A warm welcome to the forum.
Judgement...hmm...I personally hate it; not the constructive kind that comes with guidance and an open mind but the kind of judgement that is all to do with closed mindedness and persecution. The latter of the 2 is often harshest when it comes from our self. The crazy thing is that such self-judgement is actually taught to us. Sounds almost cruel, hey, that we're mentally programmed (from quite a young age) to have sufferance be a part of our identity?!
I believe the question becomes 'Do I evolve beyond my home town (move elsewhere) or do I stay and do the work that requires me to evolve beyond the sufferance that such judgement brings?' Both involve you moving forward in some way. It may sound strange but both will require a change in identity (the way you identify yourself). For example:
MOVING
- I AM someone who researches places to live and job opportunities in new towns/cities
- I AM someone who may suggest to my partner that we spread our wings, take an adventure and explore life beyond this town for a time
- I AM someone who accepts the challenges that will come with such a life changing move
STAYING
- I AM someone who is prepared to do the work that leads me to accept myself, even when others don't 'approve' of me
- I AM someone who is prepared to break free from old destructive judgemental belief systems
- I AM someone who accepts that my mental well-being can be co-managed with the help of professional guidance. Depression and anxiety are not just states of mind/thought, they're also related to states of chemistry (chemical changes that can become debilitating for some). Guidance can make a big difference in navigating these states
Although it may feel like you've ruined lives, I want to reassure you that this is not the case. I know, easy for me to say. You have not ruined lives, lives have simply been changed. In truth, you never set out to cause sufferance when you took on the job, whereas the person who distributed the photos had set out to cause sufferance for some reason, otherwise they would have approached you personally. This action has caused your evolution to speed up. You're being forced to make a choice now, whereas in the past you may have toyed with the idea of changing destructive beliefs about yourself and/or wanting to leave town but didn't have the motive/motivation to do either one.
From personal experience, I believe the urge to 'give up' relates more to identity than anything else
Take care
