Doc Joe

Doc_joe · ‎10-07-2015

Hi my name is Kevin ,I am 75 ,my wife Jill is 71 ,she is a palliative care patient that I got out of palliative care on 24/12 /13 she cannot walk or go out ,I cannot leave her ,she had all her faculties as I do ,she is in bed on oxygen 24/7 ,I sit and watch and keep her alive with prescription drugs ,so lonely ,no friends ,no social activity ,both very lonely .

Zeal · ‎10-07-2015

Hi Kevin,

I'm sorry to hear that your life has been so challenging for the last few years. I must say, your wife Jill is very lucky to have you by her side. You have undertaken a very important and difficult role, as a full-time carer. Is there any way for you to get a bit of respite? You could ask your GP about at-home care options. Perhaps you could have a carer look after your wife for one day a week, so that you get some time off for your own health and wellbeing. During this time you could go out and pursue a hobby, or have a meal with friends or family members.

Loneliness is a horrible feeling. Close bonds with friends and family can add extra meaning to your life. You have the bond with Jill, but you need to have other regular social contacts or outings. Is there a family member or close friend who could watch and care for Jill for a few hours a few times a week, for instance. This may not be possible, but is a good option to consider.

I hope you are able to find some form of respite from your extensive responsibilities.

Good luck and best wishes,

SM

Doc_joe · ‎10-07-2015

At this stage so far I have refused respite as I have to suddenly put her on drugs at any time day or night and only I know what to do to save her each time,Drs have said she would have died in 2013 so it's all a bonus but I cannot give that responsibility to anyone else ,but I think I will have to except an hour a week to get dr scripts and chemist ,and home visits by Drs are few and far between .

Doc_joe · ‎10-07-2015

It really all about my wife's comfort and pain control ,but breathing is the big life threatening point that requires a mixture of oxygen air and drugs .not really any answer to this ,I just have to be here for her after 51 years married ,

White_Rose · ‎10-07-2015

Dear Kevin

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. You have my utmost respect for managing the difficult situation you are in. I cannot imagine how hard and lonely it is for both you and your wife, but I can understand the love that keeps you by her side and caring for her.

I'm not certain of Jill's situation but I gather you are able to talk to each other. Do you have any family and friends nearby? I ask because I wonder if anyone can visit you both at home so that you can enjoy some additional conversation and diversions.

I do not know where you live so this suggestion may not be available, but is there a palliative care service that could assist you? How do you manage Jill's personal care? Sorry if this sound intrusive, it's not meant to be. I am wondering how you manage tasks like shopping, cooking and laundry. Do you have any help with these?

The palliative hospital should have a social worker who can assist you in many ways, including someone to sit with Jill when you need to go out briefly. I know GPs are very busy and have little time for house calls. When a friend of mine was in a similar situation her GP arranged for the palliative care nurses to visit regularly, including a doctor on occasions.

How is your relationship with your neighbours? Can they drop in for chat at times?

I'm sorry I cannot offer many suggestions as I have little experience in this area. I admire your love and dedication to Jill. I hope others will provide more ideas for you.

Mary

yarnartisan · ‎11-07-2015

Hello Doc Joe, I can partly understand how you feel as my husband and I did palliative care for his father at home.

I understand that you feel you are the only one who knows what she needs but if you push yourself like this without a break you may end up sick and unable to care for her. I'm sure if you spoke to your wife she is probably worried about the strain you are under to.

You need to look at getting a break as recharging your batteries mentally and physically so you can continue to provide the wonderful care and love your are giving . Whether it's just a half hour walk , when you go the shops take the time to have a coffee and just sit . Go to the nearest beach and go for a walk or buy and icecream and sit and watch the waves.

Now it sounds silly but the neighbour would come over each day when she got home from work and sit with my father in law and we would walk down to the nearby lake and feed the ducks. There is something about feeding ducks that makes you smile, very good for the soul.

Don't be afraid to ask people you know for help, they are usually glad to be able to do something to help even if it's just sitting with your wife for an hour or two.

I'm not sure where you are but Silver Chain nurses or the equivalent in your state should be able to assist you with some aspects of your wife's care and you should be able to get help with this through your GP,local hospital or the palliative care ward your wife was in. Also places like Red Cross or Anglicare can sometimes help.

Caring for someone you love in this way is an honour but also very exhausting . Just remember by taking time for yourself will allow you to give the best support to your wife. Don't forget you can always ring the beyond blue helpline anytime and they are great to talk with and just relieve that stress and strain and grief and loneliness you are feeling.

I can only add my support and send my warm wishes to both of you. I'm sure your wife knows what a lucky woman she is to have you .

take care of you

Yarnartisan.