you but I can tell you are not alone. I am also going through something very similar and I am at a loss of what to do, whether to finish university or go back to a job that I do not really love.

I commend on you wanting to stay at work so you can look after your family that takes a lot of strength. But remember you do have to look after yourself, however, you may do that.

Friends are also a tough one and I am struggling to find people to connect with without alcohol as I am in the same boat as you with having the same friendship group since high school and alcohol was always something that was in our group so I understand where you are coming from. I do not know how explicit you have been with your friends but I have found that is the only way to get through to them, other than that it might be time to seek some new friends and I can tell you as a 27 year old that it is not easy but there are people our age who do want to find new and like minded people to hang out with.

Stay strong, I hope something in here helps you. Reaching out is the first step.