Losing my battle to mental illness. It’s been 7 months since my very close friend (was a girlfriend at the time) had a proper conversation with me

[Old_Fossil]

It’s been 7 months since she last had a proper conversation with me. I’ve been ultimately confused about why she’s not been talking with me. At the 3 month mark she friendzoned me and despite that we still had a good night catching up and talking a little bit. It’s been 4 months and 1 day since I’ve heard from her. A month and 1 day ago she randomly blocked all of my social media out of the blue. During these past 7 months, my mental illness has been really crippling me since her presence has gone and has allowed difficult events in the past 7 months to really depress me and pile up on top of the other things that are making me feel worse everyday. I’ve tried to communicate to her how I’ve been feeling while she “ghosted” me and she never responded. I was told that this was trauma dumping but I only learnt that a day ago on Christmas Day when it was one month since she blocked me. I’ve identified that I have very severe cases of Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Bipolar Disorder, Suicidal Thoughts, Self Harm, Eating Disorders, etc. I really miss her and I want to apologise to her about how I’ve been acting and feeling during this whole 7 month mess. We’ve known each other for 4-5 years and dated for 2 of them and it’s really been a really confusing 7 months and I don’t understand why she randomly stopped talking to me for 3 months, friendzoned me, ghosted me for another 3 months, blocked me and now we’re here at the 1 month 1 day mark and I’m literally on my knees begging her to come back so we can discuss what’s going on and finally move on from this whole seven sh*tty months. I’ve been feeling extremely suicidal during this time and I’m honestly thinking of planning my suicide after my 18th Birthday. She really meant so much to me and gave me someone to talk anything about to and someone who can help me with my mental illnesses. Now her disappearance and many other events in this time period are leading me closer to suicide. I feel nothing without her and I feel as if I need her in my life and I obsess over her (this is where I got my OCD from) and do weird things like pretend that she’s with me and pretend to hold her hand. I’m worried that she’ll do something really bad to herself because she’s feeling mentally crap too and I want to help her but we can’t see each other because of her parents and because she probably doesn’t have her P’s yet. The only way I talk to her is on social media but that was going to change this summer but now that I’m blocked idk :,(

[Sophie_M]

Hi Old_Fossil, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you over the last 7 months. We can only imagine how confusing and heartbreaking it must be and the amount of questions that must be running through your mind, after being ghosted from someone who means so much to you. Sitting with such heavy emotions can be such a difficult task, especially if you're doing it by yourself, so please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue Forums and thank you for being so open. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It seems like you are struggling.

It is hard to say what she wants. Maybe she just wants the space for her own benefit. Give it some time even if it is difficult for you.

You have so much support and love here so don't give up.

Stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

[Old_Fossil]

Thank you so much for your reply! It’s very hard trying to understand what’s going on and I’m very concerned about her mental well-being as it may be just as bad as mine. I am going to give her space because it’s probably what she needs the most now that it’s school holidays. She blocked me on the last day of her school year so I think she just needs space. I think she might send a message on my birthday on the 12th of January but idk. I think she needs time and I honestly think I need some too