Hi everyone

[Homebound]

Just discovered this forum, wish I had sooner! Have been reading posts on various threads and it saved me this weekend, after another episode. I'm tired of what I've become, and I'm guilt ridden for what my beautiful son has endured because his mum is so damaged. I've just started unpacking all my emotional stuff, and the process of healing is hideous in itself. I blame myself for everything and find it hard to be assertive as when I speak up about an injustice I inevitably just get emotional and look like the crazy one. But not taking action just adds to my baggage from the past and swirls in my head. My diagnosis is Major Depression, dysthymia and Borderline PD was briefly mentioned in a psyche report by a psychiatrist when I was first hospitalised, but it was never discussed with me. I notice symptoms of ADD, lack of focus, unable to concentrate or learn new things, but I have no concrete diagnosis apart from the Depression. Any advice would be much appreciated on what threads to read especially advice about learning to be assertive and speak up at the time of an event rather than bottle it up and then explode. That's been my usual method, and it has destroyed the lives of both my son and I as it lead to me being misunderstood getting in trouble with the law in the past. Thank you in advance

[Soltex]

Hey, I'm new also just thought I'd drop in and say hi and hope all goes well for you in the future.

[RandR]

Hi Homebound and welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and sharing your situation.

Takes a lot to speak up and talk through personal experiences. Takes even more to admit that changes are needed and help is sought so I commend you for that.

You've tacked the first step which is great, and that is, you've joined BB and read various threads. I too once suffered major depression for the good part of 10 years. My advice would be to start small and work your way through the different thread titles ie: Depression, PTSD, Mental Illness etc etc. From experience what you're experiencing can be extremely overwhelming mentally. The age old saying how do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time.

I will also ask other community champions of Beyond Blue to see if they can also shed some further advice and specially around being more assertive as you've mentioned.

If you don't mind me asking how old is your son and what is his name?

Many thanks and welcome 🙂

Regards,

Raman.

[RandR]

Hi @Soltex,

Welcome to the BB forums 🙂

If you haven't already and feel comfortable to do so we have a thread 'welcome and orientation' for all new BB members whereby you can introduce yourself and connect with other members and community champions, share experiences, etc.

I'm Raman by the way 🙂

I wish you all the best on the Beyond Blue forums.

Regards,

Raman.

[Homebound]

Hi Raman, thank you for your reply. My son is 19, I'd rather not share his name, he's suffered enough embarrassment because of me, the poor thing. I have to encourage him to vent to me, he is such a good, loving and decent young man and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but I don't want him to carry those incidences of my behaviour, I want him to share with me how I have affected him, so he knows I am working on changing and I am not going to live in denial. No matter how horrible it makes me feel, I want him to unburden himself. I wrote a list of my commitments to him two years ago, he still has it tacked to his pin board. I have come such a long way as I have made a lot of progress, especially in committing to him that I will stop and think before I react to situations. I get triggered very easily, especially if it relates to my son, I'm very protective of him, which is why I have isolated myself. I do still slip up, and feel horrible when I do, but I try to look to do better the next day. I joined this forum because of him, I realised I need support so that I don't burden him with my condition any longer. I can't do this alone, thank you so much for reaching out to me, it means a lot.

[Homebound]

Hi Soltex, thank you so much! It can get very lonely living with MI, thank you for wishing me, I appreciate your kindness

[Evilnut]

Hi homebound I welcome you to the beyond blue forum well done the biggest step already taken to your happier life one step at a time.

My name is Wayne or evilnut lol, brief about me 57 male, married twice 3 children 36,34,10 they are why I am here they make my life worth living, I feel sorry for people who plan not to have children the greatest gift in life.

I it took me a long time to get were you are now and many life challenges two marriages so on you see were I am going. We sometimes blame our self for life challenges every think is a challenge because there all solvability with help talk to positive up lifting, surrounding your self with people that under stand were u are right now. These people want judge you and give u help very helpful hints Evey step of your journey to the happy person inside, if am having a sad day I call on my past my happy place for me its before I was 8 that happy go lucky boy so longago 1967 these memories for me are pure untainted before life got in the way sounds simple it took someone I don't like to say a simple word (child live free of guilt). I worked all my life for my families 6-7 days a week shift work went back to school at 40 to improve myself it was then I found out I had adha just another challenge in my life solved. A good professional can decided after one visit plus with your information about your challenges to help improve your life with a health and safety plan.

Keep your chin held high your a winner how do I know I don't but being here to get advise and help proved to me your a winner Kiddo's

Have great day from the evilnut Wayne I look forward to plenty of happier chat in the future.

[Homebound]

Thank you Wayne, I like that saying' child live free of guilt', guilt and shame are my constant companions. I find it much easier to accept and forgive others than I do myself. I know I should be kinder to myself, kindness heals. I'm still working on it. Have calmed down a bit, was very anxious this morning, didn't want to go and do my washing but had to. My son gave me a hand which helped a lot. Been on BB on and off all day, and it has been a huge source of comfort. Happy chats sound good, see you around BB ! Thank you 😊

[Evilnut]

Thanks homebound that means a lot to me I will try and chat u later if want to share self help tips I am and always will to learn from peoples experience ( experience learnt but not sheared is a waste ) from known author evilnut just joking

Have a great note Wayne

[Guest_128]

Hey I found you again.

My name is Dory

I hear you load and clear!

Welcome to a place that you belong.

catch ya

Dory