Hello world

[yana_]

Hi, I'm a year 12 student turning 18 pretty soon and have struggled with mental health issues my entire life

Great first liner for an introduction, I know, but unfortunately it's the truth. I've struggled a lot with finding people to relate to around my age due to the condition I have among other things. I have the pleasure of having the condition CAIS (complete androgen insensitivity syndrome) which means, in the most basic terms, that I am a female who was born without a uterus. That means that I am characterised as being 'Intersex'. it's a fun lil thing to be in certain situations, like when someone tells you that there are only 'two sexes' when arguing about something completely different, being gender. other than roasting people who say gender and sex are the same things, there aren't many ups.

I've never met someone my age that has my condition, or even who is intersex. Even if I did meet another person who was, I'm scared I won't have the same interests as them and then being intersex is all that I would talk about to them. this feeling of overwhelmingly being alone has led to my passive suicidal behaviour as I've been told. I'm getting better now as my antidepressants begin to slowly work more and more but I clearly remember points in my life where I didn't care if I lived or died but wasn't actively seeking to die. I'm sad that it's gotten to this point, honestly, I am. I spent all my younger teen years helping my friends with their body image issues, their ED's, feeling alone and now that I'm nearly 18... well... I look back and I realise I didn't have many people to talk to myself. there weren't many people who understood the condition. there aren't many medical professionals who know about the condition either. Gynecologist side it's fine, but there aren't any psychologists in my city who know or are familiarised with the condition.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, to be honest with you. I started off my last year of school with the hope that things would get better but I know that wishing or just wanting it isn't enough. I need to actually do something to help myself to get better but lack the motivation to try because it's never worked out in the past.

for my final graphic design piece this year, I made an artwork depicting a male figure drowning underwater, laying on his back as if he's made impact with the water and gone unconscious. his hand is reaching out to his phone in desperation. I guess this is my way of doing the same.

🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hey yana, 

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us here. We understand it can be tough to post for the first time, so we are grateful you decided to even if you felt unsure. It sounds like you've spent a lot of time helping and caring for those around you, and we hope you know that you too deserve the same support and kindness. We can hear how overwhelming these feelings must be, but please know that this is a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you. Hopefully a few of them will pop by soon and offer you some words of kindness and advice.

It's really good to hear that you have reached out for mental health support in the past to help work through these thoughts and feelings. We understand that the process of finding what works for you can be frustrating, but we would encourage you to keep trying to find the right support that works for you. We'd also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer support and advice, as well as referrals that you may find helpful.

You might also be interetsed in checking out some of the LGBTQI+ Support Services listed by our friends at Reach Out- which includes an Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome Support Group where you can connect with others, if this is something you may be intersted in.


We know it has taken courage for you to share your story today, so thank you. We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.