Fake

[AlexAlex989900]

Some people would think I have this awesome life with cool job, boyfriend, nice house, fit etc...but I would almost give it all up to be happier or just be a different person sometimes. The faking that I'm happy all the time is so mentally draining. The faking that I'm ok at work, the attempting to fit in with everyone else when it's such a struggle. I hate complaining and I know things like lying in bed all day and not exercising, drinking alcohol etc would make it worse so i force myself to get up and fake a smile but like I said it's so mentally draining just pretending that I've got my shit together when I've got that stress inside me thinking negative thoughts like im not good enough to do that or people will bitch about me etc. Lately at work I've really lacked confidence and shut myself out more from people; would rather try and work on my own; Things like failing an exam but im not lazy an worked really hard for it. I've struggled for years trying to be as good as everyone else, but i feel so dumb, seriously lack self esteem and confidence, the stress of trying to do something I feel like people look at me and think why is she so stressed when I'd do anything to shut it off and just be normal. I shut people out because i don't want them to find out the bad side of me so would rather sit at home after work where I can let loose rather than trying to make friends and fake making an effort and acting like I'm this awesome person and friend. It's just such a struggle to tell myself be positive, that I'm not dumb, I'm a great person when I honestly don't believe it most of the time. Does anyone else feel like this or have any idea what it is or what I should do? Thanks heaps xx

[Croix]

Dear AlexAlex989900~

Well you dipped your toe in and no harm came of it so now you can say how things are:)

There is no need for any mask here, just say how you feel.

As someone who has an ongoing anxiety condition I can relate to both the mask -faking it -and the underlying thoughts of not feeling you can do things, or people will judge you and all the rest.

This is completly exhausting, and you are doing an impressive job in carrying on, going to work, and not staying in bed, not exercising and not using alcohol.

The idea that your circumstances, "cool job, boyfriend, nice house, fit etc..." has anything to do with it at all is simply wrong, they are irrelevant. I had similar, simply made me feel guilty and worse as a result.

That mask does, it is true, enable you to go though the day without awkward questions being asked and without people knowing what you are like inside. I found it was a sort of instinct to do this. Unfortunatly it has a major downside, you feel isolated from others because you are not realy interacting with them, and at the same time if you hide yourself you end up feeling what is inside you is somehow wrong and should be hidden. That feeling is far from the truth.

So firstly may I ask if you are under any form of medical support? I tried to improve but simply kept on getting worse until I had competent medical treatment. It can be had to go to a GP (booking an extended appointment) and setting it all out but can be well worth the embarrassment and even fear.

I now live a life wihtout a mask and am confident in my abilities, and happy being with others and working with them -a vast change. This was due to the medical team - it was also due to understanding family support

Apart from doctors and such do you have any personal support? anybody -family or friend -you can talk with honestly and just get a feeling of care and support? Trying to cope with all this on your own is extra hard.

I hope you come back and we can talk some more

Croix

[AlexAlex989900]

Thankyou I really appreciate your reply. I'll consider everything you've said and figure out my next step...

[Croix]

P.S. I forgot to mention.

Can I suggest you have your own thread -maybe in the Anxiety Section. This one is just a general thread where people first start. When people see the title of your own thread over there you are much more likely to get others answering and talking with you.

If you are unsure how to start a thread have a look here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/the-forum-faq-thread...

When you have made your thread a post window will open and you could paste the text from your post above there, or else write it again however you like.

Sing out if you get stuck

Croix

[smallwolf]

Hi there and welcome to the beyond blue forums. I was thinking about the question you posted... I guess what I did was to talk with my parents first. You referred to feeling fake whereas I would have called myself an impostor. Virtually the same thing. For myself it stemmed from things in my schooling years and that fake feeling relates to not being good enough even if I have the skills required. And when I make a mistake it feels as though you will be found out.

Have you been able to talk to anyone about how you are feeling? Either friend or family? If you do not feel comfortable there then maybe finding a counsellor in your local area might be helpful.

It is frustrating when we might logically know we are good enough but our minds tell us otherwise. It is possible to reclaim your story and whether you find it here, or with professional help...

Listening to you

[tranzcrybe]

Well done, how's the water?

It's incredibly difficult to really be yourself around friends collectively - not so much about any pretentiousness, but the feeling that you don't want to let the side down. What you wear, say, and do, is more about assimilation than any conscious effort to betray your identity.

A bit like first dates where we are on our best behaviour at all costs, presenting ourselves in the best possible light will usually entail trying to emulate someone else who matches our ideals (as who would ever like us for who we are?!).
Social media has much to answer for in this respect as inadequacy resounds on hearing how glamorous, fun filled, active, and creative, some people portray themselves, as in the delusion of fame that often stems from the antithesis in reality - Glamorous movie actors puffing on a cigarette had the same effect on hapless audiences in the early twentieth century.

Essentially, it is a survival skill - from when cavemen decided that wearing animal fur was 'in', aristocrats came to blows over collar sizes and wig styles, and what tie added leverage to business deals!

It's not you, just the evolution. In time you will find friends because of your 'bad side', who admire your character and individuality for its very difference. Just like first dates who eventually marry, reality is inevitable and such a relief when you realise you are all you ever needed to be in the first place.