Anywhere but here

[Pipey]

I'm new to the forum as I briefly mentioned earlier. I am a mother a nurse and all of the other things in between I suffer from depression and I struggle everyday my marriage of 18 years is very affected and I feel lost. We have four children (teenagers) All boys 18, 17, 15 and 14 and my parents live with us also. I never thought I could be surrounded by so many people and still feel so alone. But the truth is all I want to do is be by myself my husband does things that make the situation worse and when I try to communicate what it is he needs to stop doing he becomes defensive. I can't cope with him as well as everything else but I have nowhere to go. I have inquired at retreats but they want extraordinary fees. I have my three dogs who are my only friends and most places are no pets I just need to have a break does anyone know of anywhere. I still have to work so having a place to leave my dogs is hard to find but I just need some timeout.

[An_Aging_Youngster]

Hello Pipey.

You are clearly well in touch with your own emotional needs, unlike a good many people.

Without understanding more of the dynamics of your particular situation, I can only suggest a few ideas to you, some or all of which could be wide of the mark, but I hope that they give something to work with in terms of finding a solution that works for you.

In my own marriage, partner defensiveness is almost always driven by a fear response. Some sort of marriage guidance might be useful here. So might any self-help guides that you find on the Internet. Counseling either through your G.P. or as a self-referral is another option - I had my own counseling paid for by Medicare.

Some people need a lot more "alone time" than other people. Your husband might not be aware of that.

As a nurse, it might be worthwhile indirectly asking the people you work with if they have any ideas.

I hope these ideas give you something to work with, and please keep in touch.

Warm regards,

AAY

[quirkywords]

Pipey

Welcome to the forum. You have made a first step in communicating your story to this safe and friendly place.

I am not surprised you are struggling with being a nurse,a mother of 4, a daughter, and a wife in a difficult marriage. Just one of those roles would be difficult .

I can relate to being around a lot of people yet feeling so alone as that was what my previous marriage was about.

I am sure there are pet friendly places are available.

Have you spoken to a doctor about how you feel or a counsellor.

Welcome again

Quirky

[geoff]

hi Pipey, to be surrounded by so many people would only want you to be by yourself, because there is no joy, satisfaction or being able to make a decision without everyone else knowing about it, and when you have depression there is nothing worse, you can't think or do anything without the whole tribe knowing about it, it's no wonder you want to be by yourself, but somehow it's something you need to try and find another flat that allows dogs.
I actually live in a flat/unit and can have my dog with me, I couldn't live without her, so what I suggest is to contact any real estate and explain your situation, it's not every landlord who refuses dogs, just make sure that the backyard is enclosed and safe, so that your dogs will be safe.
It's not only about being by yourself you really need to contact a doctor, whether you want to do this at work or privately is up to you, if however it's at work you might not be charged, and their honesty in keeping this under the belt so that no one knows about it is their medical honour to keep it that way.
Please let us know how what you have decided. Geoff.