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I don’t know how to move forward

Community Member

Hi my husband died last year after a long illness in which I cared for him myself at home.
Because of this I was very much house bound for years as I had to get someone in to be with him if I want out.
It had been my plan to do some travel with my daughter. I was even wanting to go to Russia and study art at the academy for term. But now it seems none of that will be possible for the foreseeable future.
In fact it feels like I don’t have a future and I can’t get any answers that I need to be answered!
My concern at the moment is I don’t want the vaccine….at least not the ones they have currently on offer. But will take Novavax or Covax if it becomes a situation that I can no longer do anything in society. I have deemed at both theses vaxes which are like the traditional ones are safe to use. I actually don’t care if they are effective. I will only take them so I can get my life back. Which I don’t feel is a good enough reason to take them! Then I will be signed up to this vax passport and all that goes with it with gov telling us to take anything they thing we should take. BTW I enjoy wonderful health and take no meds and am very natural in my approach.
I feel not just my future but most peoples future is bleak and we are heading towards some sort of dystopian nightmare. I feel they are changing everything in this world now. It’s going to be a whole new ballpark for everyone.
I can’t shake these feelings off. Nobody can convince me otherwise and most of my family and friends are seeing the same thing to a greater or lesser degree. They are either semi professional or professional people eg therapist, architect, teachers, computer programmers etc. What I am trying to do is to not go into denial about what’s coming down the pike but to try and feels less stressed and worried.

8 Replies 8

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi RebeccaR

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. And I feel great empathy for the situation you now find yourself in.

Full disclosure: I am fully vaccinated. But I had the freedom to make this choice for myself. I can only imagine how hard it is to lose this freedom.

I am very concerned about vaccine mandates and the impact of ongoing restrictions on unvaccinated people. Given Australia’s high vaccination rate, the harm done to the unvaccinated just isn’t proportionate to any potential health risk posed to the vaccinated.

It’s not just me saying this. Leading epidemiologists agree. I think the problem is that politicians think being “tough” on this issue is a vote winner. It’s not.

Anyone who values the principles of what is supposed to be our representative democracy knows it isn’t right.

Just hang in there. I think the tide may turn, at least within our nation. I’m really sorry for the impact this is having on you.

Kind thoughts to you

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

HI RebeccaR,

I am sorry for your husband's loss. I can see that you are going through a really tough time. Just know that you have been so strong.

Everyone has their own opinions on things and it is fine that you disagree with the system. Everyone is different.

Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

Thank you I certainly hope the tide is turning. I have been in this locked down state now for almost six months. After my husband death when I was able I stated to get my life back. I started to do short courses in art and also going to studios to work from the life model. Of course all that stopped in June. I was making friends and enjoying life. Though in the back of my mind I knew a big lockdown was looming and I even told several people this as I could see the vax rates for my state were not moving much. I also knew they would bring in vax passports. And now the weather has been awful for about a month and previous to this I thought the thing that might save me a bit was to get some swimming in at the beach. Normally when the weather is not good I will go to the heated indoor pool but now I can’t get in. Only to outdoor pools. If this vax is so great then why should people worry about the unvaccinated? I can’t help but feel there is something very sinister about all of this.
I had always believed in reincarnation and still do and I thought that was good. Now once I die and don’t want to exist at all. I am really done with everything. This whole covid ….and now the hysteria of the new variant…….is really the end for me.
I just can’t move forward when there is nothing to move forward too. I am not even allowed to have a visitor to my house or go out to a park with one person. One of my cousins is very ill and I would love to go visit him but he is in a retirement village in a two bedroom house and you need double vax to visit. I will probs,by never seen him again.
I have brought up my family, looked after the rest of my family when they were ill…..for years. Paid my taxes….still do…..never even had a parking fine, worked for free in my community for years for improvements from council. Now I can’t do anything!

