January Facing the Day

[Guest_10092]

Hi I’m a 48 yr old with a family but difficulty managing the all encompassing anxiety that has kept me from functioning or moving through what I have which is a good life. I have depression and recurring thoughts of not being safe in the world and so I isolate and am stuck in my thoughts. I’d like to be able to keep doing what I love- yoga, reading, loving the people who are family and friends. I hate being so stuck and want to connect with others who get it .. let’s be brave and try together 

[indigo22]

Hi CRyan,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I'm sorry you are feeling stuck, it's never an easy state to get out of.

There are no end of members here that can relate to your post, all at varying stages, so I can assure you we get it. That was the thing I found most helpful when I first joined the forums, I no longer needed to explain things to people who have never dealt with any form of mental health issues.

A lot of us isolate for various reasons, I think most commonly because of a lack of trust and safety.

Are you getting any help from a counsellor at present?

Is there anything particular you would like support with on the forums. People join for various reasons, some are looking for ways to cope, some post and reply to other posts, some don't post at all and just read the threads.

Having a look around the different sections of the forum can be useful in the beginning, so that you can find the area/s you feel most comfortable relating to others. Please let me know your thoughts.

I hope you will be comfortable here, it is a very kind community and I am sure you will find many to connect with over time.

Take care,

indigo

[therising]

Hi CRyan

I honestly believe two of the most challenging things to achieve in life are greater levels of self understanding and productive forms of self development. Just when you think you've achieved both, a new challenge comes up that tests you again on a whole new level. As a 54yo gal, it took me decades to finally work out that life is about graduating through next level challenges. While working hard in the way of graduating, there are definitely levels we can get stuck on (whether it be for weeks, months or years).

While there are some levels or challenges that are manageable on my own, there have been and will be levels in life that are unmanageable without guidance. I've found great guides can be the key to moving up to next level self understanding and self development. In regard to the things you love, what do you feel could be next level yoga, reading and/or people? Would they offer a different experience or sense of development? Would they offer ways of leading you to greater degrees of self understanding?

While I have an extensive library of self help books or what I like to call 'Help yourself to what may make a difference to you' books, there are only a small handful of books within that library that have helped me graduate in certain ways. One of them is 'Insanely Gifted: Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel', by Jamie Catto. Catto puts a unique spin on inner dialogue and how to manage it. And while yoga was never of interest to me until I was led to explore it, the woman who facilitated the one on one yoga classes actually led me to an overwhelming and quite shocking vent of tears and the realisation regarding the lack of love I had for myself and how dense and stuck that felt within me. While Jamie Catto and the yoga teacher had proven to be mind altering guides in my life, helping me graduate, there have been many others who I've added to my list over the years. These have included people who have managed to bring out the best in me, the parts of myself I've grown to love. There have been those who have helped me develop the philosopher in me, the adventurer in me and my soulful sense of self and there are those who've led me to develop other parts or facets of myself, such as the comedian in me (which can lead me to see the lighthearted side of what can feel dark at times).

Not sure whether you can relate but I'd have to say my favourite guides are those who really get how sensitivity is a thread that runs through so much of life's experiences. These people are not the ones who say 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up'. They're more so those who realise that while we have the natural ability to sense, there are challenges that come with such an ability. I believe the ultimate challenge with sensitivity does not involve eliminating it. It involves mastering it. Btw, when it comes to 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up', I have the ability to sense these words as being highly triggering 😁. Such words can stir great emotion.

[starlight]

Hi CRyan, I am 57 y/o with 2 beautiful grown up kids and a lovely husband. I also have been struggling with anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. I was navigating life quite well since may last emotional crisis in 2017 till a few weeks ago when my mind went havoc! So keen to join others in this journey and share what is happening and what are we all doing that may work to support our mental wellbeing and a road to recovery.

[starlight]

Therising, thanks for this lovely advice that comes from your own experience… you have given me lots to think about. My psychologist also mentioned self love. I grew up in an environment with an ambivalent attachment and high criticism but I am not blaming my mother for any of this, she probably had a worst upbringing and tried to do better than her own mother. Thing is when in childhood you do not feel safe then you need to learn to love yourself later on, to listen to your inner child and love and nurture that child. I am certainly starting to see the importance of self love, self compassion. Thanks again, your words brought tears to my eyes.

