1:34 am

[mildly]

I have been reading the forums for some time and im not sure how it all works. As stated in the title its 1:35 am and im here....alone. I had to put my best ( and only ) friend to sleep (my dog) two days ago. I am now totally alone, when i say i have no friends its a simple fact not a cry for help. I am in my mid 50's and very anti social. Anyway i thought coming here mbut ight get some stuff off my chest, and im fighting the urge to delete all this. any way......

[croquemadame]

Hi Mildy,

I can't begin to imagine how hard of a time this must be for you - I have relied on my pets through lonely times... and as much as I felt like it helped, leaving my house and enjoying the beauty outside did more than curling up in a ball confined within these walls ever did (and as previously stated, everybody handles their grief in different ways).

I personally wouldn't rush into things, but it's best not to dwell... Especially in your home, where you probably spent most of your time with her. If you don't mind picking up a book, I would suggest going to a bookstore or a library and maybe investing some time reading into loss, grieving or change. Take that book down to a park, breathe some fresh air and if you need to think about her, think of all the good memories.

Above all, allow yourself time. I know it's such a cliché, but just give it some time... You will feel better. I promise.

All the best.

[White_Rose]

Hello Mildly

Just wondering how you are going. Haven't seen you on the forum for a couple of days and wonder if you want to chat. I know you have found it difficult to post here but hey, two posts already is pretty good.

Mary

[mildly]

So here I am again, life goes on, I have read all the reply posts and I do understand what people are saying and yet It just all seems like....words that are supposed to be said. Not saying I don't appreciate it but right now its just words on a screen.

I suppose i am here cause i read the post by white rose where "battling depression" was mentioned. I have been to a few doctors and they all agree I am depressed. anxious and extremely anti social tho finding a actual clinical psychologist in my town to give me an "official diagnosis" is impossible. I'm in my mid 50's and have been on disability for over 20 odd years, tho it was never really explained to me why i was put on it in the first place. The psychiatrist at the time did a 45 minute chat, patted me on the shoulder and said "you have had a very hard life" (well duu) .

I have never been offered medication, nor would i take it if offered having read all the side effects and my predilection for addiction and the fact that i really hate tablets, medication simply wont work. So i come back to the term "battle" ... is it really a battle, is feeling good all the time a win? If some one beats depression does anxiety take over? I have never thought of it all as a battle, its just the way things are...

anyways

[White_Rose]

Hello Mildly

Good to see you back here. "Battling depression" can give as many different impressions as there are people who read these words. For me it means knowing myself, learning how I got to this place and what to do now I know. It's a battle because it's hard work moving from one place to a better place. In that regard it's like managing any long term illness, knowing what it is, how it works, what I need to do to stay well or get well.

There are times when I simply sit down and give up for a while because I am tired of working. When I want some help but nothing is forthcoming. When I feel utterly alone. But I get up again and start to live my life and feel better about it all. I think that all sounds sad and dreary and sometimes it is. I think everyone has those patches in their lives whether or not they have depression or any mental illness. Sometime we just need a rest.

The people who have replied to you have done so from their own experiences. That's the only valid experience we know, what it is like for us. It may sound like the politically correct response but I can assure you no one here writes from that perspective. We all post from the heart to encourage others, offer support and in general walk with you and each other. Yes I know how that sentence sounds but it is a reflection of how I think of my life's journey.

Medication is an old story. So many folk refuse to take meds for much the same reason as you. You must check this out with a doctor but I do not believe antidepressants are addictive. Other drugs that are used in conjunction with ADs may be addictive, I don't know. Side effects of ADs are not an automatic outcome from taking these tablets. I spent a long time trying different meds. Some simply had no effect while other had horrendous side effects which meant I could not have what one doctor called a therapeutic dose. However I now have an AD that works to keep me more settled, stops many of the panic attacks I used to have and has only one side small side effect.

Please do not dismiss all meds as addictive, dreadful side effects and generally useless. Clearly I cannot tell you what meds you need to take and I cannot tell you what I take, but I think it would be worth your while to discuss your concerns with your GP. I refused meds because I was ashamed that it was considered necessary

For many people depression is a battle and they consciously work hard to get well. We all need help to get well. Lets continue talking.

Mary