Nervous about counselling

[Coffeebean]

I thought I should post a newbie hello. It seems the polite thing to do, rather than lurking.

I am married, mother of two, working part time.

I've been taking an antidepressant for almost four weeks now, (first time) and need to see my gp again to arrange counselling (also first time). Side effects haven't been too bad, just restlessness and low appetite.

I've realised that I'm particularly bad at talking about myself. I am a really, really good listener, but when it comes to talking, nothing comes out. It's almost as if saying "I'm fine" has become automatic.

[MickeyM]

Hi Coffee bean! 👋

Glad magnesium is helping. I also take Vitamin B, which I think helps absorption of Magnesium, as well as stress relief. As with all medication, including natural, please see your doctor!!

Well, that's a pain about your psychologist! I think that like so many other things, it needs to be the right "fit". Getting help should be easy. Obviously, we can't advise on what you should do, and if you've already seen them before, it makes things tricky, however in the past, the psychologist I wanted to see wasn't available, so I saw someone else in the same practice. I discovered that the person I was seeing was a lot more flexible and more available, so I kept seeing them.

Hope this helps

Mickey

[Coffeebean]

I lasted about 30 minutes at work., then fell apart. I feel like my life is falling apart.

I don't want to be here. I feel like I'm defective. Why can't I cope with just the simplest things? Why am I scared of the simplest things?

I'm safe.

[MickeyM]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear you've had a bad day.

Sometimes I feel like a computer with too many windows open. Trust me, you're not defective, you're human.

You will get through this.

Mickey

[Coffeebean]

I don't know.

My head hurts. I feel useless. All I can do is take my medication and keep telling myself my reasons to stay safe.

This is so lonely

[BballJ]

Hi Coffeebean,

You are not useless and not defective... like MickeyM said above.. you are human... you will get through this.

Please, speak more and let us know exactly what you are feeling, we are here to help where we can.

My best,

Jay

[Coffeebean]

Thank you Mickey and Jay. I'm not sure if there's anything you can do except maybe just listen.

I feel like I've tried everything to help myself but that it's just out of reach. And when I realise that it's not helping, then I fall even deeper.

I'm mot sure I'm making sense. I exercise, I try to eat well, I cut back coffee, I cut back alcohol, I journal, I take medication. Last night I wrote myself a list of reasons to keep living.

I took this week off work, just managed to get outside today, though I was hyperventilating and had chest pains.

My concentration span is about 20 minutes, then I get anxious and restless.

Im so vastly behind in everything. I can't answer phones, can't read email.

I have people who care, yet I can't for the life of me figure out why they would bother.

I have my first psychologist appointment tomorrow, I feel so pessimistic about it.

So much negativity. This is not me.

[MickeyM]

Hi Coffeebean

Sounds like you need to check your medication with your GP. Everyone responds differently. Something I read ages ago-don't know if it's an urban myth or not, but I read that when new medication goes to tests on humans (after all the other stuff), it's only tested on men, because their hormone are stable. As our hormones change and some more than others, I really think you need to go back to your GP.

Mickey

[BballJ]

Hi Coffeebean,

We are always here to listen, that is exactly what we are here for. I know why you have people who care, its because you matter and are important and are worth it. These dark times require you to almost remind yourself hourly that you are worth it. Everyone just wants to see you come out of this place. Keep fighting.. you are doing all these things to help you which may not feel like they are doing anything yet but believe me, long term they all add up and help when you look back on your recovery.

Let us know how the psychologist appointment goes.

My best,

Jay

[MickeyM]

Hi

Are you OK?

Mickey

[Coffeebean]

Thank you Mickey. Today made me realise I really do need to look at my medication. I was in a shopping centre today, waiting for my psychologist appointment. I was anxious, but ok. Then a woman next to me took a photo with her phone, and walked away. I immediately thought she had taken a photo of me, and I had to stop myself from following her out of the store. I then had to find somewhere to sit and calm down.

So yes, I am seeing my doctor next week.

Jay, thanks for listening. I think talking on this forum is good for me, it's a step towards saying it in real life, which is a big struggle for me.

I ended up seeing the first psychologist I was booked with, I hadn't cancelled. I couldn't really wait longer, and I decided to see how the first visit went.

My gut says keep going. She was straightforward, confident, and gave me time. So in this occasion, my indecisiveness paid off.

Right now I feel a bit fragile, but that I might be heading in the right direction.

Thank you.

CB