Confidence = 0
I have been living in an emotionally abusive marriage for 20 years, my husband is 20 years older than me and gets worse everyday, he is the ultimate 71 year old narcissist, lovely to everyone but me, puts me down to everyone so he looks like the victim, etc, etc. I am his 3rd wife. I have been called every name you can possibly imagine by him on a daily basis, evening is the worst time as he is a functioning alcoholic and after he has been drinking all day at the end of the day I cop it. No one knows this but me, I have tried reaching out to people but they just don't believe it of him. People say why don't you leave and I have the usual standard answer, I am not in a financial position to leave. I have an employment opportunity but I am becoming overwhelmed with feelings of lack, I just don't believe in myself any more and cant get past it, I am about to pull the plug on this employment opportunity, I not sure if I will be any good to anyone. I feel my soul is so dented, all I do lately is cry and its taking its toll on my health. Can you suggest anything to help me feel worthy ? I have prayed and prayed for a new beginning and to get away from this horrid person I am chained too, but no answers have come to light. I cant believe I survived the Black Saturday fires just to be left in this terrible trapped position, dosent make sense to me, I just don't know what to do...….. completely and utterly lost.
Thanks for letting me tell you this. 😞
Wish I was there to give you the biggest hug!
What is the employment opportunity regarding, if you don't mind me asking? Can you see it leading you anywhere in particular, such as to some financial independence, possible new friends/positive influences, a chance to feel a sense of achievement, further opportunities not quite visible at the moment etc? Doesn't have to be the job of your dreams, just a stepping stone toward your dreams.
We're such interactive creatures Bonni. Being a mind/body/spirit gal, I have a fascination with the way all 3 aspects of self interact. It's amazing how thoughts generate chemistry and how thoughts and chemistry can impact our sense of connection to life (spirit). Read a fascinating book by an author I absolutely love, Joe Dispenza. He takes mind/body/spirit connection and translates it into neuroscience/epigenetics/quantum physics. Sounds complex but what makes him such a good author comes down to how well he translates things into layman's terms. The book I speak of, 'Becoming Supernatural', contains several examples of how environmental influences can transform mental dis-ease into physical dis-ease (aka disease). Understandably, your husband has had an intense impact on your mind, body and sense of connection to life. Having your own personal environmental influence, free of your husband, may just be the ticket. I understand it's tough to invest our energies into a challenging change of identity, especially when our energies are low based on a number of reasons.
'Becoming Supernatural' also contains amazing stories about people who overcame overwhelming mental and physical pain. I know, hard to get excited about someone's recovery when we ourselves can be experiencing an all time low but, at the end of the day, most of us hold the same potential. It becomes about how we're guided in reaching that potential.
Bonni, whether guidance comes from the enlightenment offered through a book, a counselor or even simply a friend, answers often do come to light through positive guidance of some nature, offering a change in perspective.
Take care of yourself Bonni. Our Phoenix moments in life can be incredibly painful as we face disintegration yet, as we begin to integrate our mind, body and spirit together in new ways, what is born from the ashes is a stronger, more colourful and far more brilliant version of what existed before. You have risen from the ashes before (Black Saturday), have faith in yourself.