Hello Everyone!

[Anthony1]

Hi, I haven't posted here for a long time but given how I've been feeling recently, I felt it was time to check in. I've been taking meds for anxiety for many years and like many others have been feeling stressed about the pandemic. This year I've been lucky enough to finally move into a place that's big enough for me and my kids. It's about five years since my divorce for rents to come down enought to be able to afford something suitable. Given that I haven't had the chance to see many friends in quite a while, I've been spending way too much time in my head becoming anxious about even minor things. My whole body has been feeling tight and tense for what seems like four months now. I've been taking meds to relax but I don't want to rely on these too much. Some days it feels like I'll feel like this forever. I'm still working but even there is stressful becuase of alot of internal conflict within the company. My son has ADHD but is a beautiful boy with a good heart. My daughter has just turned fourteen and I'm worried for her as she grows up. I've been mostly single since my divorce and I'm getting to the point in my life where I feel as though my kids will never see me happy with someone and that no one wants to be with someone my age who doesn't own my own house and isn't climbing the corporate ladder. My marriage and some previous relationships did alot of emotional and psychological damage, and kinda feel like I've been treading water for years in some ways. I don't really feel as though even my closest friends understand me, and at the age of 49 this feels like something I should be saying as a twenty-something. Apologies if this intro is a bit rambling. I hope you are all doing ok out there.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Anthony, welcome back to the Beyond Blue forums!  It great to see you back here after a few years away. We're sorry to hear things haven't been going well for you lately. It sounds like you've got a lot on your mind and are experiencing a lot of stress and pressure. We hope our community can talk through some of these thoughts with you and hopefully get you on the right to track to feeling better. 

If you feel up to it, we'd also recommend reaching out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 on 1800 512 348.

We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[Croix]

Dear Anthony1~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you back. Despite the problems you face now I can see a fair number of things that are better than in 2014. (I dislike people who say how good things are) but I do need to mention the divorce is behind you, you have the kids, and now are renting your own place. Those are less worries.

I'm also pleased you are gettng medical support for your anxiety, I simply got worse until that happened.

I'm sorry you don't get to see your freinds at the moment , it realy helps when you can, and strife at work adds to the tension.

You might like to look at anxiety management strategies towards the bottom of hr page:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety

I'm not so sure about your view on what kids need. They do not need you to own a house, or even be in a relationship, they do need someone who cares (you do or you would not have them), is constant and looks to their welfare. You seem to fit all those. Saying your son has a 'good heart' is reflection of your values, not every child is so lucky in a parent.

Would you like to say why you are worried about your daughter, while I might guess if you were to say we could look at things more directly.

To give you some idea of what a person might do. I was approaching middle age, had PTSD, bouts of depression, an anxiety condition, no job and no money, yet I found a beautiful (inside and out) person to love me and we are still together and in love 20+ years later. It happens.

I would like it if you came back and talked more

Croix

May I ask why

[Anthony1]

Hi Croix,

Thank for taking the time to write. I'm only worried for my daughter in the sense that she's becoming a young woman; just general parental love and caring. My kids mean the world to me, its just that transition that she's making that's bittersweet.

I know my kids don't care about how much money I earn, but I would like them to see me happy with someone. The guy my ex married is nice but really only focuses on his work and bringing in money. I would like my kids to see me with someone and let me show a side of myself that they haven't seen. I haven't seen this side of myself for a long time as well, and I feel really lonely most of the time. I realise the pandemic is not a good time to be hoping to meet someone. I've dated other people since my divorce and they have all been great people, but my anxiety about being perfect around them (related to my marriage) made for some interesting outcomes. The last woman I had something with was great in the bedroom, but I realised that I needed more than that and that every time we saw each other we would run out of things to connect about and it wasn't fair to use her in a way that wasn't genuine so I broke up with her. In a way I was glad to know that I still wanted real connection and love, but I feel quite mixed up about where to find it and what it is. I connected very deeply with one of my work colleagues a couple of years ago; we spent alot of time together and talked about a lot of shared experiences. The difficulty was that she is 25 and I am almost 50. We both felt something was going on, but stopped short of anything else. It wasn't even an older guy into a younger woman thing. I really liked her for her. It's things like this that make me wonder what I'm doing in the romantic area. Anyway, thanks for reading. I appreciate it.

[blondguy]

Hey Anthony1

and welcome back!

I feel and understand the pain you are going through Anthony....Your post reminded me of myself with anxiety and relationship issues as well as taking the meds for the anxiety as well...I hear you loud and clear Anthony

Sophie_M and Croix have provided solid support above...except I dont dislike anyone

After being through the same pain and anguish relationships can be difficult Anthony...sort of like a minefield

The meds are helpful yet only provide us with a solid platform on which we can heal using ongoing counselling or having a chat to our GP....on a frequent basis

you are still the same proactive and amazing person 🙂

my kindest always Anthony

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Anthony1~

Having read yur last post may I suggest that while you might want to portray a loving person with a partner to your children, in fact you are displaying a role role of selflessness and consideration. Yu deciden not to for a realtionship by using someone, and you did waht you considered best wiht htat younger lady.

So you may not have achieved waht you set out to do, but instead gave your kids something possibly even more valuable to emulate.

With your daughter, most parents worry about pregnancy and STDs, if you are not sufficiently up to date on these matters pup in to your GP or local family planning clinic (if htere is one) and get good advice. Then sit down and talk. Actually most young ladies might be able to set you straight.

As far as her freinds are concerned, perhaps always encourage her to bring them home, this is what I did and it seemed to work out well.

Croix

[Croix]

P.S. Sorry abut the typos, I inadvertently hit the post button before editing
-C