Thank you. There is probably a limit to my strength.
The last 20 months of looking after my husband was a nightmare in that he was bed ridden and in the end I hardly got any sleep as I had to help him to the toilet. Though often he didn’t make it before I got to him and I would be cleaning up mess at 3am on a regular bases. Not unusual for me to have 4-6 loads of washing over day as I had to constantly change his bed clothes and PJs.
Anyway I just don’t know what I have to look forward to now. If Novavax was available I would take it as it seems safe. But it’s not available. And I have read they will only have it as a booster. The one I prefer would be Covax as it doesn’t have any heavy metals in it. During this time I have now educated myself on vaccines. Anyway I don’t think Covax will be approved here though there really isn’t anything they could knock it back on as it has passed human and animals trials and now being used overseas.
I am so trying to get out of this depression I have fallen into but it’s getting worse. Normally if I get down I get busy and involved and do as much as I can. But now there is very little that I can do except wonder around a park or such. And then only with one person. And I am seriously sick of walking around parks! There are some now I can’t even go to as I used them so much during lockdown with the 5 k limit. This world has become insane. Some collective madness has taken over and there is some sort of evil at the core of it.

Hi RebeccaR,

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you after the loss of your husband. We can only imagine how hard things have been for you, please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

Hi Rebecca

I hear you, the situation you are in isn’t fair. I don’t understand it or how we got to this.

Our communities should not be divided. People should not be punished because they have a different view to the state. Some common sense and kindness would be appreciated right now.

Have you been to see your GP to talk about your depression? You have really been through a lot and are still enduring restrictions and that’s really hard. Might be useful at this point to seek out some professional mental health support.

Kind thoughts to you

Thank you. Yes I have been through a lot and I was hoping to rebuild my life and get myself well.
I have these fleeting thoughts, just get moving do some interesting things, then I remember that I can’t do things I would normally do like got to the heated indoor pool, weather here has been awful for a month now. Or go back to the studios to work from the model. So all I have is I might spend some time with a friend or family member once every two or three weeks. So I have nobody to speak to for weeks on end except to say hi to a stranger or neighbour when outside. My friends are busy and I have only one family member living in the same city as me and I don’t like to impose on anyone. Going to the studios and pool before did satisfy my needs.
I have spoken to my doctor about a lot of this. But no help there. She isn’t even my doctor I have only seen her twice. I don’t have a regular one as my health is so good. She was my husband doc. So only went to see her to sign some forms and last year for a minor issue.
I do have a therapists from DVA for a phone call every two weeks. He know of my issues and he knows I am depressed. But I can’t seem to push forward. Can a person just be happy I wonder when circumstances are not good. I have literally been locked out of society! And I am not use to this at all. Most would say it’s my own fault. But I am truly scared of this mRNA tech in vax. And though AZ doesn’t use it they have the most adverse events. And nobody knows the long term affects of these things. And it doesn’t seem to be any guarantee that the place won’t go into another lockdown. Austria has already done this for the whole population. And Germany will probably follow. Gibraltar weeks ago cancelled Xmas. UK gov is saying covid misery….their words….will last nothing 5 years. And I believe we will have another lockdown at some stage.
If this continues we won’t have anything left. If civilisation falls because of these measures then we will just have to face this virus! Better to do it in my view while we have things together. I think the whole way they have handled this is collective insanity!

Hi RebeccaR

I agree with you, although I’m not a doctor, that you may be experiencing situational depression. I believe treatment is still important.

I encourage you to seek a new GP who you can rebuild a relationship with. Sometimes it really just helps to vent to a doctor and sometimes we need a little more help from them.

You can also call the bb support line any time for a chat, 1300 22 4636.

Nobody has a crystal ball in life. Impossible to know 100 per cent for certain if there will be any long term effects on people from the vaccine. The world needs more time to conduct studies.

However, after doing my research and weighing the risks of Covid for me and the personal cost of not being vaccinated (I would not be able to work), I felt my best decision was to have the vaccine.

My fear is catching Covid and falling seriously unwell. Totally realise this will happen to only a very small number of people but I don’t want it to be me or someone I love. For me the vaccine makes sense because the evidence shows it will mitigate my risks.

The evidence also shows that I can help others in the community and reduce the risk of transmission by being vaccinated and adhering to other public health measures. So that’s what I do.

But I respect your views and know you are entitled to have them. We should be able to have different opinions, talk and if need be agree to disagree without anger, punishment and judgement in a civilised society. We have really lost something very important throughout this pandemic.

Kind thoughts to you