HI!

[Tars]

Hi everyone,

My boss suggested a few weeks ago that I might need some help. But for someone who not only has anxiety but an intense fear of most medical professionals it's hard for me to start. I have always been described as somewhat "dark" in my thinking but I have seemed to deal with it up until now on my own. I feel really alone now and like if I don't get help I'll be fired. I'm a very self sufficient person and always was the person taking care of everyone else. My friends all came to me as "fixer uppers" homeless, jobless etc. They are all successful and happy now and I feel left behind.

 I don't know what exactly I have to change to make things better but I want things to get better. I dislike martyrs or people falsely playing the victim so the feeling of victimisation I am experiencing is causing a whole lot of intense feelings that I am struggling with. Over the past few years I went from what strangers see as completely happy, to someone who would burst into tears at work and now someone who internalises everything and that's not good. My friend circle has diminished and I am ashamed of that not that it is really anyones fault. People grow up and grow apart. I think I have had to say goodbye too many times before and the reason I am really struggling now is because it's not a good excuse, moving to different countries, death etc those are good reasons for friendships fading. Not being too busy.

 Ok so that felt a bit narcissistic but good to get out. I guess I am here and that's step one so something in the right direction. 

All I ever wanted from life is to be "Happy" so I'd like to find that.

[Noreen]

Hi Tars,  I'm new too.  This is my first post.  I hear your confusion.  It's bewildering, hey!  I hope you find your happy and I hope being here helps.  That's why I've come too.

[Doolhof]

Hi Tars,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the community here. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

If you feel uncomfortable seeing a Dr about how you are feeling, can you take someone else along to the appointment with you for support?

You can always feel like you are in control and that you have a part in what ever the Dr may recommend for you.

Beyond Blue have a phone service, on 1300 22 4636 and also a chat online service, with the details on this site. I have found it very helpful in the past to use both of these services.

There is a lot of information on this site about depression and anxiety. You might find some of it helpful. There is a section on finding a professional to help you in your region, treatment options and so much more information.

Unfortunately for most of us friendships and relationships come and go. I try to find activities that make me happy that I can do alone. If I have someone to share them with, then that is a bonus.

I have a friend who's husband died years ago. She will not go to the movies, a restaurant, on holidays or to many places by herself. I do have a husband, but I am still very happy to go out and about and do things by myself as well as with him.

It does sound like you need some assistance. Sharing your story here is the first step, it is wonderful you have stepped out and acknowledged you want to make changes.

Hope some of my suggestions are helpful to you.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Bluey_moon]

Hi Tars, 

The all I ever wanted was to be happy resonates with me, I beleive that's what I wrote in my year book as my goal. But I guess one of the things with life is you can't always be "happy". Have you ever read "The happiness trap", it describes this idea so much better than me. 

Well it sounds like your boss cares about you to try and get you to seek help. 

You don't need heaps of friends, just a few good ones! That's what I have found anyway!

Do you have a GP you trust? That might be a good place to start seeking help. There is also a BB chat line and phone number, they are awesome in pointing you in the right direction, or even for a chat! 

I just wanted you to know you aren't alone, this forum is supportive and a great place to air what you are feeling! 

With hugs, 

Skye