[therising]

Hi starlight

I can relate to how it's not always about who to blame for why we can struggle at times, it's more about identifying the reasons for why we do. We develop through becoming more reasonable or reason able people. With so  many abilities to develop in the way of our own evolution, personal growth can feel like a full time job some days, that's for sure. So important to remember to give our self credit for the hard work ❤️🙂

[Guest_10092]

Thanks Indigo

just revisiting my post and grateful for your reply and questions.

i have a good therapist and trying to find a way back into routine. Since my last post I have managed just to get through each day. I am grateful it’s time for term at school for my kids and I’m grateful for trying, however it’s still a very difficult struggle.

i have got a husband who has been through all of my mental health issues with support, however he has a lymphoma diagnosis (long term illness with B Cell cancer and currently watch and wait so not on chemo as yet)

he doesn’t want me to share with family or friends though we have agreed on 2 friends and my therapist as okay to discuss. I’m finding it hard to accept and process. Mostly for my children, it could be 10 years of living okay, or if the cancer cells turn up the heat on his bone marrow blood production it could be chemo for 12 weeks intensive and I’m very scared. I’m scared I won’t be able to parent my children and stay well. 
i have had hospital admissions last year, periods of being well enough to function but no lasting stability.

so I’m trying to look at one day at a time and not let the panic, derealisatoon and other side effects of psychological overload get on top of me, I would just like to be well for my children. I’m fighting and days sometimes I’m in bed.

I have a psychiatrist and I am on medication, but getting medication reviewed for the anxiety and feel shocking.

its just hard to face it when I am so lucky to have family and people around me. 
I want to be able to focus, to find logical solutions and not be gripped with constant panic about the future of my children - I’m sorry to write all this, it’s overwhelming and I feel pressure to be well, help my husband with medical appointments, keep things in the here and now and my mind keeps jumping to what if’s…

im going to try really hard to do yoga this week and be present for my birthday on Tuesday as my kids want me to have that day. I’m glad I can just process this here and thankful for people replying 

[indigo22]

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's ill health on top of everything else. You are trying to cope with a lot and I imagine it is a bit overwhelming at times.

One piece of advice I would like you to take on board and that is to make a time that is just for you every day, work it into your daily routine. How long that is will be up to you, but make sure you give yourself that gift each day doing something that brings you pleasure and calm.

We women were taught to put everyone else first but when we know better we must do better. You are worth it, we all are.

You can vent here whenever you feel the need, we will be here to support you.

I wish you a very happy birthday for Tuesday, I hope your family spoils you rotten, try to forget the rest for the day and enjoy yourself.

indigo 🌹

[Guest_10092]

Thanks Indigo 

I appreciate your reply and that tip is a good one. My choice today is a walk and lucky to have a pool to swim in. I find it shifts my mood to do 40 laps and try to keep in my body.

I also took steps and spoke with a friend about what we have found and experienced about my husbands lymphoma as she had been through over cancer with her husband and thankfully on the other side getting his health on track. I know this is the best way forward, to keep connected and keep talking to trusted friends and therapist though sharing  sometimes feels like whinging and I seem to revert back to panic regularly mostly as it is just coping with the daily tasks plus the extra stress that has my mind folding in on itself. I have the resources around and like this forum, just have to reach out and utilise them and give back when I am able to do so…I know I am there for others when they need support too. 
well I procrastinated checking in from that swim so will give myself a chance now as the washing is on, I have peace for a few hours and movement will help shift me into a better frame of mind. 

I wish you a good day in this cooler weather and thank you for the wishes for tomorrow. 🙏🙏🙏🙏 

[indigo22]

I hope you are having a lovely birthday.

I saw your other post but will not reply as it is not a subject I have any experience with.

I want you to know though, I have had more experience with cancer than I care to admit. I lost 3 members of my family to cancer and have had cancer myself. Much of the feeling around cancer can be frightening and I had my share of anger and tears in the beginning, but then I changed course and realised it was my wake up call. I had been so stressed out for so long trying to take care of everyone but myself that I manifested cancer because my body couldn't cope with the stress I was under. I have been free of cancer for 9 years and I don't use the terminology 'in remission', I simply no longer have cancer. Perhaps your husband has been under a lot of stress too and may benefit from getting some counselling during this time.

I understand your concerns but I also know that your worry will not be helpful to you now or in the long term. We can so easily forget that a diagnosis can go either way, and much depends on the way we see it. The one thing a diagnosis cannot do is define who we are and often finding our way back to our authentic self can begin to reverse the damage in our body through stress or neglect. Eventually, I saw my cancer as something I needed to learn from and started learning to be kinder to myself.

I don't know if any of this helps, but I hope it does.

Enjoy your day,

indigo 🌹