Hello!

[Flames]

Hi, I've signed up tonight. I'm at a real low point in my life right now and needing some help to get back up.

I suppose I've been a tough person and I do handle things well, but I think I've just had all I can take right now.

Im 35, divorced twice (or will be soon) and I have two kids 7 & 3 (one to each ex husband). My first husband cheated and is still with her, my second has something going on with a girl at his work but says he wants to get back together.

I was sexually abused by my father for 7 years when I was a child and have been stalked by him since he was charged.

Since my split with my last husband I have had to move in with my nan, my kids and I share a bedroom and I had to give up my job.

I want to use this to make my life better somehow.

[white knight]

Hi flames, welcome

You've had it tough. Most of us here have had issues that have made life a big challenge. We are here to support you and hopefully to at least help you with your journey through life.

You have two beaut kids and none of your childhood assaults are your fault

Stay brave. Life will work itself out with focus on what matters.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hi Flames, we often ask ourselves the question 'why does this have to happen to me' and many times we have no answer, but for you to be sexually abused by your father is something I always detest, and then to be married twice where they have had affairs which are still going on is not how anyone would ever think would happen to them, but it has with you, and no matter how tough you think you are there is a breaking point, and this is where you are now.
It would be a good idea to put an IVO out on your father so that he can't stalk you, but this is something that you really should talk to your lawyer about, because he has been charged for the terrrible crime he did and by stalking you I don't think he would be legally entitled to be doing, and once again be charged.
I would also consider going to the police who would have his record on file.
If you get back with your second husband then what he has been doing is only going to continue, either with your knowledge or behind your back and I wouldn't suggest this happen.
It could provide you a roof over your head, but the consequences are that you will be back to where you are now, because he will only continue.
Let's get your father and second husband sorted out first and then you can look at where you will be able to live, and by saying that if you are on centrelink payments they can provide the bond money if you want to live in a flat, plus you are entitled to rent assistance, so please we hope to hear back from you. Geoff. x

[Flames]

Thank you, Geoff.

I have had AVO's over the years, but nothing stops him. When I was in my teens he was violent. He was out to kill me, by the time I was 20 it was down to finding photos of myself out and about on my doorstep. Now it's just a car sitting out sometimes. I don't worry about myself anymore, but I do wonder if he would take my daughter. I have alerted daycare.

Applying for an AVO means I need to see him in court. It just makes me the situation worse.

I love my second husband still. He is the man version of me. My first husband and I should probably have always been nothing more than friends. I look at that break up as something that needed to happen right at that time in my life because I wouldn't have met him if it hadn't.

I lost all respect for husband no.1 when he did it though. I can barely look him in the eye now. His girlfriend was married also and my ex wrote a letter to him on her behalf dumping him, which he asked me to proof read. he barely sees our son and husband no.2 raised him.

My second husband says he and the girl he works with are just close friends. She causes trouble. I told him if he wants to get back together he can't be so close with her. So he deleted her off Facebook but that's it. He still has contact and hides his phone.

I need to forget about him, I know that. I have so much time on my hands now all I do is obsess over it all.

I have moved two hours drive away from where I lived. My son has settled in to school so there's no going back now.

I need to study, get myself in to some activities to meet people and I have to live with nan for company. I keep wondering if I even want to live anymore. All I want is to be happy in life and I can't even do that.

[Flames]

Thanks Tony

[White_Rose]

Dear Flames

A warm welcome to Beyond Blue. What a dreadful time you are having. I am so sorry it is happening to you.

It is truly horrible that a father can molest and abuse his daughter. I am always appalled when I hear of this happening. I suspect it has influenced the type of man you married, but that's a guess as I am not a psychologist. It was brave of you to complain about your father's treatment of you. Do you know when he will appear in court? As Geoff has said, he cannot stalk you. A complaint to the police and your lawyer will stop him doing this or he may end up in jail earlier. Is he trying to get you to rescind your charge?

Your cramped quarters with your nan is not ideal, but you are safe there which the most important thing at the moment. It's not up to me to decide if you should return to your husband. I'm sure it's a great temptation because you would have your own home again and your child will see his/her father again. You know what is best for you.

I presume you gave up your job to look after your children and your nan cannot care for them while you are at work. Giving up your independence is hard. I hope you will be able to return to work soon and provide a home for your family.

Have you ever received any counselling about the abuse? If not can you go and see your GP and tell him/her what has happened and how you feel. There are a some people on this forum who were abused as children. Have a rummage around the site, read the posts of others and join in the conversations if you would like to do so. Have you contacted any support groups for people who were abused as children? This could also be helpful to you. Here is the web address of the Blue Knot Foundation. http://www.blueknot.org.au/ They also have a helpline 1300 657 380.

If you are feeling particularly down and want someone to talk to, this would be a good place. You can also phone Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. Please continue to write in here.

Mary