Feeling stuck

[Sahas]

Hi to anyone who might read this. I'm a new member here and must admit that I feel a little anxious about posting. I've suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life, stemmed from emotional abuse growing up. I have found myself struggling with my depression a great deal this year. I'm getting older and feel so behind for my age. I have struggled to figure out what I have wanted to do for a career, and have no relationship experience. I never go anywhere other than study and work commitments, as I only have two friends and these are not close relationships. I've never travelled and rarely explore new places or activities. I feel like over the past 10 years I have tried so hard to figure it all out - to fix things. But I'm in the exact same spot. I'm exhausted from trying only to feel like I haven't progressed at all. I'm scared things will never change. I look around at other people my age and long for what they have. I would love to have passions, friendships and a partner. I have been working so hard with my self talk and have been much more patient and kinder to myself in the past 2 years. This has helped some. But I still struggle with many negative beliefs about myself and life. I feel like I haven't really moved forward and there is no joy in my life. Truth is I'm very lonely and deep down I believe that I will always be alone. Today in particular has been a really tough one and I just needed to get this off my chest.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Sahas

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
We are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure to hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.

Regards 

Sophie M

[SewerTurd]

I went through a very similar scenario about 7 years ago. Since then my personal situation hasn't really changed but I feel a lot more at ease and with my life. I think this is purely a result of growing.

I got myself a rescue cat. She gives me purpose and provides me the affection I craved. 

I'll leave any advice to those more qualified, but what I will say is that we tend to be our hardest critics. 

[mmMekitty]

Hello Sahas, & welcome to the Forums. 

A few questions for you to think about:

How does it feel to have written here?

& I wonder if you have or would consider seeing someone about your depression, anxiety & how you are feeling so behind for your age?

Answer as you like, no pressure. 

Oh, & I also wonder what areas of study you are doing, & if these could lead into some fulfilling employment, or career?

If not passion, are there things you like doing?

At the moment all I have are questions, no answers, as I'm still figuring things out, too.

It''s great to read you are challenging those unhelpful thoughts & beliefs., working on the self-talk, & caring for yourself better now. I guess, looking for attributes & personal attutudes about yourself is next in the 'to do' list.

Personally, I know I'm highly critical, but that's not so bad, because it keeps me from being scammed! I do like that. & I have my sense of humour. Musi is & always has been, a good thing in my life. Not much of musician, but that doesn't matter so much anymore. 'Near enough is good enough'. I've taken that on in answer to feeling I can't or ever will. I do't have be #1 to enjoy what I do. Indeed playing snooker really badly is great fun.

Warmly,

mmMekitty

[Mark Z.]

Hi Sahas,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story. You're very brave and you're doing the right thing.

I'm sorry for your challenge, it must be very hard for you. I can tell that you have very good self awareness. What you are trying to do, including self talk and being more patient and kinder to yourself, is amazing.

Do you want to share, if you're seeing professionals, for example, a psychologist, or have some mental health support program. If you still haven't, it might be a good idea to start with your GP for the referral.

I'm not a professional, but I'd suggest not to compare with others. Everyone is different, and everyone has their own challenge, which we may not know. Don't think about "fixing things", instead, accept who you are and where you are, and based on this, every progress, big or small, is a success, and worth to celebrate.

Mark