Hi All - new member / advise needed

[Resocha]

Hi Everyone,

I have been battling depression and anxiety since I was 7 years old, and I am now 29. This has mainly been caused by years of school bullying and the lack of action / protection by schools and adults in my life.

Since finishing high school in 2008, my condition deteriorated further and I have built up anger towards my former school. I want to send the principal (who is the same as when I was at school) an email explaining what happened and the long term effects it's had on me, since back in the day nobody would ever speak to me about the problems or try to help. A lot of the reason I want to send this, is to get it off my chest, but I'm hesitant about if I should go ahead.

I would appreciate peoples opinions if I should go ahead with this, and what I should include.

Thanks in advance 🙂

Dan

[Guest_1643]

Hi Dan,

Welcome!
I think it's amazig that you want to send a letter to the school -to me that shows that you are able to acknowledge what happen and speak up for yourself as a child.
What do you want from the school? As long as you are okay that if it doesn't happen - you'll be able to accept that too then I think it's fine to send a letter or email.
Speak up in a way that feels okay for you, when you feel okay for you and that it won't jeapordise your mental health. It's your right to speak up, but you come first, so make sure you are safe and okay and strong enough to do it 🙂

[geoff]

Hello Resocha, I'm sorry for what has happened and yes, you are entitled to send an email to the principal, whether or not they act or respond to you, no one knows.

If you can add to the top of the email 'without prejudice' will only protect you as it can not be admitted in evidence before a court or employment tribunal without consent.

This may prove to be vital not only for you but for those other kids who maybe needing help.

Let us know how you get on.

Geoff.

[Resocha]

Mostly I want the school and the principal to know how I feel, as when I was a student I was never asked what was happening or who were the bullies. I was just left to suffer in silence whenever myself or my mother tried to raise the issue.

It's just that in a way, I feel a little stupid for waiting 12 years but initially I was in a bad head space then had more important issues in my life to focus on. The past few months have been tough, and I've been feeling my worst I have in years.

[Resocha]

Hi Geoff,

I was actually thinking about if the school would perceive the email as a legal threat, or be afraid to respond due to admitting liability.

After I finished school, I seriously wanted to take legal action against the school but chose not to as I have nothing in writing about the issues, and often legal proceedings can be more traumatic than the bullying itself!

I am thinking of listing issues that happened, and the names of teachers who bullied me along with examples of things they did.

[Croix]

Dear Dan~

Before saying anything else I'm afraid the term 'without prejudice' can only be used when a predefined set of conditions are met. From the sound of it they will not be met here and the institution and the persons named may indeed regard your letter or email as a legal matter on which they may take action.

Should you wish to do this please seek competent legal advice first. As you quite rightly say any court action may be as traumatizing as the original event - and maybe set your conditon back years - and is by no means likely to succeed without corroborating evidence and reliable witnesses as well as considerable expense.

Remember the first thing you are doing is suggesting poor performance by the principal, and secondly negligence or even abusive activity by those you name.

Most states have a special section of the police to which one can report abuse. I would suggest if you really want to take the matter further then start there though I suspect they may tell you the same thing. Ringing 1800RESPECT may also be useful.

Sleepy has a very good question in waht do you hope to gain? For many there comes a sense of validation and lessening of guilt if a perpetrator is stopped or brought to task, however I believe the majority find realistically the price far too high.

A list of bullying tactics is a useful thing, and it may help you in the writing, I guess I'd talk to my psych about that. To do anything with that list would take careful though and advice

I'm sorry to seem negative but would not want to to become enmeshing in something with your eyes closed.

I'd be glad if you wrote more

Croix

.

[Guest_1643]

Hi there, you have a right to be heard and speak up - it's healthy and normal to say "ouch" when someone hurts you - and to tell them so - they have hurt you and could hurt others, and i think that's okay to speak up. However organisations that don't care about people take a lot to admit fault sadly.

I know it might sound hollow - but 12 years is nothing in terms of taking time to report mistreatment, neglect or abuse.
It is so so common for people to take time to process these things. That's why I wrote initially that I feel you may be stronger now for recognising it. But it can take years, decades, or never sadly for people to process what has happened to them. Well done for honouring your feelings and feeling them. Who knows what outcome you can achieve - but the main thing is you and your feelings - you as a strong person who knows what happened and doesn't accept it.

[SarahZ]

Hello Resocha,

Thanks for reaching out!

I’m really sorry to hear about your negative high school experience of getting bullied and how those with higher authority at the time didn’t take any effective action. I can definitely understand where your anger is coming from and how writing a letter to the principal might be a therapeutic way to let go of some of this anger.

You’re super brave and courageous for recognising that what happened in the past wasn’t okay and now taking the initiative to address it head on. I commend you!

Hopefully by writing this letter this may help reduce some emotional burden you must have been carrying for all of these years.

Please update us if you feel up to it!

Wishing you all the best ~